Blog, Sweet Blog

Archive for the ‘near funny’ Category

Another great moment in tumblr achievement…and by “great”, I mean “sad oversharing” and by tumblr, I mean http://annahell.tumblr.com, the place on the Internet where I sleep most nights when I’m not over at dudeswithbeardseatingcupcakes, doing it with my boyfriend.

 

 

Well, it’s been a while since we did an episode of The annahell Share Times Family Feelings Friendship Hour so put on your reading pants and buckle up!

But first, is this an amazing picture or what?  I don’t know wtf it is but I found it when I was searching for screen caps from It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!.  Is that a Scorpio symbol on her beanie hat thing?  Oddly appropriate.  I know it isn’t Halloween-y, but I’M THE BOSS HERE AND WHAT I SAY GOES.  Don’t fret though, it’ll be non-menstrual themed ghouls and goblins from now on, promise.

So yeah, feelings…I’m kind of frustrated, you guys.  I’ve mentioned that it’s been a busy few weeks what with school and what’s been going down at work and all.

School is fine, I guess.  I’ve got my homework schedule down and I haven’t gotten lower than a 98/100 on anything, but I kind of hate this class.  I’m always late and nobody talks to me and lately, I don’t even look at the professor when he’s talking anymore.  I just roll my eyes A LOT and mumble curses (witch curses!) under my breath.

Like, the guys are friendly, when cornered, but standoffish/shy enough that introverted shut-ins seem more sociable.   And I’m never in a good mood for that class (what with the boob-staring or the lateness-inducing early morning-ness of the class), so doing an hour of Samantha Small Talk just to have an awkward conversation with a stinky nerd boy is nigh inconceivable. NIGH INCONCEIVABLE!

Also, if I can nrrd grrl out for a second, the way the teacher just shrugs off the math all the time is really starting to bother me…like in a uh-oh, maybe I chose the wrong program kind of way. Like, if this was an electrical engineering course, I would be holding on for dear life, but at least they would do proofs and not refer to the math as “hard” or “scary.”  It’s just insulting, you guys.

Whatever, it’ll be fine, I’ll be fine.  I think it might help me feel better if I could get to class on time or if I asked the tall-white-guy clique if they want to study after work (the Indian kids just keep to themselves).

And can we talk about this leadership program thing at work?  So I applied to this junior leadership thing at work and it’s been, shall we say, a difficult process.  There were all these specific requirements for the application process…

-make a weird resume with your past company’s mailing address and a salary history

-use this one website that’s broken in strange ways for half of the 30-day application period and then when you complain about it to the program contact you get thrown into this it’s not my fault back-and-forth between the contact and her supervisor and the contractor that runs the web site.

-have your supervisor fill out an evaluation form on how good you are at “political savvy” and “leveraging diversity”

-fill out these 16 essay questions about your leadership history but we’re only going to give you 250 characters for each one so, basically, just sum it all up in one long, godamn sentence.

-oh yeah, and the essay questions will contradict themselves from one sentence to the next and have a lot of typos and crap, NBD.

-and then fax in everything with this kooky cover sheet system so that we’re guaranteed to lose most of it.

-and don’t fuck it up because your supervisor who you really like and seems to, for some reason, always have your back and is always pulling for you asked you to apply to this program and you can’t screw this up because we’re all counting on you, OK?  OK????

-oh and even though you spent all that time making sure your application was to-the-letter-perfect and submitted well before the deadline, we’re going to lose your documents (see above) anyway, so don’t freak out when you check the website and it says “Ineligible – Application Incomplete,” just keep faxing that shit over and over and over again until you retire or get fired.  Good luck!

So yeah, good times.  Oh, and I also I had a scary-real dream about how my ex forgave me and we got back together and then killed these three people and I’ve been seriously thinking about asking the proprietress of the local BDSM dungeon place how one might, possibly maybe go about training to become a part time professional dominatrix for reasons that I do not, at all, feel comfortable discussing at the present time or in this forum.  Also, crushing loneliness/sister abandonment issues.

If that is not a gratuitous picture of myself on this Wednesday, then I don’t know what is.

Your move, internet.

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A continuing series of reposts from my tumblr page, annahell.tumblr.com.

On parents and cell phone texting…

The good news? My parents have recently discovered the joys of texting.

The bad news? “Reo tues state fair remeber old days along w pat benatar”

Translation from dadtext? Hello daughter!  Did you know that Pat Benatar and REO Speedwagon are playing at the Iowa State Fair on Tuesday?  I would love to see them and your stepmother and I are thinking of going.  The songs of that era bring back a lot of memories, both good and bad.  ‘I Can’t Fight This Feeling’ and ‘Love is a Battlefield’ got me through some tough times and I think attending Tuesday’s concert would be a fitting tribute to the memory of times gone by.  I’ll be sure to text you from the audience!  Love always, Dad.


An important dadtext update…

Anna: Hey dad!  Sorry, but i’m not sure what you meant by the last message.  Are you going to the fair on tuesday?  And seeing pat benatar?

Dad: Reo speedwagon yes we may go

Anna: Oh cool!  That sound fun.  Ours is all the way down in pueblo, so I usually skip it.

