Blog, Sweet Blog

Posts Tagged ‘internet dating

Mood: Fuh-fuh-fuh-Friday!
Music: The mum mum mum of the television

Continued from here.

True story: I’m not sure how to feel about a guy who begins his dating site profile with a quote from Nietzsche.  I’m 30% turned on, 25% already bored, and 45% afraid that he’s going to want to drag me to a White Power rally for our six month anniversary.  Internet dating is hard, you guys.

Mood: Fuh-fuh-duh-Friday!
Music: The mum mum mum of the television


Well hey there! Just so you know, tumblr has taken over my life and I kind of feel like selling all my possesions and shaving my head in the hopes that it pleases the elders of tumblr.  Until I finish one of those stories, here a recap of the “amazingly funny” stuff I’ve been shooting into deep tumblr space lately.

I think we need to talk about this, I have so many questions.  I  just noticed this banner ad for another dating/hookup site at the top of  my dating/hookup site.  I’m going to go with the theory that  the person who created this ad knew what they were doing, but ew, you  guys.  Wouldn’t it have been easier to just show Laying Down  Guy’s engorged member?  Why is his lover standing up in bed?!   Is this the sort of advertising that appeals to queer boys?  What would  the equivalent queer girl ad look like?

I think we need to talk about this, I have so many questions. I just noticed this banner ad for another dating/hookup site at the top of my dating/hookup site. I’m going to go with the theory that the person who created this ad knew what they were doing, but ew, you guys. Wouldn’t it have been easier to just show Laying Down Guy’s engorged member? Why is his lover standing up in bed?! Is this the sort of advertising that appeals to queer boys? What would the equivalent queer girl ad look like?

More exciting tumblr recaps to follow.  Stay tuned!

Mood: Yay Springtime!
Music: Bauhaus-The Man With The X-Rays Eyes

party in the air by anna hell

So, like I said, I have encountered nought but a string of clueless, mouth breathing, dimwits on the Internet since John and I broke up.  Sorry, that sounds mean.  I meant to say, I’ve been meeting a lot of  quivering, lumpy, shit-for-brains, fucktards who don’t know the difference between a fuckin’ lady and wet towel-snapping their bro’s pasty, middle aged, wake-me-up-when-you’re-done-having-sex-with-me-you-boring-wanker ass online lately. What, too much?

It’s my own fault, really.  I assume that showing a straight guy any interest, pre-surgery, is a waste of time and will mostly end in tears.  So I sit and wait to pounce upon whichever gentleman of quality happens to stop by my online love shack. Sadly, very few suitable suitors do…stop by my shack, that is.

The less suitable suitors send me these dumb letters or try to instant message me.  I think this bit from my online dating profile clears up my feelings on both…

Send me a message if…

…actually, don’t instant message me at all, I kind of hate it. But feel free to send me a thoughtful, interesting letter if you think you’re not a dullard, have something in common with me, and aren’t going to waste my time.

Ok, that sounds harsh. I’m actually a nice girl, but you’d be surprised at the amount of people who are really into me right up until they read my profile or who are wholly incapable of expressing themselves with words. I like words. I like people who know how to use words. I really like wordy people who really like me 🙂

Keep that in mind.  I loathe instant messaging (there are exceptions) and I really like people who know their way around the words.  Here’s a recent letter…

Hi gorgeous….How are you today?

Yep, that was the whole letter.  I suddenly had a case of the bitchy regrets, so I sent a him a non-committal reply…

Fine, thanks.

To which he replied, a week later…

Hi gorgeous…Anna…

Such wordsmith… -ery? -ing? -inosis? I kind of wanted to mail him my panties with the words, “WILL YOU MARRY ME?” scrawled on the backside in gold glitter nail polish.  But then I thought of the children, and my mother.  Neither would approve.

I also get…

interesting story. wanna chat?

Not in the slightest, but I thank you for asking! And…

Very attractive. I read your profile and like it. I also like that you are bisexual. I think bisexual women make the best lovers. Would like to hear from you.

