Blog, Sweet Blog

Posts Tagged ‘cheese

Mood: Like a roller skating jam named “Saturdays”
Music: Skycaptain and the World of Tomorrow


Percy demonstrates the nadir of Victorian Men's athletics, the oft-misunderstood, Single Gentleman's Aquatic Pantomime


Bella Donna thought the end of the previous post was funny because, until I posted this, the link went to a 404 Not Found page and it was as if my resolutions, nay, my very future was missing and unwritten.  If you’ve learned anything about me during our time together, you should have learned that it’s almost obsessively impossible for me to leave anything unwritten…especially my future.  As I was saying…

So, with 2009 safely tucked away into the Blog, Sweet Blog archives, we cast a fresh, hopeful gaze upon our new BFF, the year 2010 (or ‘010! à la Stephen Colbert).  Pray, what awesomeness awaits me this year?

Lottery winnings?

The dream of publishing fulfilled?

The end of electrolysis?

A minor, though rather annoying fender bender?

Kitten adoption?

I wish I knew, Internets.  I wish. I knew.

The Future may arrive at any moment and I have composed the following list of 52,384 things I should/want to/must/need to/had better/oughta do until The Future or January Whatever, 2011 gets here.

I realize this may not interest you in the slightest, but I’m going to ignore your unvoiced protestations and put it up anyway.  There are a lot of recurring, overdone themes in a lot of people’s resolutions, but I continue to find value in the resolutions of people I like, admire, and respect.  They’re an insight into a person’s personality and I like to be able to copy some of their goals if I feel like we’re simpatico.  Plus, it’s good to have goals…ugh, isn’t that a quote from some movie?  I just spent too long looking for the source and couldn’t find it.

Anyway, to the resolutions!

In 2009, I resolve to…

get well.

-I’ve been exercising and losing weight pretty steadily for the last couple of years.  I still need to keep at it, but my goal for this year is to get under the weight prerequisite for reassignment surgery.

-This touches some of the other areas, but I need to seriously think about plans for having GRS.  I’m eligible in May and I’d like to cross this off the list before I turn 40.

-I want to buy another bike…either a townie, Dutch-style bike or a three gear cruiser.  I have a mountain bike I like, but it’s not very cute and inspires a much more aggressive riding style (insert fast and hard riding double entendre here).  I’d rather have something that was more comfortable and friendly so I’d be inclined to take longer, more frequent and leisurely rides…like to the store and out to eat with John.

-I want to go hiking again.  I went a lot two years ago and always had a lot of fun.  I’d like to go with John a few times this summer at least.


win at monetizing!

-Who doesn’t want to earn more money?  I mean, really.  I’ve thought about getting another job or finding some way to bring in more money.  I’d like to redecorate and I need about $20,000 for surgery and I’m not saving any money right now. Maybe I could sell some art or crafts on etsy?

-I’d like to refinance or sell my place…at some point.  I wrote about this before.  I’m not looking for some giant Barbie dream house in the suburbs or a penthouse on Peyton place.  No, just a cute, cozy little downtown hideaway near the bus stop.

-Speaking of, me and my homie, Les Bus, need to get reacquainted.  Taking the bus would help me save money and give me some extra time work on some of those 10, 000 projects I resolved to do.

-I need to pay off mah debt and get mah bills current.  I don’t have a lot, but I need to get solvent, y’all.

-There is a whole garage full of bad memories and crappy crap I need to get rid of or sell somehow.  I’ve said it before, but who needs a table saw, really?


nest and nest and nest and nest.

-I got a bonus this year and I decided that I want to use it and my tax return to decorate my place.  My ex and I were trying to sell my place before we broke up, so it’s been like living in Tabula Rasa for two years.  If I can’t move, then having a warm, pretty, welcoming home is good enough for now.  Granted, I have no idea where to start with this and the prospect of decorating failure fills me with a primordial, creeping, Elder gods-esque dread.

-I want to invest in some big girl cooking accoutrement.  I want to get some of the classic cookbooks, a few more pans, and a better set of knives.  After that, watch out foodstuffs!

-As most of the bad memories and crappy crap reside in the garage and laundry room, it stands to reason that I should clean these up.

-It’s not even half as bad as the garage, but I need to clean out the office as well.  It’ll be a perfect studio when I add some nice work spaces, storage, and additional lighting.


say, “what’s up, Art world?”

