Blog, Sweet Blog

Archive for August 19th, 2008

Mood: Full of wonder and excitement
Music: Aphex Twin-Matchsticks

1:48 pm

Fucking-a…so I’m working on my coming out letter (appearing in major mailboxes at the end of October!) and the thought of sending it out to everyone (especially my Mom and Dad) is filling me with a strange mix of emotions.   I’m basically feeling some joy and nervousness, some elation, a bit of nausea and revulsion, crushing dread, some sadness, and extreme uncertainty mixed with alternating periods of lightheadedness. U-g-h!  I’ve been looking at a lot of coming out letter for guidance.  They’ve helped, but I realized pretty quickly that I’d have to write my own thing and that there wasn’t a form letter I could just download and fill in the blanks.  LOL, that’s funny…

Dear _______,

I, (insert old name here), your son/daughter, has always felt more like a man/woman than a man/woman and always enjoyed playing with dolls and ponys/trucks and blocks more than dolls and ponys/trucks and blocks and is currently undergoing procedures to transition from a male/female gender role to a male/female.


(Insert new name here)

Anyway, I’ll post it here when I finish it.

5:35 pm

“I’m so damn tired, who walks beside you, can’t hear myself, who will surprise you now, in all these hours, I’ll heal myself”

As Night As Now by Mates of State

I’ve quoted these lyrics a few times and aside for the line about being tired, I’m not really sure what the Mates are trying to say.  Maybe Kori’s going to sleep and can’t get Jason’s voice out of her head.  Maybe she’s dreaming about her and Jason breaking up and those are his words of reproach/parting shots. Who knows?  I do know that I could prolly earn a Master’s thesis if I could put together a coherent analysis of their lyrics.  Anyway, I like the song and Mates of State a lot and I often think of them when I’m not feeling so great…like now.  I feel tired and that opens me up to all kinds of…negativity?  I just want to go home and go to sleep.  I haven’t been sleeping well at all for the past week or so and I’m not sure what the problem is.  It could be my fight with Jen or it might have something to do with the Spironolactone.  Regardless, I don’t like it.  I have enough problems without being able to sleep at night.  Maybe going home early tonight isn’t such a bad idea.  I feel like I need to go to the gym tho…post taco bell regret.

Here are some random thoughts…

-I can’t find a comfortable way to sit in my chair and it’s making everything worse.  I want to cross my legs under me yoga style, but it’s hard to get everything to fit in the chair that way.

-It seems like everyone decided to leave at noon or something today.  I just went to the bathroom and there isn’t a soul here except for me and Dr. S.

-Speaking of the bathroom, it’s getting harder and harder for me to walk into the men’s bathroom.  It’s not like I don’t feel like I belong in there any more, it’s more like I feel like a spy or an outsider, k, that might be the same as not belonging.  Anyway, I don’t like it and I feel like I get some slightly odd looks sometimes.

-I wrote Cassy a mega email today.  I really hope she reads it and answers me sometime.

Ok, I’m going to go to the gym for a bit then head home.  Oh forget it, I’m just going to go home.



an introduction

Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

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August 2008