Blog, Sweet Blog

Archive for May 7th, 2009

Mood: Somewhat productive
Music: Pixies-Bone Machine

So, as I posted yesterday, I had my first day back and it went really well.  Oh, you want some detail and amusing anecdotes?  Fine, but I feel like I should say…you’re very needy and a little bit too interested in my personal life.  Maybe we should talk about that some time.  Not in an intervention-y sort of way, just an earnest, “I’m here for you honey, do you want to talk about it” over coffee kind of thing.

Amway, I got up earlier than usual to get ready.  I wanted to have enough time to do my makeup and get dressed without feeling the rush stress.  I had picked out what I was going to wear the night before (which is like the best thing ever and something I’m going to try to do henceforth) and it was an excellent choice if I do say so myself…knee-length khaki pencil skirt, short sleeved red crinkly blouse with white polka dots, a black long-sleeve crewneck cardigan, and black leather flats.  I thought it looked nice and it seemed to be professional, kind of cute, and def’ly not embarassing.  Sometime around when I was doing my makeup, I started feeling the nervous.  After the 1100th time looking in the mirror to make sure I looked ok, I said goodbye to the cat and got in the car.

The drive to work was long, but kind of fun…I did a lot of singing in traffic to take my mind off of the morning.  I got to work about 20 minutes late (I know, don’ and sat in the parking lot for a few minutes.  I was already late so I didn’t want to waste a bunch of time on second-guessing and reconsidering.  Like I said, I’d kind of done most of the worrying already.  I was still nervous about walking in the door, but I wasn’t not going to walk in, you know?  So I did.  And there were a bunch of people in the hall holding up a big sign.  I thought, “oh noes, they’ve been waiting for me with a big stupid ‘welcome back’ sign and now they’re going to be so mad.”  Turns out, they were hanging signs and stuff for the big boss that was coming later in the afternoon.  Still, no one said anything…which was fine becuase I prolly would have thrown up right on them and that stupid tie they were wearing.  I hate that tie.  Why do guys think ties with cartoon animals on them are appropriate to wear out side of their own closet?

So, I got into my office without passing out and locked the door.  I had to take a moment to steady myself and put away my things.  Within ten minutes, my boss was knocking at the door to check in on me (which was really sweet and he’s been so awesome throughout this whole thing).  He asked if I was nervous (check) and told me not to be.  After that, I opened my door “for business” and started looking at my to-do list.  My computer login had changed to my new name (cool) but there was some kind of problem with the emails.

The email problem is still ongoing even though I spent most of the day with an IT guy sitting in my chair (don’t be nasty, I sat in the other chair).  And that was kind of cool.  Right from the start he told me that he admired my courage and thought the meeting went well.  And it was nice because I had to deal with him and other people the entire rest of the day.  I’m sure I would have wanted to hide out, but I was kind of forced to put myself out there.

I waitied a long time to use the restroom.  I don’t think I’ve discussed it much, but, even though I’ve been mostly living this way full time for a couple of months, I’ve avoided using the bathroom to a ridiculous degree.  And I can’t explain it.  I think I look alright and I certainly belong in the women’s restroom (or much moreso than in the men’s), but…it’s scary.  It’s like I don’t want to offend people or be weird or anything.  So, I waited and finally went when I absolutely could not hold it any longer.  And like everything else, it turned out to be no big deal.  I’ve been feeling super dried out for whatever reason, so I was drinking loads of water and had to pee a lot yesterday.  So, I feel better about it, but it’s still a little bit nerver-wracking.  I think I’ll feel better after when I actually see someone I know in there.  If you’re keeping score at home, the restrooms are much nicer.  I’m not going to give away all of our secrets, but there’s a couch and magazines.  The men’s room has…well, not magazines, that’s for sure.

I grow weary of this exercise, so I’m going cut to the expedient bulleted list method of exposition…

-It sounds cliche, but the security guy I got my new badge from thought I was trying to play a joke on him when I handed him my old badge.  I assured him I was not and he continued to be nice and friendly.

-I went out to lunch and got”ma’am’ed” all over the place.

-It seems like a lot of people were out of the office or incredibly busy yesterday.  So not everybody got to see me.

-I must have spent a total of two hours in 1 minute intervals worrying about how I look.  And that wasn’t fun because it was more of a worried rather than vain thing.

-I work with a lot of guys and none of them thought to comment on how I looked.  My one girl friend said something nice, but that was it.  That doesn’t really bother me, because I kind of know how guys are.  Either they were too afraid or didn’t think of it.  Regardless, it would have been nice to hear something like that from one of them.  I swear I will not file a sexual harrassment lawsuit for the occasional, “you look nice today.”

-The boss guy gave a speech for everyone on campus at the end of the day, but I was so tired that I barely heard anything he said.  Yesterday was exhausting, really.  That’s one thing they don’t tell you in the brochure.  I think it’ll get better, but I’m still pretty tired today.

-I gave a guy friend at work my blog’s address (hey you) and that is weird.  Ok, it’s weird having everyone know my biggest secret eva, but it’s weird to also have someone know my motivations and be a party to my every internet thought.  Still though, he seems like a good sort and it feels good to just be honest for reals.  I might give it to another person.

-I didn’t get a card or any flowers.  I was kind of upset about that but I kind of understand…I wasn’t in the hospital and I didn’t experience a death, or have a baby.  And everyone was really busy yesterday, so whatevs.

-A lot of times yesterday, I caught myself wanting to edit something I was going to say or do.  Like, I still had to hide or didn’t want my neighbor to hear me.  I was able to talk myself out of it, but I’ve been doing it for so long.

-I spoke to a couple of people out in the hall while they were waiting for the grande queso.  This one guy, who I like a lot and respect, told me how he was really proud of me and how courageous he thought I was.  I thanked him but told him that I didn’t feel all that courageous.  I think that’s what a lot of people don’t understand…it’s either do this or be doomed.  So, it didn’t seem like much of a choice to me.  Regardless, it was really sweet of him to say that and be so supportive.  He’s someone I’d like to get to know better.

-The day ended better than it began.  I drove home and talked to Becca then Kaylee before bed.  I was really tired but I had so much fun talking to both of them (we lol’d, hard).  That was the perfect way to end the day, thanks you guys.

an introduction

Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

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May 2009