-I want to participate in the Denver Arts community.  To do that, I should prolly, you know, make some art or something.  So, I’m going to try to finish three(?) short stories and fabric/visual art things.  That number is completely arbitrary, but finishing anything would be a bonus.  Once I have some finished work, I plan on submitting to some literary magazines (in addition to McSweeney’s) and galleries/calls for submissions.

-I might need to join or start a revolutionary, avant-garde commando art action collective…or at least research what’s out there.  There are a number of them in town (not so much commando avant-garde) and I think joining one might be a good way to keep the metaphorical juices flowing.

-I need to get out there and mingle with the Art community, so I wanna go to at least 6 First Fridays (some combination of the Santa Fe, RiNo, and Colfax nights) this year.

-Momma needs to see some more art and that means multiple trips to the MCA, DAM, and at least once more to the Kirkland.

-Since I lost my camera in DC, I should buy another camera and take more pictures of things and stuff for the blog and whatnot.

-There are these things called readers and I’d really like to learn how to get them to look at my li’l blog…and tell their friends.  Perhaps an absurd contest of some sort?


maximize my personal productivity and unleash my power animal!

The rest of these are just general, personal things I want to do and aren’t easily classifiable, hence the title.

-This spring and summer are going to be awesome, I can just feel it!  I resolve to get out more and do the work necessary to insure the awesomeness….like spending time outside going to farmer’s markets and outdoor events.

-I could do with a better weekly schedule, something in between the one I made each semester of college and the one Martha Stewart publishes in her magazine…maybe not as OCD, but it would be nice to have a regular feeling for the things I need to do every week.

-This year has been pretty great, family-wise, but we could be much better.  My mother said she’d like to have us back home for Christmas and that’s a perfect ending point for the year.  Until then, I’ll endeavor to be a better daughter and sister and continue to work on the problems that still exist in my family.

-I love me some food and I feel like I should be trying new restaurants and working on my cooking skills.  I’d like to try six new, highly-rated restaurants and six new recipes…one of which should involve baking.

-Even though my recent tattoo consult didn’t go so well (long story), I still want to get at least one this year.

-Adopt a kitten?  Sadly, my kitty is getting older and I’ve been giving a lot of thought to adopting another kitten or two.  If anyone knows of any free, Scottish Fold kittens, put in a good word for me!

-Go for a nice vacation this year or go back to Burning Man some year.  I went to Burning Man in 2001 and have been pining for the playa ever since.  If not, a vacation to anywhere nice this summer (hopefully with John) would work.

-I really should make a decision about graduate school.  The next deadline is October something, so I have until then.

-And finally, I’d like to figure out how to move to Europe, at least for a while.  The company I work for has branches all over the world, but I’m not sure I could use them to get an engineering job over there.  If I figure out a way to get to Paris, Berlin, Stockholm, Helsinki, or Oslo, I’m so going.

Yeesh, enough with the writing already!  It’s time to get out there and make those resolutions happen!  Do you have any resolutions or hopes for this year you’d like to share?  How are you planning to make this year better than the last?

Mood: I have the dread
Music: WBLS’s In Control from 7.14.89 feat. Ultramagnetic MCs and 3rd Base


Mood: I have the dread
Music: WBLS’s In Control from 7.14.89 feat. Ultramagnetic MCs and 3rd Bass


Margaret demonstrates the low point in Victorian-era Women's athletics, the wildly unpopular, Single-handed Trunk Drag.



I was watching Bram Stoker’s Dracula when I started writing this the other day and I realized, the first five minutes of  that movie are totally metal.

So Happy New Year, y’all.  I realize it’s a little late to do resolutions and wrap-ups (or so says John), but I wasn’t aware of any rules or time limits banning the writing of New Year’s resolutions after January 1st.  I figure, as long as I get something out by the end of January, we’re good.

First, let’s recap the major events of 2009…

-continued basking in the crappy, coming-out aftermath with my parents.

-CAME OUT AT WORK!!!  Seriously, in retrospect, this almost seems like a non-event, but, let me assure you, it was definitely an event.  I don’t think I’ll ever forget the megaWatts of energy expended in sweating worry, HR meetings, legal wrasslin’, and amazing letter writing before the big day, but it was all totally worth it.  It’s hard to believe I’ve been full time for 8 months now.

drove out see my father in Iowa for July 4th weekend, had a great time.  Also saw the mighty Sunn O)) in the mighty Big O.

