Blog, Sweet Blog

How’s it going?

Posted on: Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Mood: Pretty good
Music: Get Ready for Love-Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

11:00 am

Yeesh, sorry diary. I got a bit off track (which is a nice way to put it) and didn’t get a chance to finish up my entry for yesterday. Yesterday was a shitty day. I was tired and felt miserable, sad, cranky, and ill-tempered most of the day yesterday…

2:45 pm

…First off, I slept poorly. I went to sleep kinda late (1 am) and then had a hard time getting ton sleep due to post-leg shaving itch and the weird stress/anxiety burning sensation in my right shoulder with maybe some heartburn thrown in for good measure. So, I woke up in a bad mood. That bad mood and lack of energy contributed to a less than productive (and I’m being very generous) day at work.

Then, Cassy IM’d me and that did not go well at all. I called her twice over the holiday weekend and she never got back to me. Her friend from Seattle was in town, so I guess she was busy. I tried to give her some crap about not calling me back and she immediately got shitty and threw me a “whatever” at the end. She probably doesn’t know it, but it hurts me a lot when she’s randomly (it seems) mean to me. It makes me feel like things are not getting any better and I seriously wonder if things ever will. I still have faith that they will and still, very little time has passed since we broke up. It can be very tiring though. And now, I don’t want to email her or write her back on IM or anything. I probably should though. That’s what an adult would do, right?

To top it all off, I had to see Sarah, my therapist. I did not want to see her, felt like I had nothing to say, felt like I “had” to go, etc. So, we had a bit of an awkward time yesterday and ended up talking about, like the plutonium spill (?) and people at work. At the end of the sesh, I told her that I wasn’t getting a lot out of therapy and wanted to know what her plans were for me. I realize that my frustration is coming on kind of early. I think I will need someone like her to talk to as things move along more in transition. So, my next appointment isn’t for another three weeks, which is good. After that, I might move to maybe once a month until there is more transition drama. Did I just rephrase what I just said a few sentences back?

Regarding transition milestones and all, my next milestone will be in a bit less than two months when I go back to see Dr. W for my 3 month follow-up. After that, idk? I’m not sure what I should be doing and I should really know or be in the process of making a list or something. Maybe I can work on that today? I know I need to see about sperm banking in the very near future (like the next couple of weeks). Ugh, there’s always an opportunity to spend more money on your transition. And then…um, I guess I’ll start coming out to friends and family in the fall. I think I’ll have to evaluate when it will be appropriate to come out at work around January or February.

Reregarding the effects of hormones (thanks a lot work for messing up my diary time…wtf work? Seriously!?), um, as I said before, not a lot has happened. As proof, here are a couple of pictures taken today, just over one month on hormones.

Wow, I am not attractive at all. Ok, I like my eyes I guess, maybe my cheeks, but that’s about it. My hair makes me want to cry and my chin/neck combination is just criminal. I guess you can’t see it from the photos, but my chin and neck are joined together in a continuous sheet of ugmo. It’s kind of hard to see me on the other side of all this. Amway, hormone effects…um, I’ve noticed that I am much more prone to nausea (which is a side effect of both the Spiro and Estrogen) and tend to feel nauseous later in the day regardless of whether or not I’ve had anything to eat. Spiro makes you pee a lot more. I feel a bit more calm and I’m pretty sure that it might be from the hormones (as opposed to feeling good about moving forward with transition). I think that’s about it. Looking back on older photos, you can see how much of an effect the laser hair removal has had. I never had a really full, beard, but it has cleared out a lot of hair in just a couple of sessions. Speaking of, after this weekend, I’m going to see if I’m still getting good results from the laser. If I’m not, I’ll have to start with electrolysis.

I don’t have time to talk about this now, but here’s a quote from the movie “Into the Wild” that pierced my heart like an electric spear…

“When you forgive, you love, and when you love, God’s light shines upon you.”

Wow. I’ll talk more about this later on.

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an introduction





Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really me...it's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.

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All content on Blog, Sweet Blog is copyrighted by me, Anna Hell. Unless otherwise noted, all photos, words, and content on this site are mine, created by me, and should not be used without my permission (or at least attributed and linked back). I try to embed links or quote original source material if I use another person's work.

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