Blog, Sweet Blog

Posts Tagged ‘internet dating

Mood: I have the dread
Music: WBLS’s In Control from 7.14.89 feat. Ultramagnetic MCs and 3rd Bass

Margaret demonstrates the low point in Victorian-era Women's athletics, the wildly unpopular, Single-handed Trunk Drag.

I was watching Bram Stoker’s Dracula when I started writing this the other day and I realized, the first five minutes of  that movie are totally metal.

So Happy New Year, y’all.  I realize it’s a little late to do resolutions and wrap-ups (or so says John), but I wasn’t aware of any rules or time limits banning the writing of New Year’s resolutions after January 1st.  I figure, as long as I get something out by the end of January, we’re good.

First, let’s recap the major events of 2009…

-continued basking in the crappy, coming-out aftermath with my parents.

-CAME OUT AT WORK!!!  Seriously, in retrospect, this almost seems like a non-event, but, let me assure you, it was definitely an event.  I don’t think I’ll ever forget the megaWatts of energy expended in sweating worry, HR meetings, legal wrasslin’, and amazing letter writing before the big day, but it was all totally worth it.  It’s hard to believe I’ve been full time for 8 months now.

drove out see my father in Iowa for July 4th weekend, had a great time.  Also saw the mighty Sunn O)) in the mighty Big O.

-finally realized my cat might be trying to kill me.

-spoke at work conferences in both Washington D.C. and Mobile, AL…I should prolly tell those stories at some point.

-renewed my nuptial vows with my first love, Cheese.

-read some books.

went back to graduate school, got an A.

-battled King Ghidorah with Godzilla on Japan’s mysterious Monster Island.

tried internet dating and won.

-made up with my mother and she and my aunt came out to visit.

-had an unplanned gall bladder-ectomy.

-crowned Queen of Donkey Kong.

-won a caption writing contest and got my first professional writing rejection.

Holy wow, that was quite a year, hunh?!  I’ve read how some other bloggers didn’t particularly care for our old friend, 2009, but I thought it was pretty great.  I think my choice to (and following through with) transition helped a lot and waking up from the eight-year long nightmare of the Bush/Cheney regime seemed to lighten up the place considerably.

This is getting long, so let’s take a cheese break and meet back at the next, thrilling New Year’s installment, Viva la Resolutions!

Mood: Wubba wubba wubba
Music: Carpenters-Superstar!

Therefore, the problem of where I left my sandwich this morning has no solution within the set of complex polynomials and thus, cannot be solved. QED, y'all.

I think I’ve mentioned before how hard it is for us lovely trans-peeps to find El RomanceThe last post and adorable Jamie’s subsequent comment set me to pondering on how truly lucky I am.  It’s easy to forget your good fortune in the grind of life  and I was glad to have the chance to reflect on my happy state of affairs.

After a lot of  fond remembrance and some purring noises, the engineer that lives in my head started asking a bunch of annoying, engineer-y type questions.  How hard was it for me to meet someone, really?  Was it much harder than it is for other, cis-gendered women?  How much harder?  Is there a way to accurately quantify this experience in a rigorous, peer-reviewable fashion?  Have you ever noticed how I start a lot of my blogs with a lot of questions?  What’s up with that?  Is that a persistent trend or just something I’ll tire of in a few months?

Anyway, I’m sure this has been done somewhere else and with more skill and precision, but whatever.  This is my town and I’m just giving the people what they want…numbers and “science”! So, for what it’s worth, I offer you the following analysis and comparison of single Denver trans-girl dating in late 2009.

Approximate US population…308,000,000

If 50% are men…154,000,000

Approximate number of US men aged 25-44 (my dating range)…42,000,000

If 90% of them are straight or bisexual (using the “10% rule”¹)…37,800,000

How many of them live in Colorado (we’re about 7.7% of the US population)?…2,910,600

How many live in the Metro Denver area (about half)?…1,455,300

How many of those guys are “desirable”, e.g. not felons, not sex offenders, not homeless, not certifiably nuts, etc. (assuming 10% “undesirable”¹) ?…1,440,747

How many of those guys would date a transsexual (I have no idea, maybe 1 in 50¹)?…28,815

How many of those guys are the kind of guy who reads books, listens to good music, likes Art, is employed, doesn’t live at home, tolerates cats, isn’t a Republican, makes me laugh, is intelligent, isn’t into domestic violence, knows something about politics and current events, isn’t addicted to sports or Internet porn, isn’t already married/in a relationship/polyamorous, isn’t an alcoholic or drug addict, doesn’t drive a Hummer or monster truck, doesn’t like NASCAR, doesn’t care if I have tattoos, thinks I’m cute, and can take me out and buy me dinner every once in a while (ummm, 1 in 50 maybe¹)?…576

Chance I’ll meet one of these perfect guys on the streets of Denver? about 1 in 2500

Chance a cis-gendered woman with low standards will meet a guy on the streets of Denver? about 1 in 1

Chance a choosy, cis-gendered woman will meet a guy on the streets of Denver? 1 in 50

¹The data provided in these instances is a best-guess estimate, has not been verified, and should not be used as a basis for further academic research.  However, the author encourages ongoing, detailed collection of demographic data in the hopes that such data may one day support the suppositions contained herein.