Hmm, where should I start.  No.  Gross?  What?  Really? Actually, that one had a sort of European, man-whore, bravado, charm to it.  But still, no.  Another?

Nice pic and profile, would be nice to get to know you. sorry i am not writing more at the moment, i have to crash lol, its really late 😦

Aww, thanks for writing, Sunshine.  Tell your Mom I said hi!

Another guy keyed in on my one line profile joke about working in a secret government lab, because all of us enginerds do. He was cute and had a very good profile, so I indulged him…

Him: was it the san dimas lab or were you out in NM? Not that I know anything 🙂

Me: No, not that one, but I have been to Los Alamos! I work for another, non-secret lab in Colorado 🙂 You profile reminds me of mine…long, interesting, wordy, partly in French…ok maybe not French, but complex and interesting.

Him: well you have to make yourself stand out somehow in this crazy world! So what were you up to at these labs of ours? I have no desire to ever be attached to any of these establishments but then again how else am I going to get cool stories to tell at the watering holes when I am old and decrepit? 🙂

Me: I went to Los Alamos as side trip during a Santa Fe vacation. I’m an engineer at a lab here. We do communications research.

Him: So did you have a TS security clearance?

Me: ???

I think he was trying to offer me a job or recruit me for…something.  Even though my profile says I’m looking for “new friends”, it’s a lie.  I’m really looking for my other half.  I’ll take friendship as a consolation prize or as the start of passionate love affair, but shooting the breeze about our national research infrastructure doesn’t seem like fun to me and those aren’t the kind of friends I’m looking for.

And finally, this guy…

Him:  Do you believe in in monogomy? I’m naive, I admit it!

Me:  I guess I believe in realistic monogamy. I don’t think humans are really programmed to be with one person for their entire lives, but I am still looking for a long-term, non-cheating relationship with a single person. Why, what do you believe?

Him:  Well, I’m heterosexual, so I just didn’t know if it’s easier for me to be monogamous than you as a person attracted to both sex’s. I guess I believe unlike you that it IS possible to be with one person your entire life…at least that’s what I hope for! (:

Me:  As far as I know, there is no correlation between sexuality and monogamy. Regardless, I’m trying to find that one person as well.

Him:  So what do [sic] like most/worst about dating? (:

Me: *click*

He should have known I’d had enough by my second response; I tend to drop the science and the big words when I get mad.  Then again, he prolly should have known not to assume that bisexuality is on par with worshiping the devil, genocide, and smothering puppies.

Hrrm, this is getting to be extra-long and, unfortunately, there’s more to share.  How’s about we meet back here next time?  We can talk about the “winkers” and online dating Do’s and Don’ts (ok, mostly Don’ts) next time!

Mood: Feistytired
Music: Descendents-M16

glittering, savory by anna hell

Well, I’m back from Las Vegas, a few dollars poorer, but richer for the experience, insert your own cliché.  More on that later, promise.  In the meantime, let’s talk about about some recent goings-on with my ex.

So, if you’re just tuning in, I broke up with my first, post-transition boyfriend at the end of January.  I was/have been kind of sad about it, but these things happen.  I feel loads better now and I suppose this is as good a “writer’s experience” as any.  We traded a few hurtful emails for a week after breaking up, but I hadn’t contacted him or heard from him since then.  He sent me a hey! what’s new? email, apropos of nothing, last Monday.  That was weird all by itself, but the fact that he made me feel like he was just catching up with an old friend after a few weeks apart instead of randomly pinging a person who’d had feelings for him and who had willingly touched his penis made it seem extra awkward.

