Blog, Sweet Blog

…pain, failure…Internet dating, et misc.

Posted on: Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Mood: O Christmas tree, how lovely are your branches?
Music: Black Sabbath-Snowblind


Unicorn: Destroyer of Ponies! by Devin McGrath


One of the unintentional themes of my blog is that I hardly ever follow up on, or finish, any of my stories.  You may have noticed that I love to tease new ideas at the end of a lot of my blog posts, but I rarely come back to them.  Sorry, but I can’t really help it.  It’s like I get bored of the idea as soon as I type the words.  I don’t mean to, Internets and I realize that some sort of narrative thread is a good thing/piques people’s interest (although sweet unicorn art doesn’t hurt, am I right, people?).  In the spirit of turning that around, I offer you the following, vague update on my love life and maybe the metaphorical tying up of other, personal loose ends.

So, if you’ll recall (remember this and this?), the results of Internet Dating Sesh 1.0 were fail.  Internet Dating Sesh 2.0 has been going a lot better and by better, I mean I actually met someone…a guy someone!  …a real, human guy someone!  I’m not going to go into a lot of detail because I’m a firm believer in “personal privacy.”  Also, he reads mah blog and I’d rather not drag him into my unfettered, Innertubes fantasy world and then have to explain my crazy later on when I see him.  “Anna, why did you describe last night’s date as elfin magic?” See, Internets? It could get complicated.  So, I reserve the right to make vague, occasional references to him and the things we do, but it’s not going to be any kind of a regular Blog, Sweet Blog feature.

His name…ok, his nom de guerre, is John.  He’s a little older than me, a little bit taller, and he makes a good living at Internetting.  We’ve been seeing each other at least weekly since our first date on October 15th.  Holy elfin magic, we’ve been dating for two months! Amway, dating is hard, you guys, even under the best of circumstances.  I don’t think I’ve done the analysis for you, but it’s kind of a mega-long-shot for trans people to find someone who makes them happy.  We’re not a perfect couple by any means, and we still have some things to figure out, but I like John and he makes me happy.  It’s way too soon to speculate on the future and our roles in each other’s stories, but for now, we’re definitely dating 🙂  Oooh, maybe I should change my dating profile to seeing someone?  Or maybe there’s a setting for…”Fuck off losers!  I hate you all and I’m off the market so stick it in your cram holes.  Have fun being single and alone and crying all the time, nerds.  Also, suck it.” That may be a tad wordy/curse-y, but them’s my feelings, y’all.

We went to dinner and a movie on Saturday and it was a good news/bad news kind of night.  The good news is that I had a wonderful time and the Moscow Mule (with fresh ginger, cucumber, and lime)  is my new favorite drink.  The bad news is that Cormac McCarthy’s The Road is not a good date movie and it haunted John all the way home.  If your lady friend suggests seeing it, you should politely suggest a more upbeat alternative.  Perhaps a holiday movie with one of those young people everyone is always talking about or some cute li’l animals?  I lobbied hard to see it (yes, I am a weird girl) and I thought it was a good movie, but yeesh…welcome to Bleaksville.  I can’t wait to read the book!

K, so that’s enough about me and my sickeningly sweet, RomCom of a life.  What else is new?  Well, funny you should ask…I’m getting a new tattoo! I’ve thought about this for a long time now.  I have one tattoo on my arm and I got it when I was 18.  I always wanted to get more (or get the old one removed), but I held off for some reason.  I think I was hoping I would eventually transition and I didn’t want to have a bunch of gnarly, dude tattoos all over the place.  I think I’m ready to continue on with the ambitions of my youth.  I’ll post some art or pictures when I have them, but it’s going to be something about Odin’s two ravens, Huginn and Muninn, but cuter and it’ll be somewhere on my frontspiece…like where the arm meets the chest, one on each side.

I want to have Sandi Calistro do it.  I sent her an embarrassingly-detailed description (they should be about two inches high, not realistic, stylized, but not tribal, mostly black, but with some color, they should each be clutching something like ribbon, but they should both be different, etc. Ugh, even I think I’m bossy.) a few days ago.  Update! I just called her and we made an appointment for a consultation next Tuesday, but her tattoo appointments are booked until like, March.  That  sucks.  I was hoping to get it much sooner than that, but that must mean she’s really good.

Hmm, I thought I had a lot more to wrap up than this.  Oh, my grad school class ended last week.  I never wrote about it again because it was slap-yourself-in-the-face-with-a-shovel boring.  The team project was good (we did a project notebook for a tech startup), but the lectures were not worth the 15 minute walk to campus.  So, I skipped class all the time and turned in a bunch of last-minute genius every week before the start of class.  I got an A but I didn’t collect any amusing class anecdotes.

I’m still not sure what I’m going to do about graduate school.  I took this class for credit as a non-degree graduate student.  It would count toward a major if I could ever decide on one, but I can’t.  I could do a Master’s in Electrical Engineering, Telecommunications Engineering, or get an MBA or Engineering Management degree, but those all sound about as appealing drinking hot wax, over and over again.  Applications for next Spring are due in January, but I don’t feel like finishing one.  Honestly, you guys, the only thing that interests me right now is something in the Arts and there’s a 99% chance of no way my workplace would pay for that.  So, I’m stuck and thinking about what to do/not do next.

Fuck, this is long, sorry.  Re: McSweeney’s, I would love to post all of the hilarious stuff I’m submitting to them, but I should wait until it ever/never gets published.  Oh well, if something gets rejected, I’ll post it here, promise.  Other than all those words about the things, stuff is awesome, I’m très heureux, and loving the Christmas and whatnot.

K, that’s it, for reals…tune in next time for exciting tales of excitement and me not recapping the things I ought to!