To put it another way, it’s roughly two orders of magnitude or 50 times more difficult for me to find a suitable suitor compared to a straight, non-transsexual woman of Denver.  Yeesh, when you think about the odds, it almost seems like it’s not worth the bother.  Just kidding!  It’s all totally worth it and I highly recommend it.

So yeah, I’m lucky and I know it, clap your hands.  If you’re with someone, you should clap your hands as well.  If you’re not with someone and you want to be, go out there and find them!  The numbers say it’s far from impossible and not even as remote as winning the lottery or dying in a plane crash.  Chances are, you’re amazing and deserving of love and happiness, so go out there and get it!

Happa-happy Holidays!

p.s. For the record, I don’t believe that luck is a real thing.  However, I do believe that people can put themselves into a positive frame of mind where “lucky” things seem to happen…which is even better.

Mood: O Christmas tree, how lovely are your branches?
Music: Black Sabbath-Snowblind

Unicorn: Destroyer of Ponies! by Devin McGrath

One of the unintentional themes of my blog is that I hardly ever follow up on, or finish, any of my stories.  You may have noticed that I love to tease new ideas at the end of a lot of my blog posts, but I rarely come back to them.  Sorry, but I can’t really help it.  It’s like I get bored of the idea as soon as I type the words.  I don’t mean to, Internets and I realize that some sort of narrative thread is a good thing/piques people’s interest (although sweet unicorn art doesn’t hurt, am I right, people?).  In the spirit of turning that around, I offer you the following, vague update on my love life and maybe the metaphorical tying up of other, personal loose ends.

So, if you’ll recall (remember this and this?), the results of Internet Dating Sesh 1.0 were fail.  Internet Dating Sesh 2.0 has been going a lot better and by better, I mean I actually met someone…a guy someone!  …a real, human guy someone!  I’m not going to go into a lot of detail because I’m a firm believer in “personal privacy.”  Also, he reads mah blog and I’d rather not drag him into my unfettered, Innertubes fantasy world and then have to explain my crazy later on when I see him.  “Anna, why did you describe last night’s date as elfin magic?” See, Internets? It could get complicated.  So, I reserve the right to make vague, occasional references to him and the things we do, but it’s not going to be any kind of a regular Blog, Sweet Blog feature.

His name…ok, his nom de guerre, is John.  He’s a little older than me, a little bit taller, and he makes a good living at Internetting.  We’ve been seeing each other at least weekly since our first date on October 15th.  Holy elfin magic, we’ve been dating for two months! Amway, dating is hard, you guys, even under the best of circumstances.  I don’t think I’ve done the analysis for you, but it’s kind of a mega-long-shot for trans people to find someone who makes them happy.  We’re not a perfect couple by any means, and we still have some things to figure out, but I like John and he makes me happy.  It’s way too soon to speculate on the future and our roles in each other’s stories, but for now, we’re definitely dating 🙂  Oooh, maybe I should change my dating profile to seeing someone?  Or maybe there’s a setting for…”Fuck off losers!  I hate you all and I’m off the market so stick it in your cram holes.  Have fun being single and alone and crying all the time, nerds.  Also, suck it.” That may be a tad wordy/curse-y, but them’s my feelings, y’all.

We went to dinner and a movie on Saturday and it was a good news/bad news kind of night.  The good news is that I had a wonderful time and the Moscow Mule (with fresh ginger, cucumber, and lime)  is my new favorite drink.  The bad news is that Cormac McCarthy’s The Road is not a good date movie and it haunted John all the way home.  If your lady friend suggests seeing it, you should politely suggest a more upbeat alternative.  Perhaps a holiday movie with one of those young people everyone is always talking about or some cute li’l animals?  I lobbied hard to see it (yes, I am a weird girl) and I thought it was a good movie, but yeesh…welcome to Bleaksville.  I can’t wait to read the book!

