Blog, Sweet Blog

Archive for October 2008

Mood: Happysadexhuberantafraidnervousexcited
Music: Tegan and Sara-Are You Ten Years Ago

Hey Deirds…it’s been a while, I know.  It’s not like I haven’t been sharing my most intimate thoughts and feelings, I just haven’t been sharing them here.  I’ve put up a lot of videos and have been baring my soul on a regular basis.  I plan on making another video tonight on the topic of my HRT progress…that’s what the bullets are for.  Other than that, things are ok.  I am fucking freaking out about sending my coming out emails…it’s about three weeks away.  We have some uber-important meeting at work tomorrow and that is freaking me out too.  The economy is so ill, I can just imagine our boss telling us that we’re going to have to close the government for a while.  Right now, most everyone is down in our annual New Year’s party…the new fiscal year starts today.  One of our chiefs asked me to come down, but I’ll prolly skip it.  It is really hard for me to want to be social right now (and by right now I mean over the last few months).  I’ve said it before, but I’m like, what’s the point?  Wouldn’t it be better to keep a safe distance from everyone and then start getting closer after I come out next year?  I don’t know…it’s something I struggle with a lot…living my life vs. waiting until things get better.

Ooooh!  I may have landed an engineering gig.  I responded to an ad on craigslist looking for someone to build a radio for a movie!  The guy called me back, we negotiated a rate ($40/hr), and I just signed the contract today!  He hasn’t signed the contract yet so I don’t want to jinx it, but w00t!  Hopefully I can make at least $1000 and maybe this guy will have some other work.  I’m a little nervous because I’ve never built anything electronic before, but I think I have plenty of resources to turn to if I get stuck.

Ok, here are the notes for my HRT video…

-Started taking hormones on Friday, June 6th.

-So this will be four months of HRT on October 6th.

-Testosterone level is 50!!!

Physical Effects

-breast buds at five weeks, have been sore since, about a B cup now, areolas increased in size, nipples are bigger

-skin softened

-body hair growth has slowed somewhat, mostly around navel, could be better.

-my body odor didn’t really change, I always smelled nice 🙂

-skin dried out somewhat, feels like I have prune hands a lot

-I have to pee all the time!  Thanks Spiro.

-No more spontaneous erections, very little sex drive.

-continue to lose weight, but have noticed a little bit of fat redistribution, talk about exercise routine

-I definitely feel like hogging out sometimes and crave sweets more often.

-haven’t noticed much loss of strength

-my sense of smell has improved or my tolerance for bad smells has decreased dramitcally.

-more dissatisfied with the temperature, get colder easier

-bruise somewhat easier

-more susceptible to runny nose, could be allergies

-my blood pressure went down from pre-hypertensive to normal!!!

-my face has changed shape a bit but it’s hard to explain, like more round but less fat.

Emotional/mental effects

-I’m much more calm and generally happier, giddy lately

-I have a greater range of emotions now, sad things are sadder, happier things are happier.  Riftgirl and Les make me squeal.

-My mood swings are faster than Colorado weather changes.

-I still haven’t been able to have a major cry and I’d like to.

-I’m more emotionally fragile.

-Frequently, I feel many conflicting emotions at the same time, which is weird.

-I’m a bit more interested in keeping the house clean.

-Video games and football are rapidly losing ground.

-Initially, I felt crazy and depressed a lot of the time, not so much now.

-I act like a 13 year old girl more and more, silly stuff, singing, etc.

-I crush on people a lot.

-I feel more scatter-brained more often…like my thought patterns are more circuitous than before.

-I’m doubting engineering.

-My fantasies are a lot different now, more tied to emotions and feeling rather than particular acts, situations, or specific people.

I think that’s a pretty good list Deirds.  I’ll take a picture or two and post it in here sometime next week.

What else?  Cassy’s dating someone else and I wanted to die when she told me about it.  I sent her a kind of angry reply and she sent back an even angrier one.  I haven’t talked to her since then.

I went over to Charles and Oyuna’s new house last Saturday.  Charles cooked dinner(!) and we had a great time talking and drinking.  OMG Lily is adorable!!!  She looks like a little lady now.  She isn’t really talking much, but every once in a while she’ll utter these little nonsense sentences and I just want to die from the cute.  I really like their house too…I envy what they have together.  Yeah, so that was fun, but it made me sad too.  I really need to come out to Charles and I’ve been thinking seriously about sending his letter early…like this weekend.  We’ll see.  That’s enough for now…



an introduction

Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

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October 2008