Blog, Sweet Blog

Archive for February 2010

Mood: pretty alright
Music: za Wintry Olympeaks



One of the awesome (not awesome) things about HRT is that I get to have fun with puberty all.over.again.  Remember  puberty?  Remember how everything was so intense and awkward and profound and boring and amazing and miserable and lovely and like it was all taking forever?  That’s every week for me.  I feel like I’m totally in sync with all the 16 year old girls in the world who wear too much eyeliner and always keep a copy of Prozac Nation and The Virgin Suicides on their nightstand; mah tumblr followings seem to agree.  And that can be kind of…inconvenient(?) when you play a 30-something engineer lady in real life.

Some days/weeks/months are better than others.  This last time was hard, but not hard enough to do me in, I guess.  I’m feeling better, and I think it motivated me to finish these…

now we can be together forever by anna hell


eternity by anna hell


They’re photographs and I first tried them a few years ago.   Click the photos for the rest of the series.  I know they’re kind of lazy art (though I’ve seen much lazier), but I think they’d make nice embroidery pieces at some point.  Lazy or no, I’m still happy with how they turned out and I feel like this most recent, bleak period was the only time I could have finished them.  So there.

Also…I can’t stop listening to this song.

Well, I’m off to make a get-well card for my mother.  Have a lovely weekend, everyone!

Mood: not so good
Music: Grizzly Bear-Foreground


The caption said, "Sparkie says, 'Choose Safety.'" but we all know who started that fire, don't we?


*ed. we’ve had three more since I wrote this. wtff?

Coworker instant messaging excerpt with regards to the FIFTH building-evacuating fire alarm we’ve had this month….

it’s not that i don’t love the occasional, random fire alarm, i do. in moderation, they’re a nice opportunity to hang out in the parking lot, catch up with friends and peep you guys in those orange hats. but when we have one every other week, i kind of feel like i’m in that story with the wolves and the crying. they make me want to stay in my office to see if i catch on fire.

Also, I’ve had it up to here (points to high place) with all this winter and it’s snowing. again.   GUUUUHRRRRRRNNNNNNGGGGGGAAAARRRRGGHHH!!!


Mood: guh
Music: Camera Obscura-Country Mile


https://i1.wp.com/www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/2009/12/01/tinafeyupdate.jpg

let's just pretend this is from a Joke Off segment from SNL's "Weekend Update"

I posted this on mah tumblr last night, but I’m having second thoughts about keeping it there.  I want that page to be different than this one…more visual, darker, dreamier.  I feel like the jokes have found a home here (in a wayward-home-for-lost-ideas sort of way) but words beyond poetry or lyrics seem alien over there.  I’m ok with that.  Maybe I’ll start a Molls-style tumblr at some point, but keeping it special and dark today feels right.  Until I get it figured it out, sorry for the cross posting.

Anyway…  Some of you may recall the recurring joke-off segment from the Tina Fey/Jimmy Fallon-era of Saturday Night Live‘s “Weekend Update.”  The premise was that the two would battle each other for who could tell the most jokes (not the funniest) on a topic in a certain time period.   I’m sure they wrote them ahead of time, but to me, it seemed like what it might be like to watch them pitching in a writer’s meeting.

I would love to make this a regular Blog, Sweet Blog segment, but, as I can’t recall any recurring segments on this blog, we’ll see how that goes.  The idea is that I’ll try to think up around five jokes in a short time (~15 minutes), then post them for your “entertainment.”  Feel free to chime in with your own jokes for this or any other topic.  Ugh, now that I’ve used the world’s longest, most unfunny setup to strangle the life out of this bit…

So, I’m in the middle of cleaning the house and I just got done with the main bathroom. It was so skeevy, it felt like the perfect topic for a joke-off, naturally.

My bathroom was so dirty…

-I seriously considered getting hooked on crystal meth to get the energy to finish cleaning.

-while I was cleaning, the executive producers of Hoarders called to pitch me a new show called Dirty, Dirty Slobs….because they wanted me to host…from my filthy bathroom…because it was so gross.

-the people that live in my head wouldn’t even go in there.

-a xxx fetish website emailed me a job offer. I had to tell them it wasn’t that kind of dirty.

-it made my mother cry.

-just writing this makes me want a to take a Silkwood shower.