K, so that’s enough about me and my sickeningly sweet, RomCom of a life.  What else is new?  Well, funny you should ask…I’m getting a new tattoo! I’ve thought about this for a long time now.  I have one tattoo on my arm and I got it when I was 18.  I always wanted to get more (or get the old one removed), but I held off for some reason.  I think I was hoping I would eventually transition and I didn’t want to have a bunch of gnarly, dude tattoos all over the place.  I think I’m ready to continue on with the ambitions of my youth.  I’ll post some art or pictures when I have them, but it’s going to be something about Odin’s two ravens, Huginn and Muninn, but cuter and it’ll be somewhere on my frontspiece…like where the arm meets the chest, one on each side.

I want to have Sandi Calistro do it.  I sent her an embarrassingly-detailed description (they should be about two inches high, not realistic, stylized, but not tribal, mostly black, but with some color, they should each be clutching something like ribbon, but they should both be different, etc. Ugh, even I think I’m bossy.) a few days ago.  Update! I just called her and we made an appointment for a consultation next Tuesday, but her tattoo appointments are booked until like, March.  That  sucks.  I was hoping to get it much sooner than that, but that must mean she’s really good.

Hmm, I thought I had a lot more to wrap up than this.  Oh, my grad school class ended last week.  I never wrote about it again because it was slap-yourself-in-the-face-with-a-shovel boring.  The team project was good (we did a project notebook for a tech startup), but the lectures were not worth the 15 minute walk to campus.  So, I skipped class all the time and turned in a bunch of last-minute genius every week before the start of class.  I got an A but I didn’t collect any amusing class anecdotes.

I’m still not sure what I’m going to do about graduate school.  I took this class for credit as a non-degree graduate student.  It would count toward a major if I could ever decide on one, but I can’t.  I could do a Master’s in Electrical Engineering, Telecommunications Engineering, or get an MBA or Engineering Management degree, but those all sound about as appealing drinking hot wax, over and over again.  Applications for next Spring are due in January, but I don’t feel like finishing one.  Honestly, you guys, the only thing that interests me right now is something in the Arts and there’s a 99% chance of no way my workplace would pay for that.  So, I’m stuck and thinking about what to do/not do next.

Fuck, this is long, sorry.  Re: McSweeney’s, I would love to post all of the hilarious stuff I’m submitting to them, but I should wait until it ever/never gets published.  Oh well, if something gets rejected, I’ll post it here, promise.  Other than all those words about the things, stuff is awesome, I’m très heureux, and loving the Christmas and whatnot.

K, that’s it, for reals…tune in next time for exciting tales of excitement and me not recapping the things I ought to!

Happy holidays!

Mood: Already stressed
Music: Brian Jonestown Massacre-Jennifer

I don’t feel great about reposting some of the emails I receive from potential suitors.  Making fun of people for poor grammar or ignorance is too easy and leaves me feeling hollow and dead inside.  I’d like to think I’m more of a candle-lighter than a darkness-curser.

Then again, every once in a while, I get a special letter from a special fella that is simply too good to pass up.  Like, so good that I feel like I’m doing the Internet a disservice by only sharing it with my closest girlfriend.  We’ve been through a lot, Internets and I don’t want to disserve(?) you.  Maybe I can post this and mock it as a way to educate some of the men folk out there in the dating pool?  Maybe said men folk will read this and really think twice about the sort of nonsense they’re sending us.  I know, I’m not holding my breath either.  Anyway…

Subject:  Please Write

Hi, Anna.

First, let’s cut to the chase regarding the gender thing. I guess I need clarification about that as I’m not sure how to read “pre-op transsexual woman”. What exactly does that mean? Does it mean you were born a female but want to be a male? Where are you now, and where will you be post-op? I will let you know that I am straight but seem to be bi-curious, also. And I’ll admit that I am rather turned on by “chicks with dicks”. So, please enlighten me. I’ll also say that I seem to be one of those really “hard to match” people. My work involves making maps or just geo-data. Could you also explain the “Hell” part of your username? You sure sound interesting and I like your pics, too. 🙂

Mr. So, So Wrong

To the commentary bullets!

•  First, let’s cut to the chase… Wow, spooky.  How did he know that the exact kind of man I’m into is a chase-cutting, man-of-action, kind of man?  It’s like he’s living inside my mind.

•  …regarding the gender thing. I’m thinking the phrase, “if you have to ask…” applies here.  Whatever.  Maybe I could be more clear, but I think most people understand what I’m about.

•  I’m not sure how to read “pre-op transsexual woman”. Hmm, an excellent point.  This site may answer some of your questions.