-finally realized my cat might be trying to kill me.

-spoke at work conferences in both Washington D.C. and Mobile, AL…I should prolly tell those stories at some point.

-renewed my nuptial vows with my first love, Cheese.

-read some books.

went back to graduate school, got an A.

-battled King Ghidorah with Godzilla on Japan’s mysterious Monster Island.

tried internet dating and won.

-made up with my mother and she and my aunt came out to visit.

-had an unplanned gall bladder-ectomy.

-crowned Queen of Donkey Kong.

-won a caption writing contest and got my first professional writing rejection.

Holy wow, that was quite a year, hunh?!  I’ve read how some other bloggers didn’t particularly care for our old friend, 2009, but I thought it was pretty great.  I think my choice to (and following through with) transition helped a lot and waking up from the eight-year long nightmare of the Bush/Cheney regime seemed to lighten up the place considerably.

This is getting long, so let’s take a cheese break and meet back at the next, thrilling New Year’s installment, Viva la Resolutions!

Mood: Eh, you know
Music: TAD-Candi


Why can’t every blog post be about cheese?  Srsly…cheese…so great. So, hello again, Internets!  I’ve been crazy busy lately but I’ve been having the urges to keep you, my virtual friends, appraised of the happenings in mah life.

Let’s start with electrolysis.  If you’re scoring at home, I’ve now spent just over $4000 and 70 hours on facial hair-removal.  Like I said in the title, the woman that tortures me for money and I just celebrated our one-year electrolyversaryaganza.   We spent the day in the way we spend all of our days together–she stuck a needle into my face, turned on the heat, and pulled out hairs while I made awkward conversation, tried not to cry, and paid her for the privilege at the end.  Srsly tho, we are making progress.  My small talk is getting less and less awkward…jk.   Within the next month or so, I should be able to cut down on the length of my sessions.  My face seems a lot more clear than it had this summer and it seems like she’s able to get a lot done all over my face and neck.  So, that’s good.  I can’t imagine how much longer this will go on (forever still seems entirely reasonable), but it’s beginning to feel like less of a lifestyle and more like an occasional hobby…you know, like taxidermy…or designing evening gowns for kittehs.  Then again, I think I’ve repeated that sentiment so many times that it’s beginning to sound fresh and new again.  But I’m funny like that, hope and grim realism springs eternal.

Recently, my virtual friend, Jamie started electrolysis and I had a couple of thousand words of unsolicited advice for her.  I won’t bore you with most of it, but it can be boiled down to electrolysis sucks and since you’re going to be doing it for the next, too-long period of time, hang in there and try not to worry about how long it takes or what did or didn’t get done that week.  Also, try not to touch your face too much afterward…and drink plenty of fluids…and eat at least one apple per day…and treat yourself to ice cream every once in a while…and kittens are nice.

When I was writing the advice, I had to really think back to the beginning and how awful it was.  I’ve had some painful, voluntary “medical” experiences, but electrolysis ranks among the worst.  Until she completely cleared it the first time, I would shed the pain tears every time she touched my upper lip.  Now, it hardly hurts at all and the lip heals faster than the rest of my face.  I guess it’s easy to lose perspective when you’re fighting something every week, but hard work does pay off, kittens.  And at the end, I’m totally getting an electrolysis merit badge for all of this hard work.  OMG you guys, we should totally start the Trans-Scouts and have sashes with little badges for every milestone we complete…also, berets.

Mmm, what else?  I started back to graduate school, click here for some hot, grad school action.

Work has been nutso-majutso and busy and frustrating.  Not in a bad, permanent way, it’s just that sometimes I hate development and computers…which is super unfortunate since that’s 75% of what we do here on the farm.  When I’m really having problems with, say, compiling a program, I get to feel like my forehead reverts back to Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer sticky-outy-ness and I start to drool and make a low durrrrrrrrr sound under my breath.  Acio illustrative picture!

https://i0.wp.com/cache.gawker.com/assets/images/commenter/430000/432825_300.jpg

Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, I wonder: "Did little demons get inside and type it?" I don't know! My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know - when a man like my client slips and falls on a sidewalk in front of a public library, then he is entitled to no less than two million in compensatory damages, and two million in punitive damages.

And I curse a lot, out loud.  So, that’s been fun and it won’t be improving until I finish this project.