Mood: la dee da
Music: Little House on the Prairie-“A Most Precious Gift”


tall, distinguished, famous...not pretty



Dear A

Mood: la dee da
Music: Little House on the Prairie-“A Most Precious Gift”


tall, distinguished, famous...not pretty



Dear Answer Lady:

I need your advice. I’m a huge Abraham Lincoln fan, but I can’t grow a Lincoln-esque chin curtain to save my life! To make matters worse, I’ve started growing hair out of my ears and I have more back hair than a county fair Tilt-a-Whirl attendant. What gives? Even though I’m a little bit fascinated by my new ear buddies, I know they need to go. I’ve tried everything…trimming, punching, praying real hard, but they keep coming back! What should I do?!!

Yours truly,


Ear Wig


————————————-

Sorry dear, but this is the mailbox for Ask an Engineer!, the nation’s leading weekly romance and “lifestyle” advice column written by an engineer.  Answer Lady‘s mailbox is located at help@answerlady.com.

If I may…Ask an Engineer!‘s official position on unwanted ear and body hair is ew, grody. However, unwanted hair is a common affliction and Ask an Engineer! neither judges nor mocks any reader’s unfortunate, grody circumstance.  Off the record, Ask an Engineer! suggests tweezing the offending hair(s) or retaining the services of a professional skilled in the art of electrolysis. Ask an Engineer! further suggests that trimmed hair always grows back and that it is not an effective or permanent hair removal technique…ditto for punching and praying.

Finally, Ask an Engineer! thinks a smooth, baby face can be very nice and kindly reminds you that, while Abraham Lincoln was one of our nation’s brightest and best leaders, he was a horribly unattractive man and should not be upheld as a standard of male beauty.

Happy Holidays!


The Ask an Engineer! staff




*Ask an Engineer! is a real idea I thought of pitching to some weeklies for a couple of seconds.  It’s kind of based on an email I sent my ex once. The idea was that people would ask me questions and I’d respond with a mixture of absurd, engineering analysis and folksy, homespun humor. I know, it’s been done, but never with an engineer…I think.
Mood: weeeeeeee
Music: The Smiths-The Boy With the Thorn in His Side


my stats, let me show you them



So, yesterday was kind of real busy here at the offices of  Blog, Sweet Blog Enterprises, Limited. Turns out, Sarah has quite a few readers and they really seem to like clicking links, viewing pages, and leaving lovely comments.

The nutrient-dense info-graphic of my desktop quantifies the yesandyes.org effect.  Usually, my daily page views fall somewhere between none and very little.  Yesterday, my page views went up a little bit…somewhere around WTFZOMFG!1!!! Honestly, I didn’t even know the numbers on my little stat-o-meter went that high. I thought they were just letting me use the WordPress Junior Blogger Fun Kit with the small numbers until I turned pro.  LOL, and if you click through for the larger size picture, you’ll notice a certain someone’s search for how to save print screen in the upper right hand corner. Maybe I should keep the Junior Fun Kit for a little bit longer.

Anyway, thanks for stopping by, everyone.  You’re welcome anytime.  Seriously.  Come over tomorrow.  And subscribe.  Tell your friends 🙂

http://www.yesandyes.org/2010/02/true-story-im-transgendered.html

I’ll be answering comments on Sarah’s site later in the day and may repost them/the interview back here at some point.

Mood: in thrall
Music: North By Northwest


annahell.tumblr.com

would you like to see the other side of me?



In a move guaranteed to drive me to the very edge of sanity and eat away at my last scrap of free time, I have decided to activate my tumblr page.  I’m going to try to keep with the tumblr mantra of mostly pictures and pithy text posts, but we’ll see how that goes.  Come, join me in the tumblrosity, won’t you?

Also, I was interviewed by Sarah Von, she of the super wonderful yes and yes, last week and the interview drops tomorrow.  Stop by her site for a self-important, trying-too-hard-to-be-funny exercise in navel gazing.  If you’d rather launch from here, I’ll be posting the link tomorrow when it all goes down.

Finally, this is like the third post this week!  I know it will pass, but I’m enjoying the illusion of productivity.


an introduction





Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really me...it's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.

copyright

All content on Blog, Sweet Blog is copyrighted by me, Anna Hell. Unless otherwise noted, all photos, words, and content on this site are mine, created by me, and should not be used without my permission (or at least attributed and linked back). I try to embed links or quote original source material if I use another person's work.

Click the button thing below to have a delicious li'l slice o' Anna cake* delivered to your emails inbox whenever I write something new!

*N.B. Anna cake contains neither Anna nor cake.

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