•  Could you also explain the “Hell” part of your username? LOL, genius…I wish I’d written that.  Well, if you insist…  You see, I use Anna Hell as my nom de guerre because I’m a crazed, devil girl who worships the dark lord of the infinite abyss and leaves a trail of broken hearts and disemboweled lovers in her wake.  Also, I suck men’s souls out through their penis.  Just kidding, it’s an old family name…from Finland or whatever.

•  I am straight but seem to be bi-curious…I am rather turned on by “chicks with dicks”.  Awww,  it’s my first “chicks with dicks” email!  And, I think you can go ahead and just say you’re bi-curious…bisexual even.  That’s kind of like saying, “I think I might be interested in learning about indecision.”

•  I seem to be one of those really “hard to match” people. Get out of town!  Really?  I, for one, cannot believe he’s “hard to match.”  It makes no sense that a silver-penned wordsmith who makes “maps or just geo-data” is still single.  Curse you, o cruel world, why dost thou let yon earthbound angel suffer in solitude?

•  You sure sound interesting and I like your pics, too. 🙂 Oh, so you like my “pictures” and you think I’m “interesting”, hunh?  Well, screw…crap, I can’t think of anything snarky to say.  I like smiley-face emoticons and that’s actually a nice sentence and representative of “things I like to hear.”  Next time, just build your letter on that and drop the insulting, awkward, over-sharing.

Class dismissed.

Mood: feh
Music: Joanna Newsom-Cassiopeia

I’m having a hard time finding the motivation to start my homework.  Maybe a little light blogging will point me in the right direction?

So, one of the reasons I like this new dating site is because they have all of these personality tests and compatibility questionnaires.  The site uses your answers to assign a compatibility score (prolly like eharmony and such) that other members can see.  I like that I can weed out people that are opposed to gay marriage or hate animals…it’s easier than doing it in person.  I also like taking some of the personality tests on the site.  I hate it when other people just post results to their “What Kind of Corn Are You?” quiz (corn salsa), but I’m going to be a quiz-result-posting jerk just this one time…hopefully you won’t think less of me.

I’m posting these today for a couple of reasons.  First, these actually do say something about me (or the person I think I am).  More importantly though, I’m amazed that I’m so easily pegged.  I’ve always fancied myself an exotic, mysterious enigma of a girl and these damn Internet tests seem to see right through me.  And that is…vexing.

LOL, this song just came on…

brains for dinner
brains for lunch
brains for breakfast
brains for brunch
brains at every single meal,
why can’t we have some guts?

Anyway, vexed.  Am I so transparent?  Were my years spent in study of the dramatic and psychological arts for nothing?  Time will tell, I suppose.  Until then, I offer you the following, cheap insight…

The Dating Persona Test:

The Wild Rose

The Wild Rose-Random Brutal Love Dreamer (RBLD)

Colorful, but unpicked. You are The Wild Rose. Prone to bouts of cynicism, sarcasm, and thorns, you excite a certain kind of man. Hoping to gather you up, he flirts and winks and asks you out, ultimately professing his love. Then you make him bleed. Why? Because you’re the rare, independent, self-sufficient kind of woman who does want love, but not from a weakling.

You don’t seem to take yourself too seriously, and that’s refreshing. You aren’t uptight; you don’t over-plan. Romance-wise, sex isn’t a top priority—a true relationship would be preferable. For your age, you haven’t had a lot of bonafide love experience, though, and this kind of gets to core of the issue. You’re very selective.

The problem is them, not you, right? You have lofty standards that few measure up to. You’re out there all right, but not to be picked up by just anyone.

Yeesh, that’s scarily accurate.  Here are some more test/result combinations!

The Politics Test: Democrat (socially and fiscally liberal)

The What Kind of Girl are You Test: The Liberal Beauty (Sarandon-esque…aww, thanks)

The Which Lolcat Are You Test: Longcat (This is relevant to my interests)

The What is your REAL age Test: You are 39 years old!!  (What the fucking fuck?)

The What type of MAN turns you on Test: Mysterious boy (these are getting dumb)

The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test: 4- the Individualist (surprise!)

What Kind of Feminist Are You Test: Social Concerns Feminist (finally, the truth can be told)

The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test: Modern, Cool Nerd (you got that right, Internet)

And that’s it!  I promise I’ll prolly never do this again.

an introduction

Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.


All content on Blog, Sweet Blog is copyrighted by me, Anna Hell. Unless otherwise noted, all photos, words, and content on this site are mine, created by me, and should not be used without my permission (or at least attributed and linked back). I try to embed links or quote original source material if I use another person's work.

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November 2021