Blog, Sweet Blog

My feelings and stuff

Posted on: Monday, April 27, 2009

Mood: Ugh, Monday
Music: Swans-Beautiful Child

Wow, that Swans song came on and I’m always awed by their…majestic depravity?  If there was a band that could immanentize the eschaton or rouse dead Cthulhu from his dreaming  at R’lyeh, it would be them…or Current 93.


Anyway, as you can see by my cute, though odd counter-type thingy (which I originally introduced near the end of this post), I am getting pretty close to starting back to work (and thus beginning the rest of my life) as Anna.  It says 9 days, but Friday will be my last day here at work and the last time I try to present as male.

So yeah, I’m getting very close and I thought now would be a good time to talk about how I’m doing with all of this.   I hate to be all zen-like and drama-free, but I’m pretty much over it at this point.  I still have a constant, low-level anxiety and still think about it quite a bit, but I feel a lot better than I did.   I was almost out of my head with worry and anxiety when I came out to my first (and best) friend and my parents in late October.  Somehow, it got worse (high blood pressure, trouble sleeping) after I had decided on my schedule for going full-time and telling work.  I felt like passing out and like I was going to have a stroke-heart attack-seizure most of the time from right before I sent our HR person my packet on March 18th until I came out to my boss in our mid-year review meeting six days later.  As I said, even though I’m not 100%, I feel a lot better now and hope that the rest of the anxiety will drain off as I add more “since then” days to my counter.  And, believe it or not, I am really excited.  I’m scared and nervous too, but I’m pretty sure it’s going to be great.

This is a good idea and the right decision for me, but it hasn’t been very easy.  I could still use about 2 hours of electrolysis every week, but I only go for 1.5 hours at most.  It’s a lot better now, but the facial hair on my upper lip is still visible on Fridays…everything else is invisible to the casual observer.   I’ve spent a ton of money on all of this…just over $4000 so far (over half of that on hair-removal alone) and plan to spend another $700-800 before I come back to work next week.  So, transition is like having another pet in the house that eats an extra $300-400 of food every month.  I think my electrolysis should taper off in the next few months, but I’ll need to spend some of that on buying clothes and building the rest of my life.  And let’s not even talk about saving for surgery…that is simply a bedtime fairy tale right now.  So honestly, I could have waited until I had more money or had gotten further along with hair removal, but you can wait your entire life for the right time.  I’ve done a lot of planning and waiting and I feel like now is a good time for me.

As per usual, here is a picture that I’d like to share with you….

Dr. Allison Mouser demonstrates her signature, though controversial, performance technique--butt synthesis.

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an introduction





Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really me...it's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.

copyright

All content on Blog, Sweet Blog is copyrighted by me, Anna Hell. Unless otherwise noted, all photos, words, and content on this site are mine, created by me, and should not be used without my permission (or at least attributed and linked back). I try to embed links or quote original source material if I use another person's work.

Click the button thing below to have a delicious li'l slice o' Anna cake* delivered to your emails inbox whenever I write something new!

*N.B. Anna cake contains neither Anna nor cake.

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