Blog, Sweet Blog

Posts Tagged ‘funny

A continuing series of reposts from my tumblr page,

My chance to hop on the annoying Jesus bandwagon…

mary: OK, now really look this time. Do you see anything in my eye?

jesus: Hey Mary?

mary: Do you see anything?

jesus: Hey Mary?

mary: What?

jesus: Knock, knock

mary: Seriously? My eye really hurts, Jesus! Could you just do what I ask for once?

jesus: No, it’s cool, you’ll like this one. Knock knock.

mary: Ugh. Who is it?

jesus: *laughing* Jesus. It’s Jesus.

mary: Jesus who?

jesus: Jesus Christ would you shut the damn door already! HAHAHAHAHA.

mary: You’re an asshole.

A continuing series of reposts from my tumblr page,

Starting from top left… 1. people 2. people 3. people 4. people 5. people, but very slowly 6. people, 3, 4, and 9 7. really slow people, other cows 8. man, all of the above 9. chili rellenos…also, people (via tasteslikestatic, mydarling)

Counting from left to right, top to bottom…

1. people

2. people

3. people

4. people

5. people, but very slowly

6. people, 3, 4, and 9

7. really slow people, other cows

8. man, all of the above

9. chili rellenos…also, people

Mood: I’m a rocker.  I’m rocking out.
Music: The Runaways-Cherry Bomb

We will cut you.

My dearest Internets,

How are you?  I am fine.  Camp is a lot of fun and I am having the best summer!

Jk, but seriously, Internets, I am fine and most any summer camp (computer, horse, macramé knife-fighting)would be a lot of fun.

I have some links and commentary to share, but I wanted to catch up on those New Year’s resolutions we talked about last time.  How are you doing with yours?  Mine are off to a decent start.  I actually exercised for the first time since surgery yesterday.  It was a short, mega-freezing walk, but it felt good to be outside again.  And I took the bus this morning!  Hooray pub transpo sys! It was hard to wake up on time after so long, but I think this whole bus thing is going to work out, y’know? That’s about all I’ve got so far.  I need to find some way to cata-blog all of these New Year’s achievements…perhaps a Blog, Sweet Blog achievement toteboard? Is that too much? Too crazy?

In other news, I seem to have arrived at a strange confluence of heavy music news and links and I want to share them with you all, of course.

-The Runaways are awesome (and will cut you if you don’t watch it) and they’re making a sort of borderline-horrible movie about them.  I think it’s because I’m getting more old and crotchety by the hour, but I kind of hate the way they cut movie trailers these days.  Like, either they make four different trailers that make a movie seem like it’s a wacky comedy, a crime thriller, a documentary on the British aristocracy, and an adorable romantic comedy.  Or, in the case of this trailer, they make it seem like The Runaways invented polio and then cured it.  They’re certainly important and awesome, but yeesh, enough with the “in a world” gravitas already.

-Yesterday, Little Big John John Johnny Cakes told me about Hideous Gnosis: A Black Metal Theory Symposium and I had thoughts about things.  I replied to him, thusly…

I’m not really sure what to make of the Black Metal Symposium.  My first impulse is, “if academics are studying it, it’s time to get out.”  The academics could just be highly educated fans, but the idea of shining the light on a form of expression that, by its very nature, defies analysis and rejects exposure, seems kind of ridiculous.  And why not other metal subgenres?  There are thematic connections and a great deal of overlap between black metal and doom, death, viking/pagan, etc.  I think the answer is that black metal is really popular right now and has become a shorthand buzzword for people to latch onto.  Speaking of, there’s a documentary coming out about two of the major/most controversial BM artists from Norway.  I heard an interview with the filmmakers, but it left me feeling like people are way too interested in black metal at the moment.

Still, I’m going to read the material on the site and listen to the lectures before I offer a formal, Blog, Sweet Blog opinion.  There’s already been some excellent commentary on the topic here.

I do have one quick comment though.  Phrases like, “Representing textual significance as a plenitude…” put me on the lookout for further academic douchebaggery.  I’m not a liberal-arts academic, but I am somewhat familiar with academic papers on electrical/communications engineering.  Maybe it’s a cultural difference, but it seems like I almost never encounter language like that in the scholarly papers of my field.  It seems like we try to write as simply as possible and let the data and figures speak for themselves.  It seems like I see a lot of overwrought, near-baroque word usage in artist’s statements too and they always make me feel like they’re just having a laugh.  But, as I said, this could be a cultural difference and an encouraged form of academic expression within the liberal arts academic community.

Regardless of my eventual opinion on the merits of the symposium, I think it’s great that outsiders and metal fans are talking about music that I love.

“Until the Light Takes Us’ is that documentary I was talking about above.  It’s playing at Starz on January 29th, hooray! I listened to an interview with the filmmakers on The Sound of Young America podcast a while ago and, let’s just say, the filmmakers did not inspire me to see their film.  They started off the interview by saying they weren’t fans of black metal and only got into it via the owner of Aquarius Records (a tiny wonder of an amazing record store in San Francisco).  I think that’s +1 to the theory that black metal has attained some unexplained, hipster cachet these days.

That statement also gave me pause because I think the quality of documentaries has really gone down over the past five or ten years.  It seems like I’ve seen a lot of pointless, haphazard documentaries over the past year (We Jam Econo, Helvetica, Beautiful Losers).  I think there are too many documentary filmmakers flooding my movie screens with mediocrity.  I’m going to see the movie, but it seems far from the documentary I was hoping for.

-Also, apparently, there are death metal roosters…

-Deathklok is still really funny/brutal…

-Finally, Colorado had a thriving punk/new-wave scene in the 70’s and 80’s (Wax Trax! started here, y’know) and this site will tell you all about it.