Other than failing at that project, work is going well and people seem to be happy with what I’m doing.  And in September, I get to go to Washington D.C. for work!!!!!  It will only be for three days, and I have to, you know, work and stuff, but I’ve never been and I’m just about to pass out from the excitement.  Full-color Lincoln Memorial souvenir photos and tiny American flags for everyone! I keep having these fantasies about how me and my co-worker are going to stay in sexy hotels and be wined and dined by Washington’s Beltway elite.  Perhaps we’ll become embroiled in some international intrigue or be taken on fabulous, exclusive tours of all the best Washington landmarks?  Maybe we’ll be invited over to the White House for some late-night drinking and CoD:4 deathmatching with the President, Shelly O., and Al Gore?  Even if none of that comes true, I’m sure I’ll still have a good time.  And our hotel is dead sexy!

Two college classmates work at the USPTO in D.C., so I’m going to try and see one of them while I’m in town.  I sent him an email (the coming-out kind) a couple of weeks ago when I found out I was going.  After a few missed calls, we spoke on the phone.  The first thing he said was, “So, are you using some kind of electronic voice box?”  I laughed because it was kind of flattering and because he’s always been the type to ask the questions that no one else would think to ask, e.g. Hey guys, I think it’s time my girlfriend and I had anal sex.  How can I talk her into it? It was sweet and charming, in an invasive, off-putting way.  Still though, it’ll be nice to catch up with him and did I mention I’m super excited about getting to go to D.C.?

Finally, kittens, things may be improving on the Mom-acceptance front.  A couple of weeks ago, she sent me an email asking about how one would go about watching my YouTube videos.  They weren’t loading for her or something, so she wanted some help.  She also said that she really missed my sister and I and that she was trying to get used to “the new me.”  I kind of bristled at that.  I’ve talked before about whether the “but I’m still the same person” defense is valid or not.  After some consideration, I decided that I am pretty different.  I mean, I don’t think my core sensibility has changed, but I don’t think someone would figure that out if they hadn’t spent a lot of time with “the new me.”  Anyway, it makes me happy that I might be able to have a positive relationship with her again some day.  In her email, it kind of sounded like she wanted to come out and  see us.  I would love it if that happened.

Enough already!  I had better post this before someone else sends me a thoughtfully concerned email.

Mood: sleepy
Music: Sonic Youth-Madonna, Sean, and Me

https://i1.wp.com/www.getethical.com/images/P/cheese_board.jpg

Shhhh, don't be sad.

Thus endeth Blog, Sweet Blog‘s longest, most unfunny, in-joke.

FIN

Mood: blague absurde fromage
Music: Sonic Youth-Trilogy

Come and sit, hear my words, tiny baby. The elder prophecy tells of a warrior prince who will one day reveal the secrets of cheese and restore order to this broken house. It is the sacred duty of every tribesman to search for the hero of legend and, should the hero deem you worthy, accompany him on his holy quest. Be vigilant, child! The warrior may walk among us, even now. Ha! Even you tiny one, even you could be the incarnation of the chosen one.

mad kid

URNGHNG! Foolish, musclebound, mortal oaf! The prophecy foretells of a son, native born, that will wrest the Helm of Longing from the horrors of the Locryan Abyss and restore it to its rightful place in the Hall of Rejoicing. Look upon me, ye mortal, and tremble. I...AM...RETURN! Come mortal, we must prepare for the long journey ahead, and adventure!

Mood: hella hella
Music: What Not To Wear

https://i1.wp.com/www.businessangelblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/yuppie-80s.jpg

Hello? ……
Hello? Who’s calling please? *heavy breathing*
Hello?!  …  Who is this? I can hear you breathing, you know.  …  I’m going to hang- secret…cheese
No! It can’t be. H-how did you find me? Oh God, NO….NOT AGAIN! secret cheese
Mood: weirdly hella
Music: Mates of State-Fraud in the 80’s

Ooooooooooooh,

you’re never alone with a wheel of cheese,

your milky friend will let you do as you please,

police car chases and killer bees,

income tax audits and attorn-eeeeeeeys,

aren’t any match for my friend cheese!


an introduction





Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really me...it's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.

copyright

All content on Blog, Sweet Blog is copyrighted by me, Anna Hell. Unless otherwise noted, all photos, words, and content on this site are mine, created by me, and should not be used without my permission (or at least attributed and linked back). I try to embed links or quote original source material if I use another person's work.

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