Blog, Sweet Blog

Posts Tagged ‘HR

Mood: I have the dread
Music: WBLS’s In Control from 7.14.89 feat. Ultramagnetic MCs and 3rd Bass

Margaret demonstrates the low point in Victorian-era Women's athletics, the wildly unpopular, Single-handed Trunk Drag.

I was watching Bram Stoker’s Dracula when I started writing this the other day and I realized, the first five minutes of  that movie are totally metal.

So Happy New Year, y’all.  I realize it’s a little late to do resolutions and wrap-ups (or so says John), but I wasn’t aware of any rules or time limits banning the writing of New Year’s resolutions after January 1st.  I figure, as long as I get something out by the end of January, we’re good.

First, let’s recap the major events of 2009…

-continued basking in the crappy, coming-out aftermath with my parents.

-CAME OUT AT WORK!!!  Seriously, in retrospect, this almost seems like a non-event, but, let me assure you, it was definitely an event.  I don’t think I’ll ever forget the megaWatts of energy expended in sweating worry, HR meetings, legal wrasslin’, and amazing letter writing before the big day, but it was all totally worth it.  It’s hard to believe I’ve been full time for 8 months now.

drove out see my father in Iowa for July 4th weekend, had a great time.  Also saw the mighty Sunn O)) in the mighty Big O.

-finally realized my cat might be trying to kill me.

-spoke at work conferences in both Washington D.C. and Mobile, AL…I should prolly tell those stories at some point.

-renewed my nuptial vows with my first love, Cheese.

-read some books.

went back to graduate school, got an A.

-battled King Ghidorah with Godzilla on Japan’s mysterious Monster Island.

tried internet dating and won.

-made up with my mother and she and my aunt came out to visit.

-had an unplanned gall bladder-ectomy.

-crowned Queen of Donkey Kong.

-won a caption writing contest and got my first professional writing rejection.

Holy wow, that was quite a year, hunh?!  I’ve read how some other bloggers didn’t particularly care for our old friend, 2009, but I thought it was pretty great.  I think my choice to (and following through with) transition helped a lot and waking up from the eight-year long nightmare of the Bush/Cheney regime seemed to lighten up the place considerably.

This is getting long, so let’s take a cheese break and meet back at the next, thrilling New Year’s installment, Viva la Resolutions!

Mood: Surly
Music: Sleater-Kinney-Hollywood Ending

UGH!   I’ve changed my name most everywhere and I haven’t had many problems with the old one creeping up…except for at my university.  I’m taking an engineering management graduate class, Project Management Systems (weee!) in the fall.  This class will be like a refresher before I start back to grad school for my MSEE in the spring (or next fall).   So, I’ve been trying to take care of everything before the semester starts and, frustratingly, my old name pops up all over the place.  I’ve put in a few helpdesk tickets to fix it, but it seems like they’re only fixing one instance at a time.  Today, I checked my student email and sent out a test message and my address comes up like…

Old Name []

So, that’s been a lot of fun.  I sent them another email a few minutes ago and asked them if they could just, you know, fix everything all at the same time.  The thing that kills me is that this is a new school, sort of.  I graduated from another campus, so some of the records are the same, but most are different.  I changed my name with the registrar at the old campus and I thought I was done.  Silly rabbit.

Right now, the whole thing bothers me, but it’s more of an annoyance.  However, I’ll be nigh-devestated if this sort of mistake pops up in the classroom or during the school year.  I can imagine a professor getting a class roster with my old name on it and demanding to know who I am and why I’m not on their list.  Good times.

Mood: Peaceful-ish
Music: What Not to Wear-Stacy and Clinton making fun of some woman’s wardrobe

So, they had that meeting yesterday…the one where they were talking about me and sharing my most intimate, secret secrets with everyone I work with like it was no big deal.  I’m sure people were asking questions about me and discussing me and thinking things and wondering and moving me from one box to another and on and on.  I had a mini-freakout at the start of the meeting, but that quickly passed.

