Blog, Sweet Blog

Posts Tagged ‘Anna

Mood: Feistytired
Music: Descendents-M16


glittering, savory by anna hell



Well, I’m back from Las Vegas, a few dollars poorer, but richer for the experience, insert your own cliché.  More on that later, promise.  In the meantime, let’s talk about about some recent goings-on with my ex.

So, if you’re just tuning in, I broke up with my first, post-transition boyfriend at the end of January.  I was/have been kind of sad about it, but these things happen.  I feel loads better now and I suppose this is as good a “writer’s experience” as any.  We traded a few hurtful emails for a week after breaking up, but I hadn’t contacted him or heard from him since then.  He sent me a hey! what’s new? email, apropos of nothing, last Monday.  That was weird all by itself, but the fact that he made me feel like he was just catching up with an old friend after a few weeks apart instead of randomly pinging a person who’d had feelings for him and who had willingly touched his penis made it seem extra awkward.

We have a history, him and I, officially.  We didn’t part on the greatest of terms and we certainly didn’t agree to remain friends.  Throughout my life, I’ve observed a strict as-soon-as-we-break-up-I-don’t-want-to-see-you-or-hear-from-you-or-think-about-you-ever-again-seriously policy.  I started to reevaluate that with my previous ex.  It seemed wrong to cut out such an important part of my life.  I’m beginning to believe that these people’s presence in my life is/has been meaningful and necessary.  I think learning to value that is better than hiding from pain. I relayed my newfound love for ex-loves to him in a meagbitchy, accusatory way…

[Redacted],

I know you’re “not trying to ‘sell’ anything” but you contacting me out of the blue, like nothing ever happened is weird for me and a little hard to deal with.  I haven’t contacted you since we broke up because I didn’t want to talk to you, not because I felt like I had to stay away or give you space.  Are you trying, in some ham-fisted, obtuse way to say that you want to be friends?  I don’t know, maybe.

For the record, I love emails.  I sent you a lot of them, remember?  I don’t care for text messaging, but it has its place and I like them even better if they’re a precursor to a phone call.  I’m kind of meh on the Skype thing with you.  If you want to talk to me, why don’t we just get coffee or something?  I can like throw a rock at your house and it seems totally absurd to use Skype if we don’t have to.

Regards and such,


Anna



Ugh.  I think I could have managed a nicer, more diplomatic response but I am a woman scorned and them’s my feelings, y’all.

I’m not opposed to being friends with him, but our history gets in the way.  I’m funny…it’s like I hold my friends to a higher standard of behavior than my lovers.  So, where a boyfriend’s inability to express himself is merely annoying (at first, anyway) it can be the reason to end a friendship.  His foibles were charming and tolerable when we were intimate, but now they’re all dealbreakers.

If you haven’t guessed, his awkward attempt to reach out/make me crazy/whatever totally rubbed me the wrong way.  Combine that with the online dating winners I’ve encountered recently (oh, just you wait, my pretties) and I kind of feel like giving up on guys.  Are all of them developmentally disabled when it comes to expressing themselves?  Is this how it’s going to be?  Like, if you’re interested in me and want me in your life, is a little wooing with the nice words too much to ask for?  Apparently.  I haven’t heard back from him.

Maybe it’s me?  Maybe my pre-surgery standards are too high?  Maybe I am the megabitch ice queen who’s incapable of settling and doomed to a multi-cat spinsterhood?  I wish I knew, Internets.  If I did, I’d just go ahead and adopt another kitty right now.

I think it’s more likely that I’m a complex, complicated, somewhat damaged, skittish, too-smart-for-her-own-good girl who will find her other half, eventually.

Mood: fu-fu-fu-Friday!
Music: Belle & Sebastian-If You Find Yourself Caught In Love



The Naked Redhead did a very funny Awkward Moments post the other day.  I liked it so much, I decided to steal her idea and make it my own.  How’s that saying go?  Stealing is sincerely flattering?  Good artists steal, great artists steal more?  Stealing is the soul of wit?  I don’t know, whatever.  Sorry I’m not very good at “history” or whatever, you guys.

According to your heart x-ray, Mr. Evans, it looks like you have four...oops, sorry, three minutes to live.

1 little piggy, 2 little piggies, 4 little piggies, 6...7...DARREN!

I don't care what he says, there's no puppies in concrete.

In retrospect, the Gunther Grass "The Tin Drum" commemorative statuette seemed like a bad choice.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

What do you mean you're "super-duper gay?"