We have a history, him and I, officially.  We didn’t part on the greatest of terms and we certainly didn’t agree to remain friends.  Throughout my life, I’ve observed a strict as-soon-as-we-break-up-I-don’t-want-to-see-you-or-hear-from-you-or-think-about-you-ever-again-seriously policy.  I started to reevaluate that with my previous ex.  It seemed wrong to cut out such an important part of my life.  I’m beginning to believe that these people’s presence in my life is/has been meaningful and necessary.  I think learning to value that is better than hiding from pain. I relayed my newfound love for ex-loves to him in a meagbitchy, accusatory way…


I know you’re “not trying to ‘sell’ anything” but you contacting me out of the blue, like nothing ever happened is weird for me and a little hard to deal with.  I haven’t contacted you since we broke up because I didn’t want to talk to you, not because I felt like I had to stay away or give you space.  Are you trying, in some ham-fisted, obtuse way to say that you want to be friends?  I don’t know, maybe.

For the record, I love emails.  I sent you a lot of them, remember?  I don’t care for text messaging, but it has its place and I like them even better if they’re a precursor to a phone call.  I’m kind of meh on the Skype thing with you.  If you want to talk to me, why don’t we just get coffee or something?  I can like throw a rock at your house and it seems totally absurd to use Skype if we don’t have to.

Regards and such,


Ugh.  I think I could have managed a nicer, more diplomatic response but I am a woman scorned and them’s my feelings, y’all.

I’m not opposed to being friends with him, but our history gets in the way.  I’m funny…it’s like I hold my friends to a higher standard of behavior than my lovers.  So, where a boyfriend’s inability to express himself is merely annoying (at first, anyway) it can be the reason to end a friendship.  His foibles were charming and tolerable when we were intimate, but now they’re all dealbreakers.

If you haven’t guessed, his awkward attempt to reach out/make me crazy/whatever totally rubbed me the wrong way.  Combine that with the online dating winners I’ve encountered recently (oh, just you wait, my pretties) and I kind of feel like giving up on guys.  Are all of them developmentally disabled when it comes to expressing themselves?  Is this how it’s going to be?  Like, if you’re interested in me and want me in your life, is a little wooing with the nice words too much to ask for?  Apparently.  I haven’t heard back from him.

Maybe it’s me?  Maybe my pre-surgery standards are too high?  Maybe I am the megabitch ice queen who’s incapable of settling and doomed to a multi-cat spinsterhood?  I wish I knew, Internets.  If I did, I’d just go ahead and adopt another kitty right now.

I think it’s more likely that I’m a complex, complicated, somewhat damaged, skittish, too-smart-for-her-own-good girl who will find her other half, eventually.

Mood: Olympish!
Music: some Winter Olympics sports coverage

my feelings, let me show you them

So…not in a great mood on this, our most made-up of holidays.  I broke up with John for reals last Monday.  I know, shocking, right?  How could such a precarious, ill-fated pairing not last forever?

We were only months into our relationship and we were still some time away from reaching any of the big relationship milestones (exchanging i love you‘s, meeting family members, etc.), but it’s still hard.  I think we always look into the mirror of intro-retrospection after a breakup.  Was it my fault?  What did I do wrong?  Am I unlovable?  In my heart, did I know this is where we’d end? For the record, the answers are: not really, dunno, no, and yes.  I also thought about my previous ex and filtered the horrendous, wrenching end of that relationship through the end of this one…which is soooo fun.

I’m not going to go into the sordid details of the breakup.  I don’t hate John and I’m not about to cast aspersions and sling the mud.  I think our end had more to do with us being at different places in our emotional lives than anything else.  He’s recovering from a five year old divorce and I’m still really new to all of this.

The actual end came shortly after our first serious fight.  It was about something silly and random but that trivial thing was the perfect illustration of everything that was wrong with us.  It all just fell apart from there.  I think it was a good place to part ways, but those almost accidental endings seem so jarring.

Despite what my embroidery says, I’m not all bitter and angry.  I’m lucky to have the love of my family and friends and I very much value their presence in my life.  Then again, things are pretty awful right now, so I feel like engaging in a little bitter, dark, vulgar embroidery is totally justified…at least for one day.  I’ll do something cuter tomorrow, promise 🙂

I just found this excellent reminder to help us keep it all in perspective…

All the heart-shaped boxes of chocolate goodness will be half off tomorrow. Treat yourself.

LOL, good one, Dottie.

an introduction

Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.


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January 2022