Blog, Sweet Blog

Archive for August 26th, 2008

Mood: Pretty good
Music: Modest Mouse-Trailer Trash

5:01 pm

Oh Deirdre, so much has happened!  Let’s skip the formalities and get right down to business.  So yeah, my breasts are out of control.  I really started to notice it this weekend.  I didn’t exercise at all and I kind of pigged out, so I was feeling sort of fatter than usual.  I looked down at some point and noticed that my breasts just seem huge.  Like, before now, they seemed like misshapen blobs of fat with a  little bit of breast tissue somewhere in the middle.  Now they’re like, I don’t know, less misshapen and sticking out more.  It didn’t seem like that big of a deal until I was out walking for lunch today…I really felt like I should have been wearing a sports bra and I am very paranoid about them at work.  It’s good and all, but kind of scary because I’m kind of depending on my breasts to tell me when it’s time to go full time.  Right now, I’m thinking sometime in the Spring, but if my girls keep growing like they have, then it might have to be sooner or I’ll have to buy some Ace bandages and batten them down.

So, electrolysis…I went for my first hour long session this past Saturday and WEE-YOW was that unpleasant.  It’s not that the pain was really really bad (it got pretty bad, but in some ways laser was worse) but the recovery and post-sesh Frankenstein face were pretty bad.  Here are some photos…

*ed. note: I’m not sure if I’m going to add these back in again…they’re a bit too personal for the Intarwebs.

These two were taken like 10 hours or so after the appointment.  What’s weird about the picture is that the red areas are not where she removed any hair.  That day she pretty much only did the chin/lower lip area and the sides of the upper lip.  I iced my face for hours and took some aspirin, it helped a lot, but that redness was weird.  Thankfully, it was all gone by the next day, but there’s no way I can get zapped and then go to work.  Oh yeah, when I got done with the session, I felt pretty good (happy that it was over) and walked outside with my little ice balloon. Well, I almost passed out when I saw my face in the car mirror.  It looked like I had been stung over and over again by wasps on the chin.  It was really horrible looking.  Now that I have some perspective, I realize it wasn’t that bad.  However, I’m sure it’s going to be quite a bit harder when she gets to the upper lip.  She might start it this Friday, so I arranged to buy some numbing cream (LMX-5) from Luanne, the owner.

Speaking of, Luanne is really nice, very cool, and a total sweetheart.  She has been working on trans girls for like 30 years and so she just kind of knows everything.  It’s fun to listen to her talk about stuff, but I have to fight the urge to participate in the conversation too much…I don’t want to slow her down by moving too much.  I set up the next three appointments and I’m going to try to go every week from now on if I can afford it.

So money has been giving me fits recently.  Jen told me last week that she’s moving out. L  I have a lot to say about this, but don’t have the energy to put together a bunch of new words.  Here’s some stuff I sent to Cassy this week…

Ugh, don’t even get me started on my ex-sister.  I guess she’s moving out this weekend.  I’m considering writing her a final “f-you” email detailing how she’s such a dumb, poorly-socialized, delusional, self-loathing, self-centered, monster who is doomed to fail and repeat her mistakes until she gets very serious about trying to fix herself through extensive/intensive psychotherapy and behavior modifying pharmaceuticals.  Then again, maybe that’s an infantile response.  Then again, she doesn’t respond when I’m acting like an adult either, so, I think any action I take will be wasted effort.

Yeah, so I don’t know what to do about old Jennifer.  I want to chuck her out of my life like so much spoiled produce, but that is not the mature response.  But what do I do about her continually poor behavior Deirdre?  She is a monster who’s limping through life without a clue.  And she won’t fix herself or go to her family for advice.  So, I really don’t know.  Cassy and I used to have this conversation about her sister all the time.  Like we both love our sisters, but they are fucking up and we don’t know how to help them.  I thought I could help Jen by letting her stay with me, but it’s like nothing has changed with us.  To top it all off, she said I was a freak vis a vis my transsexuality.  That was a very low blow and she’s one to talk.  Ugh, I guess I’ll just give her the silent treatment until she apologizes and keep bailing her out if she gets into trouble.  So anyway, now I need to get a couch or something for the living room.  Money is going to be very tight until December, but I don’t think I’ll get a roommate or anything…too many complications.

Cassy finally wrote me back!!!  She sent me a longish email on Sunday night and I was really happy to get it.  Basically, she said she’d been having a hard time but was going to try to be a better friend to me, that she had gotten and cashed the check I sent (bummer, thought she forgot), that she didn’t like the name Anna (she’s voting for Esther, L-O-L, or Donna), and that there’s no chance for us to get back together (that hurt, but less than you might think).  I am very upset that she’s shut the door on us getting back together.  Somehow though, I’m still not giving up.  Regardless of how it turns out, I’m just happy that she’s feeling better and might go back to being my friend sometime soon.  Like, I miss just talking to her so much.  She said that she hates that I’m killing the old me and that I won’t be the same.  I don’t think that’s true and I told her so.  I told her that I’ll look and sound different but that I’m not getting a brain transplant.  I hope she still likes me and doesn’t end up hating me like she does most women.  I’m going to keep on her though, she’s been my best friend for the last four years or so and I don’t ever want that to stop.

Finally, I’m getting closer to reaching out to the YouTube trans community.  I did a lot of work on my channel page this weekend and I feel like I’m ready to start posting some videos and reaching out to some of the other girls.  I sent out two emails and posted one comment today and one girl already sent me a friend request!  So, I think I’ll try to post a video this weekend after Jen has vacated the premises.

K, Deirds, that’s enough for now.



an introduction

Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.


All content on Blog, Sweet Blog is copyrighted by me, Anna Hell. Unless otherwise noted, all photos, words, and content on this site are mine, created by me, and should not be used without my permission (or at least attributed and linked back). I try to embed links or quote original source material if I use another person's work.

Click the button thing below to have a delicious li'l slice o' Anna cake* delivered to your emails inbox whenever I write something new!

*N.B. Anna cake contains neither Anna nor cake.

Join 4 other followers

sorted into tiny boxes


i’ve been listening to…

favorite artists this week

flickr photos

mah numbas

  • 45,775 hits
August 2008