Posts Tagged ‘funny’
A continuing series of reposts from my tumblr page, annahell.tumblr.com.
Counting from left to right, top to bottom…
5. people, but very slowly
6. people, 3, 4, and 9
7. really slow people, other cows
8. man, all of the above
9. chili rellenos…also, people
|Mood:||Fa la la, fa la la, Christmas!|
|Music:||Tight Bros From Way Back When-Show Me|
Perhaps you’ve heard of a little, genius, and at times, ridiculously funny Internet and print publishing venture known as McSweeney’s? If you haven’t, for shame, Internets, really. Please click the following links to increase your knowledge of “actual post-modernism at its finest” and let’s not let this sort of thing happen again, hmm?
Anyway, McSweeney’s, love. I’m no expert on English literature or literary journals, but McSweeney’s is the sort of literary journal a girl like me can really get behind, you know? It has amazing writing, great art, interesting topics and guests, and it doesn’t seem to take itself too seriously….which is like the literary equivalent of turning lead into gold…because it’s so hard…since they’re always so serious and stuff.
I think I first heard of the site around 2004. This is one of the first things I read…
P U N C H L I N E S S U G G E S T E D
- – - -
You’ve been hoodwinked!
You have been beguiled by my cohorts!
You are the victim of our flimflam!
You, unfortunately, are the jestee!
You are the one who was hornswoggled!
It is you the gomeril!
The previous contingency was an apery!
…and it still makes me laugh, every time. They’re all good, but I think the last one is my favorite…apery!
The other day, I decided that I want to become a published by McSweeney’s author, either by the Internet site or the journal. I’m funny…ok, amusing, at least…and the writing on the site is exactly the sort of writing I’m interested in. I studied the website submission guidelines (small steps, y’all) and had a look at Blog, Sweet Blog‘s back catalog. You know what? I do not write like a person who writes for McSweeney’s, at all! Nope, not even a little bit. I think I could, maybe, but I’m going to have to start from scratch. Besides, I have it on good authority that they will not accept “previously published” works, and that includes anything I’ve posted to my blog. Nevermind.
So, I guess I’m trying to say I’m working on some pieces to submit to McSweeney’s. The website doesn’t pay anything and I’m not really doing this so I can lord it over all of you (just watch though, I’m totally going to lord it over all of you if I get a book published). No, this goes back to something someone said to me some time. I can’t recall any of the details, but I do remember this quote:
“If you want people to see/love your work, you should submit it to places and show it to people.”
Those are wise words, Anonymous Stranger and I’m trying to follow your advice. As usual, I’ll let you all know if something happens.
p.s. yes, that’s supposed to be falling snow on the site. It’s not an eye seizure.
|Mood:||Hot and bothered|
|Music:||Six Organs of Admittance-River of Transfiguration|
He put a version of this on his site, but the way he edited it makes me seem unfunny and incoherent. So, here’s the real thing, uncut and direct…because I care about you guys…and what you think of me…and that you think I’m more funny than he is…and kittens.
Anna: urgh! big business is playing redacted at the redacted lounge
Andrew: are you gonna tell them to shove their copyright reform up their cramholes?
Anna: no :\
Anna: they’re a good band
Anna: oh, do you mean Big Business?
Andrew: um, let me check slashdot and ars technica real quick
Anna: that wasn’t all supposed to be italicized
Andrew: that was supposed to be a joke
Andrew: i’ve never heard of big business.
Anna: well, it’s hard to tell
Andrew: do they have black brains, skeletons, et. al as well?
Anna: they’re good, came from Karp, part of Murder City Devils, play in Melvins now
Anna: no, but thanks for asking
Anna: they’re just heavy
Anna: i listen to music that isn’t dark you know
Andrew: LOL WUT
Anna: for reals
Anna: i’m not so 1 dimensional
Andrew: whatever. go deface some churches.
Anna: don’t you whatever me
Anna: i don’t go in for that sort of thing
Andrew: oh, so you just plant pentagrams then?
Anna: not at all
Anna: i usually volunteer at animal shelters
Andrew: ooohhhh yeah, so when one needs to be put down you can just take it to your ritual
Anna: nice turn around
Anna: but still no
Andrew: this isn’t fun when you just deny stuff
Anna: OH SORRY
Anna: k fine, rituals and stuff
Anna: it’s so awesome
Andrew: too late
Anna: this one time, we had four different kinds of animal blood
Anna: it was like a salad bar for satanists
Andrew: you mean the blood was dressing for your salad bar
Anna: no, “like” means it was similar to that, but not actually that
Anna: more like a soup
Andrew: ok, i was going to complain again but then you brought it back
In other news, I actually got up early enough to ride the bus! Goooooo, me! It was scary, kind of. The bus isn’t bad, but I ride the light rail to the bus station. On the train, people sit like three feet in front of your face. So, there was the nerve-wracking scrutiny, but, again, I didn’t die or burst into flames. I still have to take them home, but I think it’s going to be alright.
Oh, and I know I’m kind of doing this in reverse, but you guys should really listen to that Six Organs song and, like meditate. It’s third eye-opening good.