Blog, Sweet Blog

From the files of Internet dating: Mr. So, So Wrong

Posted on: Monday, November 2, 2009

Mood: Already stressed
Music: Brian Jonestown Massacre-Jennifer


I don’t feel great about reposting some of the emails I receive from potential suitors.  Making fun of people for poor grammar or ignorance is too easy and leaves me feeling hollow and dead inside.  I’d like to think I’m more of a candle-lighter than a darkness-curser.

Then again, every once in a while, I get a special letter from a special fella that is simply too good to pass up.  Like, so good that I feel like I’m doing the Internet a disservice by only sharing it with my closest girlfriend.  We’ve been through a lot, Internets and I don’t want to disserve(?) you.  Maybe I can post this and mock it as a way to educate some of the men folk out there in the dating pool?  Maybe said men folk will read this and really think twice about the sort of nonsense they’re sending us.  I know, I’m not holding my breath either.  Anyway…

Subject:  Please Write

Hi, Anna.

First, let’s cut to the chase regarding the gender thing. I guess I need clarification about that as I’m not sure how to read “pre-op transsexual woman”. What exactly does that mean? Does it mean you were born a female but want to be a male? Where are you now, and where will you be post-op? I will let you know that I am straight but seem to be bi-curious, also. And I’ll admit that I am rather turned on by “chicks with dicks”. So, please enlighten me. I’ll also say that I seem to be one of those really “hard to match” people. My work involves making maps or just geo-data. Could you also explain the “Hell” part of your username? You sure sound interesting and I like your pics, too. 🙂

Mr. So, So Wrong


To the commentary bullets!

•  First, let’s cut to the chase… Wow, spooky.  How did he know that the exact kind of man I’m into is a chase-cutting, man-of-action, kind of man?  It’s like he’s living inside my mind.

•  …regarding the gender thing. I’m thinking the phrase, “if you have to ask…” applies here.  Whatever.  Maybe I could be more clear, but I think most people understand what I’m about.

•  I’m not sure how to read “pre-op transsexual woman”. Hmm, an excellent point.  This site may answer some of your questions.

•  Could you also explain the “Hell” part of your username? LOL, genius…I wish I’d written that.  Well, if you insist…  You see, I use Anna Hell as my nom de guerre because I’m a crazed, devil girl who worships the dark lord of the infinite abyss and leaves a trail of broken hearts and disemboweled lovers in her wake.  Also, I suck men’s souls out through their penis.  Just kidding, it’s an old family name…from Finland or whatever.

•  I am straight but seem to be bi-curious…I am rather turned on by “chicks with dicks”.  Awww,  it’s my first “chicks with dicks” email!  And, I think you can go ahead and just say you’re bi-curious…bisexual even.  That’s kind of like saying, “I think I might be interested in learning about indecision.”

•  I seem to be one of those really “hard to match” people. Get out of town!  Really?  I, for one, cannot believe he’s “hard to match.”  It makes no sense that a silver-penned wordsmith who makes “maps or just geo-data” is still single.  Curse you, o cruel world, why dost thou let yon earthbound angel suffer in solitude?

•  You sure sound interesting and I like your pics, too. 🙂 Oh, so you like my “pictures” and you think I’m “interesting”, hunh?  Well, screw…crap, I can’t think of anything snarky to say.  I like smiley-face emoticons and that’s actually a nice sentence and representative of “things I like to hear.”  Next time, just build your letter on that and drop the insulting, awkward, over-sharing.

Class dismissed.

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3 Responses to "From the files of Internet dating: Mr. So, So Wrong"

Hey, at least your guy wrote a paragraph. Today’s solicitor on my profile said exactly this: “So, you’re hung…and have breasts…correct?”. Charming, no?

Honestly, I fear for the human species.

Wow, he sounds like a man-of-action kind of man as well.

It was a grouping of sentences, but I’d hate to call it a paragraph. Still, I guess he exerted a tiny bit more effort than your Mr. So, So Wrong.

[…] if you’ll recall (remember this and this?), the results of Internet Dating Sesh 1.0 were fail.  Internet Dating Sesh 2.0 has been going a […]

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an introduction





Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really me...it's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.

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