Best wishes and etc., your biggest fan,

Dr. Annabelle Lies

Mood: Fa la la, fa la la, Christmas!
Music: Tight Bros From Way Back When-Show Me

Perhaps you’ve heard of a little, genius, and at times, ridiculously funny Internet and print publishing venture known as McSweeney’s? If you haven’t, for shame, Internets, really.  Please click the following links to increase your knowledge of “actual post-modernism at its finest” and let’s not let this sort of thing happen again, hmm?

The McSweeney’s Wikipedia page

The Official McSweeney’s site

A page about LOLcats

Anyway, McSweeney’s, love.  I’m no expert on English literature or literary journals, but McSweeney’s is the sort of literary journal a girl like me can really get behind, you know?  It has amazing writing, great art, interesting topics and guests, and it doesn’t seem to take itself too seriously….which is like the literary equivalent of turning lead into gold…because it’s so hard…since they’re always so serious and stuff.

I think I first heard of the site around 2004.  This is one of the first things I read…

P U N C H L I N E S   S U G G E S T E D
B Y   A S H T O N   K U T C H E R
F O R   P U N K ‘ D T H A T
W E R E   R E J E C T E D
D U E   T O   T H E I R
A R C H A I C   N A T U R E .


– – – –

You’ve been hoodwinked!

You have been beguiled by my cohorts!

You are the victim of our flimflam!

You, unfortunately, are the jestee!

You are the one who was hornswoggled!

It is you the gomeril!

The previous contingency was an apery!

…and it still makes me laugh, every time.  They’re all good, but I think the last one is my favorite…apery!

The other day, I decided that I want to become a published by McSweeney’s author, either by the Internet site or the journal.  I’m funny…ok, amusing, at least…and the writing on the site is exactly the sort of writing I’m interested in.  I studied the website submission guidelines (small steps, y’all) and had a look at Blog, Sweet Blog‘s back catalog.  You know what?  I do not write like a person who writes for McSweeney’s, at all!  Nope, not even a little bit.  I think I could, maybe, but I’m going to have to start from scratch.  Besides, I have it on good authority that they will not accept “previously published” works, and that includes anything I’ve posted to my blog.  Nevermind.

So, I guess I’m trying to say I’m working on some pieces to submit to McSweeney’s.  The website doesn’t pay anything and I’m not really doing this so I can lord it over all of you (just watch though, I’m totally going to lord it over all of you if I get a book published).  No, this goes back to something someone said to me some time.  I can’t recall any of the details, but I do remember this quote:

“If you want people to see/love your work, you should submit it to places and show it to people.”

Those are wise words, Anonymous Stranger and I’m trying to follow your advice.  As usual, I’ll let you all know if something happens.

Happy Holidays!

p.s. yes, that’s supposed to be falling snow on the site.  It’s not an eye seizure.

Mood: Hot and bothered
Music: Six Organs of Admittance-River of Transfiguration

He put a version of this on his site, but the way he edited it makes me seem unfunny and incoherent.  So, here’s the real thing, uncut and direct…because I care about you guys…and what you think of me…and that you think I’m more funny than he is…and kittens.

Anna: urgh! big business is playing redacted at the redacted lounge
Andrew: are you gonna tell them to shove their copyright reform up their cramholes?
Anna: no :\
Anna: they’re a good band
Anna: oh, do you mean Big Business?
Andrew: um, let me check slashdot and ars technica real quick
Anna: that wasn’t all supposed to be italicized
Andrew: that was supposed to be a joke
Andrew: i’ve never heard of big business.
Anna: well, it’s hard to tell
Andrew: do they have black brains, skeletons, et. al as well?
Anna: they’re good, came from Karp, part of Murder City Devils, play in Melvins now
Anna: no, but thanks for asking
Anna: they’re just heavy
Anna: i listen to music that isn’t dark you know
Andrew: LOL WUT
Anna: stfu
Anna: for reals
Anna: i’m not so 1 dimensional
Andrew: whatever. go deface some churches.
Anna: don’t you whatever me
Anna: i don’t go in for that sort of thing
Andrew: oh, so you just plant pentagrams then?
Anna: not at all
Anna: i usually volunteer at animal shelters
Andrew: ooohhhh yeah, so when one needs to be put down you can just take it to your ritual
Andrew: smart!
Anna: nice turn around
Anna: but still no
Andrew: this isn’t fun when you just deny stuff
Anna: 🙂
Anna: k fine, rituals and stuff
Anna: it’s so awesome
Andrew: too late
Anna: this one time, we had four different kinds of animal blood
Anna: it was like a salad bar for satanists
Anna: zing!
Andrew: you mean the blood was dressing for your salad bar
Anna: no, “like” means it was similar to that, but not actually that
Anna: more like a soup
Andrew: ok, i was going to complain again but then you brought it back

In other news, I actually got up early enough to ride the bus!  Goooooo, me!  It was scary, kind of.  The bus isn’t bad, but I ride the light rail to the bus station.  On the train, people sit like three feet in front of your face.  So, there was the nerve-wracking scrutiny, but, again,  I didn’t die or burst into flames.  I still have to take them home, but I think it’s going to be alright.

Oh, and I know I’m kind of doing this in reverse, but you guys should really listen to that Six Organs song and, like meditate.  It’s third eye-opening good.

an introduction

Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.


All content on Blog, Sweet Blog is copyrighted by me, Anna Hell. Unless otherwise noted, all photos, words, and content on this site are mine, created by me, and should not be used without my permission (or at least attributed and linked back). I try to embed links or quote original source material if I use another person's work.

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January 2022