Happy holidays!

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13 Responses to "…pain, failure…Internet dating, et misc."

that is the best unicorn ever

I think so! Stupid ponies, who needs ’em?

How incredibly futuro-sweet! I read about our romance on your blog…

It has not been two months. No. Because we first went… Uh. Wow. Two months? You make time fly, and you also make it look easy. I likes you.

And yes, I’m still haunted by that movie. Still. For example, I picked up my kids from school today in a shopping cart filled with camping gear and canned food. My daughter — being a proto-teen — was only as embarrassed as she would be under normal circumstances because I’m old and icky and stuff. I gave my son an iPhone to play with so he was cool. And by cool I mean distractible.

So get ready for elfin magic tomorrow night. And I’m not talkin’ Keebler, either.

Mr. Johnson

I never mentioned the word “romance” and I texted you as soon as I got done writing this and said, “I just blogged about you.” I’m not really sure what I’m trying to say here…hiss!

That’s right, two months! I’m like a sexy, funny, older woman version of rufies (roofies? Roo Fees?) and Forget-Me-Nows.

Yeah, kids are funny. I was a funny kid once and I would have hated it if my Dad got all end-of-the-world-y with a shopping cart when he picked me up from school. Next time, just pack a knapsack with gogurt and fruit pies and try mumbling something about Taylor Swift and the Jonas Brothers. You’ll be pre-teen BFFs in no time!

No, you didn’t use the word “romance” — I did. I mean, can you blame me? I inspire defensive hissing and you inspire blushing (at least a part of me did, maybe up to my elbows). Also, things.

And you didn’t use the word “bromance” either, regardless of context. I, for one, am grateful that you didn’t, as I hear that blogging licenses can be revoked retroactively upon using that word non-ironically.

And I like reading your blog. You, indeed, are a sexy and funny version of hotcha-cha!

Well, since you cleared that up, I’ll be taking back my defensive, confused hiss. Also, awww!

Ugh, bromance? I would never. I suppose a girl could have a bromance. Like, if she was one of those MTV girls and she only hung out with other bro-type guys…maybe a few straight-acting, gay fellers. I went to school with one of those girls, the former kind.

Seriously though, they’ll have to pry my blogging license (along with my artistic, dramatic, and to-kill licenses) out of my cold, dead hands that are both eternally frozen in the bird-flipping gesture. You hear that, WordPress! HISS!

Good, I’m glad you actually like my blog and you’re not just trying to impress me. +2 for you!

Nggggh…. so…. TORN… between showing delight… and unleashing wild fury of jealousy… NNNNGGGGH!

Screw it. Firstly: half an hour a week of needle face-torture isn’t enough for you, you want to go get needles jabbed painfully into OTHER parts of your body as well? What the hell is WRONG with you? Oh wait – we’ve had that conversation before – the Shanghai ordeal – I forgot.

Second: I HATE this *$%#ing dandruff stuff floating across my screen. You had me convinced for a moment that my video card just crapped itself. I *know* this was your intention, so you can drop that little expression of shock and hurt that I’ve seen you practicing in the mirror when you think no-one’s watching. Yeah, that one.

Third: Curse you and your boyfriend for throwing a spotlight on my never-ending stretch of abject loneliness with your familiar BANTER and your implied HAPPINESS. Ooooh look at us we’re so HAPPY, ooooh we’re in a RELATIONSHIP. Jerks.

OK. That felt pretty good. But… maybe I should go do some binge eating just to make sure this emotional hole really *has* been filled.

Merry Christmas, I guess. You cow.

I look forward to meeting you. You’ll recognize me as the one cowering defensively behind the catcher’s mask, as I think you just unleashed a wild fury of showing delight.

But I’ll make the effort, as I want to hear all about the Shanghai Ordeal.

Oh sure, we can all meet just as soon as she gets off her lazy ass and flies out here from Australia, or you can take me 🙂 What is it, like a three hour, $200 plane ride?

Oh please, Jamie. All you have to do is stick your little metaphorical hook in the metaphorical waters of actual Aussie dating, et voila! You’re adorable and I’m sure I could find you five guys tonight.

Oh, and it was 1.5 hours per week, but now I’m down to 1! Ha ha ha, needles, in your face!

Ok, fine, you got me. I was hoping to kill off some readers (there are far too many of them, really) by inducing epileptic seizures and fits via WordPress’s Christmas miracle of a snow effect, but there have got to be easier ways. Don’t worry, it’ll magically disappear sometime after a period of time has elapsed. Until then, courage.

Unfortuantely, the banter is all scripted. I can’t have someone stinking up my blog with a bunch of “uh”s and “well, um…”s. I need quality comments, so I decided to just write his out for him. It’s easier that way really. I hope you don’t mind if I edit yours a bit as well.

Ew, please keep any discussion of you and your “emotional hole” to yourself and out of mah blog, Jamie.

Et finally, I love you and you make me feel like a giant shit for never watching your videos or commenting on them. I’m sorry. Despite the fact that I never write or show you any online familiarity or affection at all, I do care about you and whatever it is that’s going on in your life. Really I do.
Oh alright, fine! I’ll go catch up on your videos. It is the season of giving, after all.

[…] think I’ve mentioned before how hard it is for us lovely trans-peeps to find El Romance.  The last post and adorable Jamie’s subsequent comment set me to pondering on how truly lucky I am.  […]

[…] in a great mood on this, our most made-up of holidays.  I broke up with John for reals last Monday.  I know, shocking, right?  How could such a precarious, ill-fated pairing […]

[…] if you’re just tuning in, I broke up with my first, post-transition boyfriend at the end of January.  I was/have been kind of sad about it, but these things happen.  I feel […]

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an introduction





Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really me...it's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.

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