Blog, Sweet Blog

Posts Tagged ‘hormones

Mood: Blah, blah, blah
Music: Lifelover-Forspel & Intrеng


INT. ANNA’S LIVING ROOM

ANNA sits on the couch, watching a Food Network show, and casually surfing the Internet.

ANNA’S cell phone (on the coffee table in front of her) vibrates twice, then starts playing “Punk As Fuck” by The American Analog Set.  ANNA picks up the phone and looks at the screen.  It’s her sister.

ANNA

Hellll-oooo!

JEN

What are you doing!

ANNA

Nothing…watching Ace of Cakes, playing computer.

JEN

You’re funny.

ANNA

Tell me about it.

JEN

So, hey…are you busy this weekend?  There’s this gallery opening and it’s going to be awesome and I think we should be there.

ANNA

We’re…so…going!  I don’t think I have anything planned.  Um, let me consult with Madame Online Dayplanner.

(Opens up computer calendar application)

What’s today?  The 28th? Fuck.

JEN

What?

ANNA

Unfortunately, I have a prior engagement.  My end of the month, crushing, hormonal depression starts tonight.  I can’t go.  Sorry.

JEN

Oh, fuck…I forgot, sorry.  Do you need any help?  Do you want me to get you anything?

ANNA

Do you have any slow, bleak metal?

JEN

What? No!

ANNA

Black candles?

JEN

You know I don’t approve of that that stuff.

ANNA

Do you want to come over and watch Steel Magnolias over and over again and never change out of your pajamas and just eat cheese and ice cream all day?

JEN

Again? What is it with you and that movie, Anna?  No, that sounds horrible.

ANNA

Then you’re dead to me.

(pause)

I’m kidding.  I’ll be fine.  I should be finished with this in a week or so.  Call me then, k?

JEN

Ok, then.

(pause)

Try to get out of the house at least, ok?  I love you.

ANNA

I’ll try.  I love you too.  Bye.

JEN

Bye.

*unfortunately, this is a real thing and it’s that time of the month again.

Mood: In one of those moods…tiredcranky
Music: Spiritualized-I Think I’m in love

I don’t really, but I’m feeling cranky and uppity this morning.  Sometimes I like to put up inflammatory titles in order to “attract readers” and make them “read my blog.”  There is a point to that title and I’ll get to it right after this morning’s music lesson…

I wanted to do a whole post about Spiritualized and Spacemen 3, but I couldn’t find this one picture I was thinking of…so we all suffer.  It was triangular like a space mission patch with the Spacemen 3 logo…ta da!…

https://i2.wp.com/www.bodypunks.com/Impact-Images/detail/sm01.jpg

…and it had the band’s logo “Taking drugs to make music to take drugs to” (which is just about the most awesome slogan ever) written around the border of the patch in rainbow letters.  Did I just hallucinate that one night or does this actually exist?  Maybe I’m thinking of this brilliant band’s brilliant album cover?

hawkwind_-_in_search_of_space_a.jpg IN SEARCH OF SPACE image by cozzmick

Thrilling deep space adventure, thy name is Hakwind.

Seriously, who wouldn’t want to go on that mission?  But anyway, I can’t find that picture, so I’m not going to give them a full post.  Both bands are pretty great though.  They fail some of the time, but if you want to hear songs about making a go of life even though you have a gigantic drug habit, lost love, regret, junked-out alienation, having your breakfast right off of a mirror,  and fucking freaking out with guitars, then this is the band for you.   “Home of the Brave” came on this morning at the beginning of my bus ride and it was perfect and beautiful.

Ok, so on to the point of this post.  I subscribe to a lot of blogs and read their updates every morning before starting work.  I also have a YouTube page and even though I haven’t been to it in months, I have channel subscriptions so I can keep up with people’s video logs (or vlogs, which is not a term I like as it reminds me of the sound of vomit).  I like hearing and reading people’s stories, and vlogs and blogs can be so intimate.  So I follow a lot of *logs and I generally enjoy them.  But, there are a few *vlogs that just give me the cringing crazies (like yours for one, Jamie, sorry…lol, jk).  Like, they’re just so full of shit or so unbelievably conceited and clueless and stupid, yet hopeful that I can’t help but read or watch whatever they put up.  It’s like bad, but earnest, cable access…I can’t look away.