Mood: tired
Music: Tears for Fears-Mad World


cherry blossoms by Cherry Creek, February 28, 2002



I don’t think I’ll have much time to blog this week, but I wanted to say so in a quick update rather than letting the tubes grow cold and quiet.

The above photograph is from a new photo set of mine on flickr and it’s one that I’ve always liked a lot.  I took them on a cold, late-February Saturday in 2002.  It was the weirdest day.  There had been weeks of nice, spring-like weather and our part of the city decided it was time to green up again.  I was driving to school to visit a friend and I was struck by the contrast between the misty, gray, cold day and the first blush of spring.  It was lovely and magical and I asked to borrow my friend’s camera so I wouldn’t ever forget it.

Speaking of, I just unpacked a lot of old computer files onto a new NAS, so forgive me if I start posting a lot of blog entries and photos from the way back machine.

It was sad to see the end of the Winter Olympics last night, but I was ready for them to be over; I was really emotional for all of them and you can only be an Olympic shut-in for so long.  I don’t much care for sports, but I love the Olympics (winter more than summer).  I love how the Olympics shrink the distance between us and how we all get to experience the hospitality and sights of the host city, at least vicariously.  They’re like a two-week experiment in being a good neighbor and on your best behavior and they always make me happy. I can’t wait for London in 2012!

I think the end of the Olympics means that the business of winter is finally over and that we can start again.  I don’t know about you, but I’m so ready to put this gloomy gray suck-hole of a season back in the box.  The photo and set are also a nice little reminder that spring is coming.  It may not seem like it where you are, but it is.  Really…I have it on good authority.  Until then, courage.

xoxo

Mood: pretty alright
Music: za Wintry Olympeaks



One of the awesome (not awesome) things about HRT is that I get to have fun with puberty all.over.again.  Remember  puberty?  Remember how everything was so intense and awkward and profound and boring and amazing and miserable and lovely and like it was all taking forever?  That’s every week for me.  I feel like I’m totally in sync with all the 16 year old girls in the world who wear too much eyeliner and always keep a copy of Prozac Nation and The Virgin Suicides on their nightstand; mah tumblr followings seem to agree.  And that can be kind of…inconvenient(?) when you play a 30-something engineer lady in real life.

Some days/weeks/months are better than others.  This last time was hard, but not hard enough to do me in, I guess.  I’m feeling better, and I think it motivated me to finish these…

now we can be together forever by anna hell


eternity by anna hell


They’re photographs and I first tried them a few years ago.   Click the photos for the rest of the series.  I know they’re kind of lazy art (though I’ve seen much lazier), but I think they’d make nice embroidery pieces at some point.  Lazy or no, I’m still happy with how they turned out and I feel like this most recent, bleak period was the only time I could have finished them.  So there.

Also…I can’t stop listening to this song.

Well, I’m off to make a get-well card for my mother.  Have a lovely weekend, everyone!

Mood: guh
Music: Camera Obscura-Country Mile


https://i1.wp.com/www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/2009/12/01/tinafeyupdate.jpg

let's just pretend this is from a Joke Off segment from SNL's "Weekend Update"

I posted this on mah tumblr last night, but I’m having second thoughts about keeping it there.  I want that page to be different than this one…more visual, darker, dreamier.  I feel like the jokes have found a home here (in a wayward-home-for-lost-ideas sort of way) but words beyond poetry or lyrics seem alien over there.  I’m ok with that.  Maybe I’ll start a Molls-style tumblr at some point, but keeping it special and dark today feels right.  Until I get it figured it out, sorry for the cross posting.

Anyway…  Some of you may recall the recurring joke-off segment from the Tina Fey/Jimmy Fallon-era of Saturday Night Live‘s “Weekend Update.”  The premise was that the two would battle each other for who could tell the most jokes (not the funniest) on a topic in a certain time period.   I’m sure they wrote them ahead of time, but to me, it seemed like what it might be like to watch them pitching in a writer’s meeting.

I would love to make this a regular Blog, Sweet Blog segment, but, as I can’t recall any recurring segments on this blog, we’ll see how that goes.  The idea is that I’ll try to think up around five jokes in a short time (~15 minutes), then post them for your “entertainment.”  Feel free to chime in with your own jokes for this or any other topic.  Ugh, now that I’ve used the world’s longest, most unfunny setup to strangle the life out of this bit…

So, I’m in the middle of cleaning the house and I just got done with the main bathroom. It was so skeevy, it felt like the perfect topic for a joke-off, naturally.

