Blog, Sweet Blog

Posts Tagged ‘getting over it

Mood: Kinda sad
Music: Made in Spain

My ex and I were still a couple and on vacation.  This time we were in Magic China in a guest house with a natural hot springs pool filled with three-foot-long Koi.  She was on the couch watching Magic Chinese television…gymnastics, I think.  I was in the pool trying to figure out how the fish could survive in such hot, briny water.  Then, I was sitting next to her on the couch.

“Are you going to be ok with this?”

She turned toward me and and blinked heavy tears from her amazing, blue eyes.

“If this is what you really want…”

And then I woke up.

I’ve had variations of this dream since we broke up last May.  And let’s be honest, by “broke up” I mean she moved out after months and months of my being intolerable and pushing her away.  It’s been well over a year and I still don’t feel any different about her.  Intellectually, post-transition, I know we’re wrong for each other.  And, I don’t think I would ever have another relationship with a woman again…but still. Most of the time I regret how things turned out and how I behaved and how I treated her and how she’s utterly absent from my life now.  I think about all of that and I wonder when I’ll stop feeling this way.

Are you getting old when your regrets and mistakes start winning?

In other news, congratulations Charles and Oyuna! I’m so happy for you two, again 🙂  Yes, I know that seemed like a psychotic segue, but my life isn’t all misery and regret.

an introduction

Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.


All content on Blog, Sweet Blog is copyrighted by me, Anna Hell. Unless otherwise noted, all photos, words, and content on this site are mine, created by me, and should not be used without my permission (or at least attributed and linked back). I try to embed links or quote original source material if I use another person's work.

Click the button thing below to have a delicious li'l slice o' Anna cake* delivered to your emails inbox whenever I write something new!

*N.B. Anna cake contains neither Anna nor cake.

Join 4 other followers

sorted into tiny boxes


i’ve been listening to…

favorite artists this week

flickr photos

mah numbas

  • 45,791 hits
November 2021