Dad: Rember the days we drove to find them reo

*long pause*

Anna:  Hmm, no, that doesn’t ring any bells.  Did we take a roadtrip in search of REO Speedwagon?  Did we find them?

You guys!  After that last message I wanted to call my father and check to see that he was ok.  And that he wasn’t, you know, drinking brown bag wine at work, again.

I don’t recall a childhood quest to find the lost REO of the Speedwagon, but I really wanted to keep messing with him.  Were they nice?  Did they reward us with rock and roll treasure?  Did we befriend any magical creatures along the way?  Did I get turned into a newt?

I make the fun, but it’s out of love.  I think it’s adorable that he texts me out of the blue sometimes, but these are too good to leave alone.  I hope he never stops!

A continuing series of reposts from my tumblr page, annahell.tumblr.com.

Oh damn! As soon as I saw this, I knew that this was the golden comedy fleece from which the fabled Sweaters of Hilarity are knitted.

Is this inspiration enough for a joke off? THE ANSWER IS YES!

If you want to play along at home, write a joke and post it or submit it to me.  I’ll reblog the best!

•I’ll take ‘Worst Ways to Find Out Your Parents Don’t Love Each Other Anymore’ for $600, Alex.

Divorce Magazine has a strict no suicide/binge drinking/custody kidnapping editorial policy because those kind of stories just bring you down, man.

•Rejected Divorce Magazine article submissions:

So, your hubby’s making time with the Cootie Queen?

Spousal surveillance: a beginners guide.

Are you a stalker?  Take our quiz and find out!

Divorce: Still shitty after all these years.

Divorce Magazine can go fuck itself along with Dick Cheney.

•Music Legend Dan Hill Talks Relationships…THAT END IN DIVORCE.

•Ahh, memories…of my parents getting divorced. Also, therapy.  Lots of therapy.

A continuing series of reposts from my tumblr page, annahell.tumblr.com.

“Where?  I don’t see it, Chief” confessed the navigator.  “Is it like a satellite or something?  There’s a satellite over there.” Chief Science Officer Bertrand clasped his left hand over the befuddled navigator’s mouth and forced his head towards the creature with his right. “No, you cretin, over there,” Bertrand hissed.  “Behold!  Megasiderus cuniculus, consumer of worlds. If I’m not mistaken, that’s Miss Flopsy, the cherry-colored mega bun of Sacron Prime.  And she’s making a meal out of the fifth moon of Jaal!”  “Mmur mmph mffng flrgnumph?” Chief Bertrand stroked the top of the navigator’s head, as a child might stroke a beloved pet or a kindly, old sock, “Indeed, my dear Sylvio, she does appear to be very far from home.  But why?”  kummerbund:  artandthemind:  (via telethon)  (via iwasablindfold)


Short Attention Span Sci-Fi Inspired by Found tumblr Art

“Where?  I don’t see it, Chief” confessed the navigator.  “Is it like a satellite or something?  There’s a satellite over there.”

Chief Science Officer Bertrand clasped his left hand over the befuddled navigator’s mouth and forced his head towards the creature with his right.

“No, you cretin, over there,” Bertrand hissed.  “Behold!  Megasiderus cuniculus, consumer of worlds. If I’m not mistaken, that’s Miss Flopsy, the cherry-colored mega bun of Sacron Prime.  And she’s making a meal out of the fifth moon of Jaal!”

“Mmur mmph mffng flrgnumph?”

Chief Bertrand stroked the top of the navigator’s head, as a child might stroke a beloved pet or a kindly, old sock, “Indeed, my dear Sylvio, she does appear to be very far from home.  But why?

A continuing series of reposts from my tumblr page, annahell.tumblr.com.

My chance to hop on the annoying Jesus bandwagon…

mary: OK, now really look this time. Do you see anything in my eye?

jesus: Hey Mary?

mary: Do you see anything?

jesus: Hey Mary?

mary: What?

jesus: Knock, knock

mary: Seriously? My eye really hurts, Jesus! Could you just do what I ask for once?

jesus: No, it’s cool, you’ll like this one. Knock knock.

mary: Ugh. Who is it?

jesus: *laughing* Jesus. It’s Jesus.

mary: Jesus who?

jesus: Jesus Christ would you shut the damn door already! HAHAHAHAHA.

mary: You’re an asshole.

A continuing series of reposts from my tumblr page, annahell.tumblr.com.

Starting from top left… 1. people 2. people 3. people 4. people 5. people, but very slowly 6. people, 3, 4, and 9 7. really slow people, other cows 8. man, all of the above 9. chili rellenos…also, people (via tasteslikestatic, mydarling)

Counting from left to right, top to bottom…

1. people

2. people

3. people

4. people

5. people, but very slowly

6. people, 3, 4, and 9

7. really slow people, other cows

8. man, all of the above

9. chili rellenos…also, people


an introduction





Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really me...it's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.

copyright

All content on Blog, Sweet Blog is copyrighted by me, Anna Hell. Unless otherwise noted, all photos, words, and content on this site are mine, created by me, and should not be used without my permission (or at least attributed and linked back). I try to embed links or quote original source material if I use another person's work.

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*N.B. Anna cake contains neither Anna nor cake.

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