Blog, Sweet Blog

Posts Tagged ‘depressed

Mood: 100% ugh
Music: Red Lorry Yellow Lorry-Hollow Eyes



So, it seems like everything in my life these days is turning into a big pile of stinky brown doody.  I feel like I’m just watching myself barely make it through each day and I’m not sure what to do about it all.  To make matters worse, I also don’t feel like blogging about it and that usually helps.

As compromise, let’s talk about my new camera.  As I said, I hadn’t taken many pictures since losing my camera in Washington D.C. (along with an entire, striking National Mall at Night photo set), and I wanted to replace it.  I ended up buying one of these

Canon PowerShot S90


It was pretty expensive for a compact, point and shoot, and I could have bought a nice, entry-level DLSR body for a few dollars more.  I chose my little camera for, what I think are, good reasons which I’ll discuss after the period and spaces.

First, there are the issues of cost and portability.  I think I’ve gotten a lot of good pictures from my pocket cameras and I’m loathe to lug around an expensive, high-maintenance image maker.

I also have a low opinion of photography as an art form.  Sorry.  I like taking pictures and I even try to make a lot of “arty” photos, but it’s easy for me and I feel like there’s very little skill involved.  Drawing is hard.  Painting takes years to master.  Sculpture, fiber arts, dance, and music composition are all very challenging and each involves some practiced technique.  For the most part, I feel like photography is just a way of curating life.  I also like to carry a camera around with me whenever I can and taking photos all the time makes the act of photography seem less special; more common, like a sketch.

There are exceptional photographic artists, of course, but I don’t regret not buying a DSLR.

It’s a nice little camera.  I can set the aperture, shutter speed, it has a lot of ISO settings, a video mode, it can shoot in RAW format, it has manual focus, it fits in the little pocket in my purse or bus bag, and it has a decent wide-angle lens.   So, win win, win, win, win, win, win, win, win!

I got it on Wednesday and have been busy catching up on taking horrible photos of Miss Kitty, to wit…


the gruffalumox



…and…

relaxed cat is relaxing


And let’s not forget the arty photos in which I offer a glimpse of my naked sorrow, dread, and misery cloaked within the guise of the abstract and mundane…




Mood: Rock*A*Teens-What Took You So Long
Music: East River Pipe-So Much Hate

I’m having one of those Friday nights. Oh, who am I kidding? This is my stock Friday night. Leave work late, eat dinner, do nothing, try not to think about it too much, then call it a night until electrolysis tomorrow. And I hate it. The house is too quiet, my thoughts are too loud, and I keep listening to the same four songs.

What Took You So Long by Rock*A*Teens

So Much Hate by East River Pipe

You’re a Bigger Jerk Than Me by The Karl Hendricks Rock Band

Up With People (live) by Lambchop

No, they’re not happy songs, but they’re not depressing either…more somber and introspective…like me, tonight.  So, is there any problem Up With People can’t solve?  Is there a whiskey-soaked, 2 AM insight that that song can’t provide, every time?  I don’t believe there is.  Every time that song comes on, it’s a light breeze on a summer’s nap, slow motion Roman candles, that second drink, and floating on your back in the lake after a sauna, staring at the stars.   Up With People will bail you out of jail, any time, no questions asked.

You’re going to have to excuse this next part.  I’m not feeling that great.

So, people are bullshit.  If you’re able to glean one lesson from what I write, let it be this:  you’re going to die someday and you will die alone.  You can arrange a lifetime’s worth of friends and family around your soon-to-be-lifeless corpse, but nothing can change the fact that you’re going to take those last few steps alone.  So, you might as well make a peace with solitude.  I have.  I don’t like it but I don’t have any other choice right now.  I’m letters away from an unhinged, nightmare epic of self-pity and recrimination, so let’s just say that I feel like I’ve been trying to truly connect with people and, so far, it doesn’t seem to be working.  I’m still hopeful that it’ll work out and that I’ll find my niche, but what do I do until then?

And that was my Friday.  How was yours?


an introduction





Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really me...it's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.

copyright

All content on Blog, Sweet Blog is copyrighted by me, Anna Hell. Unless otherwise noted, all photos, words, and content on this site are mine, created by me, and should not be used without my permission (or at least attributed and linked back). I try to embed links or quote original source material if I use another person's work.

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