Now, of course I realize that there is a certain level of blind narcissism involved in sharing your every intimate thought and mal-formed opinion with the world.  And I’m as guilty as the next person.  Yes, of course I’m very funny and one of the world’s leading experts on “music you should be listening to right now” (Interpol would pair well with this paragraph), but at least I’m…I don’t know…aware?  …self-deprecating? …honest? …not usually delusional?  Oh, I don’t know what I’m trying to say.  I don’t want to be a total bitch and call them out from my tiny blog or send them an itemized list of the ways they suck (and with what frequency).  I guess I just want to grouse and complain.  Oh, and if you’re worried that I’m talking about you and I’ve written you at any point, stop worrying.

Ugh, I told you I was in one of those moods.  I’ve had a headache since five minutes before waking up (I’m blaming hormones) and I have to pee…again.  Also, I’m working on a speech that my boss will read to my coworkers at the all-hands meeting right after he tells everyone my biggest secret ever and it’s kind of doing my head in.

Mood: Retrospective
Music: Superchunk-Saving My Ticket

Hey there Deirds, long time no write.  Well, I have been plenty busy and writing a lot, just haven’t been writing in here.  I just picked up my fourth prescription so I thought I’d post some new pictures and talk about the effects HRT have had on me so far.  On to the pictures…

*ed. note:  Yes, these are also personal…and wholly unflattering, therefore they will not be included.

Obviously my hair is a bit longer.  It looks like I have more hair on top but it might just be the longer hairs looking like there’s more coverage up there (ugh).  My chin is a little bit more distinct and actually looks like a separate entity from my neck.  The shape of my face looks a bit different, but it’s hard to describe.  It might just be that I’ve lost more weight.  The hair on my upper lip is killing me but I have to grow it out for my weekly electrolysis sessions.  It’s nice that Luanne was able to get that last little patch on my chin.  I don’t know, I’m getting happier with what I see in the mirror/camera, but it’s slow.

Regarding the other body changes…my skin is definitely softer and more thin (I can see the veins underneath easier), more dry as well.  I’m noticing a lot of little wrinkles on my face and I don’t know if that’s due to aging (sigh) or the fact that my skin is thinner and more dry.  My hands get dry easier…it’s almost like a prune hands feeling.

As I said before, my breasts are kind of out of control right now.  I know it’s because I have a lot of body fat right now.  They’re still kind of misshapen like man boobs, but it’s easy to see that there’s more going on than that.

The hair growth on my forearms, chest, and around my navel seems to have slowed down a bit.  Right now, I shave every week, so it’s easy to track my hairs’ progress.  I’ll be so glad when I can go more than a week without shaving and not have it be really noticeable.

Emotionally, I’m still about the same.  Actually, looking back, that first month was pretty hard…like I felt pretty sad or felt like I needed to have a huge cry while I was exercising.  I haven’t felt that like that for a few weeks at least.  I’ve felt either mellow or really happy/giddy, which has been a nice change of pace.  My motivation is pretty high.  I’ve been able to get a lot of stuff done at home.  Work is a different story though.  I feel like I’ve been way more interested in YouTube than getting any work done.  I think the problem is that I’m having a hard time getting started on this new software project and it kind of freaking me out.

What else…I may have mentioned it before, but either my sense of smell has increased or my tolerance for bad smells has decreased significantly.  Like last night, I was walking around the house try to sniff out the source of some foul odor that has permeated the house.  I think it might be the rotting chicken (yes, I know, eww) that’s in the trash in the garage, but I’m not sure.  Hopefully that clears off when the trash gets picked up tomorrow.  If it doesn’t, I’m going to have to burn the house down and start fresh somewheres else…lol, jk!

I may have mentioned this before as well, but my appetite seems to have increased.  Like sometimes, I’ll just find myself at the refiregerator grazing on something and I’ve made oatmeal raisin cookies twice in the last five weeks!  Thankfully, I’m still exercising, not really dieting though.  I’d hate to think what I’d be like if I wasn’t.  Speaking of, I’ve decided that I’m not going to lift weights any more.  I might do some yoga or pilates, but it’s going to be mostly walking, hiking, or bike riding from here on.  I’d rather start from a place of reduced muscle mass and fat and then build from there.  I’m also trying to eat more good carbs (whole grains, vegetable, etc) and less protein and fats.

Oops, gotta go Deirds.  I’m going to call Mom when I get home.

XOXO,

Anna


an introduction





Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really me...it's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.

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All content on Blog, Sweet Blog is copyrighted by me, Anna Hell. Unless otherwise noted, all photos, words, and content on this site are mine, created by me, and should not be used without my permission (or at least attributed and linked back). I try to embed links or quote original source material if I use another person's work.

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