Afterward, I got wonderful emails from a few people and they all said that the meeting went well.  Everyone seemed to be receptive and taking the news well.  Ok, I’m not sure if this happens a lot, but I guess most people were kind of pissed at how the meeting announcement was handled…like they were going to announce massive layoffs or something.  I’ve heard a couple of versions of this story from other trans-women.  So, I’m not sure how they should be announcing this sort of thing, but maybe they should include a disclaimer like, “oh and btw, no one is getting fired…except for you Larry, you’re horrible.”  So yeah, so far so good, right?  I am a little bit nervous about tomorrow, but I’m kind of all worried out.  Besides, everyone already knows, so there isn’t much more to worry about.

I guess I’m only worried about looking nice and what I’m going to wear.  And I don’t mean that in like a oh pooh, whateva shall I wear to the ball kind of worry.  Turns out, the big big, numero uno boss boss-type boss person is flying out from the mother ship and visiting us tomorrow.  So, now I have to pick something that looks nice, is business-casual, and won’t embarass me or my coworkers in front of the boss.  I was just going to wear jeans or something .

In other news, I got quite a bit done yesterday.  I got my new driver’s license and Social Security card and did some shopping.  I was pretty nervous at the first stop, but I felt a lot better by the end of it.  Today, I think I’ll go for a bike ride then do some more shopping 🙂 and get ready for tomorrow.  That’s it I guess.  I’m doing well and I feel like this might actually work out.

Mood: Ugh, Monday
Music: Swans-Beautiful Child

Wow, that Swans song came on and I’m always awed by their…majestic depravity?  If there was a band that could immanentize the eschaton or rouse dead Cthulhu from his dreaming  at R’lyeh, it would be them…or Current 93.

Anyway, as you can see by my cute, though odd counter-type thingy (which I originally introduced near the end of this post), I am getting pretty close to starting back to work (and thus beginning the rest of my life) as Anna.  It says 9 days, but Friday will be my last day here at work and the last time I try to present as male.

So yeah, I’m getting very close and I thought now would be a good time to talk about how I’m doing with all of this.   I hate to be all zen-like and drama-free, but I’m pretty much over it at this point.  I still have a constant, low-level anxiety and still think about it quite a bit, but I feel a lot better than I did.   I was almost out of my head with worry and anxiety when I came out to my first (and best) friend and my parents in late October.  Somehow, it got worse (high blood pressure, trouble sleeping) after I had decided on my schedule for going full-time and telling work.  I felt like passing out and like I was going to have a stroke-heart attack-seizure most of the time from right before I sent our HR person my packet on March 18th until I came out to my boss in our mid-year review meeting six days later.  As I said, even though I’m not 100%, I feel a lot better now and hope that the rest of the anxiety will drain off as I add more “since then” days to my counter.  And, believe it or not, I am really excited.  I’m scared and nervous too, but I’m pretty sure it’s going to be great.

This is a good idea and the right decision for me, but it hasn’t been very easy.  I could still use about 2 hours of electrolysis every week, but I only go for 1.5 hours at most.  It’s a lot better now, but the facial hair on my upper lip is still visible on Fridays…everything else is invisible to the casual observer.   I’ve spent a ton of money on all of this…just over $4000 so far (over half of that on hair-removal alone) and plan to spend another $700-800 before I come back to work next week.  So, transition is like having another pet in the house that eats an extra $300-400 of food every month.  I think my electrolysis should taper off in the next few months, but I’ll need to spend some of that on buying clothes and building the rest of my life.  And let’s not even talk about saving for surgery…that is simply a bedtime fairy tale right now.  So honestly, I could have waited until I had more money or had gotten further along with hair removal, but you can wait your entire life for the right time.  I’ve done a lot of planning and waiting and I feel like now is a good time for me.

As per usual, here is a picture that I’d like to share with you….

Dr. Allison Mouser demonstrates her signature, though controversial, performance technique--butt synthesis.

an introduction

Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.


All content on Blog, Sweet Blog is copyrighted by me, Anna Hell. Unless otherwise noted, all photos, words, and content on this site are mine, created by me, and should not be used without my permission (or at least attributed and linked back). I try to embed links or quote original source material if I use another person's work.

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January 2022