My bathroom was so dirty…

-I seriously considered getting hooked on crystal meth to get the energy to finish cleaning.

-while I was cleaning, the executive producers of Hoarders called to pitch me a new show called Dirty, Dirty Slobs….because they wanted me to host…from my filthy bathroom…because it was so gross.

-the people that live in my head wouldn’t even go in there.

-a xxx fetish website emailed me a job offer. I had to tell them it wasn’t that kind of dirty.

-it made my mother cry.

-just writing this makes me want a to take a Silkwood shower.

Mood: la dee da
Music: Little House on the Prairie-“A Most Precious Gift”


tall, distinguished, famous...not pretty



Dear A

Mood: weeeeeeee
Music: The Smiths-The Boy With the Thorn in His Side


my stats, let me show you them



So, yesterday was kind of real busy here at the offices of  Blog, Sweet Blog Enterprises, Limited. Turns out, Sarah has quite a few readers and they really seem to like clicking links, viewing pages, and leaving lovely comments.

The nutrient-dense info-graphic of my desktop quantifies the yesandyes.org effect.  Usually, my daily page views fall somewhere between none and very little.  Yesterday, my page views went up a little bit…somewhere around WTFZOMFG!1!!! Honestly, I didn’t even know the numbers on my little stat-o-meter went that high. I thought they were just letting me use the WordPress Junior Blogger Fun Kit with the small numbers until I turned pro.  LOL, and if you click through for the larger size picture, you’ll notice a certain someone’s search for how to save print screen in the upper right hand corner. Maybe I should keep the Junior Fun Kit for a little bit longer.

Anyway, thanks for stopping by, everyone.  You’re welcome anytime.  Seriously.  Come over tomorrow.  And subscribe.  Tell your friends 🙂

Mood: 100% ugh
Music: Red Lorry Yellow Lorry-Hollow Eyes



So, it seems like everything in my life these days is turning into a big pile of stinky brown doody.  I feel like I’m just watching myself barely make it through each day and I’m not sure what to do about it all.  To make matters worse, I also don’t feel like blogging about it and that usually helps.

As compromise, let’s talk about my new camera.  As I said, I hadn’t taken many pictures since losing my camera in Washington D.C. (along with an entire, striking National Mall at Night photo set), and I wanted to replace it.  I ended up buying one of these

Canon PowerShot S90


It was pretty expensive for a compact, point and shoot, and I could have bought a nice, entry-level DLSR body for a few dollars more.  I chose my little camera for, what I think are, good reasons which I’ll discuss after the period and spaces.

First, there are the issues of cost and portability.  I think I’ve gotten a lot of good pictures from my pocket cameras and I’m loathe to lug around an expensive, high-maintenance image maker.

I also have a low opinion of photography as an art form.  Sorry.  I like taking pictures and I even try to make a lot of “arty” photos, but it’s easy for me and I feel like there’s very little skill involved.  Drawing is hard.  Painting takes years to master.  Sculpture, fiber arts, dance, and music composition are all very challenging and each involves some practiced technique.  For the most part, I feel like photography is just a way of curating life.  I also like to carry a camera around with me whenever I can and taking photos all the time makes the act of photography seem less special; more common, like a sketch.

There are exceptional photographic artists, of course, but I don’t regret not buying a DSLR.

It’s a nice little camera.  I can set the aperture, shutter speed, it has a lot of ISO settings, a video mode, it can shoot in RAW format, it has manual focus, it fits in the little pocket in my purse or bus bag, and it has a decent wide-angle lens.   So, win win, win, win, win, win, win, win, win!

I got it on Wednesday and have been busy catching up on taking horrible photos of Miss Kitty, to wit…


the gruffalumox



…and…

relaxed cat is relaxing


And let’s not forget the arty photos in which I offer a glimpse of my naked sorrow, dread, and misery cloaked within the guise of the abstract and mundane…





an introduction





Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really me...it's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.

copyright

All content on Blog, Sweet Blog is copyrighted by me, Anna Hell. Unless otherwise noted, all photos, words, and content on this site are mine, created by me, and should not be used without my permission (or at least attributed and linked back). I try to embed links or quote original source material if I use another person's work.

Click the button thing below to have a delicious li'l slice o' Anna cake* delivered to your emails inbox whenever I write something new!

*N.B. Anna cake contains neither Anna nor cake.

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