Blog, Sweet Blog

My cat’s secret imaginary next door adult boyfriend lover

Posted on: Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Mood: Eff this effing eff eff
Music: Elizabeth Fraser-Moses




Originally written for mah tumblr, apologies for the cross-posting and etc..

This is what my cat’s imaginary next door secret boyfriend looks like, crossed eyes and all.

I’ve lived in the same townhouse since 2001 and have had the same, next door neighbors for most of that time.  Their cat, lets call him Tommy, seems to spend most of his day on my deck or curled up in a ball on my welcome mat.  I don’t really mind.  He seems like a pleasant sort and always moves out of the way when asked.  But the fact that he hangs around so much, makes me want to gossip and tell wild stories about him.  And, like any other mother, I wonder about his intentions, with my cat…my painfully single, sweet, soft-spoken, pure-bread, indoor cat.

It’s the crossed eyes that give me pause.  I know, I know, I should really grow up already and stop giggling whenever he looks up at me, but he’s just so dopey looking! Every time I see him, I hear my ex, imitating his slow, dimwitted drawl.

DURRR, hello Miss Lady.  Is Torrie in there? She’s so pretty! Can I go inside to talk to her?  She’s my friend.  Are you her mommy?

His dopey eyes and that imagined voice make me want to shoo him away.

NO!  Bad cat! Go away!  She doesn’t want to see you.  She’s too good for you!  YOU’LL NEVER BE TOGETHER!!!

Which would be a mean thing to say and kind of sad for Tommy, if I thought he could understand any of it.

Unfortunately, I think Torrie’s into him.  She’s never even been outside and I’m sure he represents the excitement and mystery of an outdoor life she’s never lived.  We’ve all been there, right?  The sexy rebel, the badboy/girl; we want what’s bad for us.

I’ve seen how she looks at him.  I’m worried that she wants to run away and make the slow, goofy looking babies with him (or at least make out a lot), but I can’t let that happen.  She can do better.

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4 Responses to "My cat’s secret imaginary next door adult boyfriend lover"

It makes me feel pretty silly to say this, but cats = endless entertainment. Even when they get annoying, neighborhood cats and their interaction with my cats never fail to crack me up.

Hey Brittany! Ugh, I know…I don’t reblog and post all of those cat pictures of yours for nothing. You two should write down some of those stories.

Do you think there’s another, more dog-centric part of tumblr? Are the dog people the negative image of the all the cool, crafty, literate cat people on tumblr? Do they listen to Dave Matthews Band and get off on sports and woodworking? I wonder sometimes. It seems like everyone I know and like on tumblr is a cat person and that’s fine by me.

I think most cats with big blue eyes look cross-eyed. My big boy cat always looks crossed and he ALWAYS talks in a stupid voice, “Uh, hello, my name Naz. Where my food? I luv you. You pet me. I hungry. Uhhhhhhh, my name Naz.”

LOL, maybe Naz and the next door neighbor boycat should get it on? They sound perfect for each other!

Maybe it’s my own personal bias, but I like to think my cat sounds like Holly Golightly from ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s.’ You know, American, urbane, sophisticated, well-bread. The truth is she prolly sounds more like Eliza Doolittle in ‘My Fair Lady’, pre-Henry Higgins.

What is it with me and the Audrey Hepburn references today?

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Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really me...it's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

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