Blog, Sweet Blog

Posts Tagged ‘Lambchop

Mood: Rock*A*Teens-What Took You So Long
Music: East River Pipe-So Much Hate

I’m having one of those Friday nights. Oh, who am I kidding? This is my stock Friday night. Leave work late, eat dinner, do nothing, try not to think about it too much, then call it a night until electrolysis tomorrow. And I hate it. The house is too quiet, my thoughts are too loud, and I keep listening to the same four songs.

What Took You So Long by Rock*A*Teens

So Much Hate by East River Pipe

You’re a Bigger Jerk Than Me by The Karl Hendricks Rock Band

Up With People (live) by Lambchop

No, they’re not happy songs, but they’re not depressing either…more somber and introspective…like me, tonight.  So, is there any problem Up With People can’t solve?  Is there a whiskey-soaked, 2 AM insight that that song can’t provide, every time?  I don’t believe there is.  Every time that song comes on, it’s a light breeze on a summer’s nap, slow motion Roman candles, that second drink, and floating on your back in the lake after a sauna, staring at the stars.   Up With People will bail you out of jail, any time, no questions asked.

You’re going to have to excuse this next part.  I’m not feeling that great.

So, people are bullshit.  If you’re able to glean one lesson from what I write, let it be this:  you’re going to die someday and you will die alone.  You can arrange a lifetime’s worth of friends and family around your soon-to-be-lifeless corpse, but nothing can change the fact that you’re going to take those last few steps alone.  So, you might as well make a peace with solitude.  I have.  I don’t like it but I don’t have any other choice right now.  I’m letters away from an unhinged, nightmare epic of self-pity and recrimination, so let’s just say that I feel like I’ve been trying to truly connect with people and, so far, it doesn’t seem to be working.  I’m still hopeful that it’ll work out and that I’ll find my niche, but what do I do until then?

And that was my Friday.  How was yours?

Mood: Adrift, with a headache
Music: Ulver-Østenfor Sol Og Vestenfor Maane

A couple of nights ago, I had a little bit too much to drink and decided to listen to some music before bed.  While staring at the ceiling in the darkness of my bedroom, I listened to “Spook” and “Fourth of July” by Galaxie 500, then “Up With People” by Lambchop.  Sometime around the middle of Sonic Youth’s “Trilogy”, I figured it out…

everything…

…all of it.

Tears streamed down the sides of my face and my head swelled with a warming Insight.  Again, I had pulled aside the bloody veil of this world and gazed at the wonder and mystery that waits at the terminal.  I finally understood God’s plan for this world, my place and role and meaning, the exact method for connecting my mind and heart to everyone, everywhere via words and sounds and thoughts and pictures.  I uncovered the secrets for unimaginable wealth, perfect cupcakes forever, and thicker, fuller hair.  Then “New Mind” by Swans played and and I was standing on a rocky cliff jutting out over the gaping maw of  The Abyss.  I wept with fear and despair as I was pulled over the edge to my inescapable doom.   Falling, falling towards the horizon of my body’s annihilation, I saw a fine, silver line stretching from the moment of my death back to the time of my birth and the fear passed from me.

I fell asleep at some point and awoke to the sound of a workday morning’s alarm.  I struggled to remember the answers, but the night had left only shadows and suggestions.  Someday, somehow, I know I will remember.


an introduction





Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really me...it's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.

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All content on Blog, Sweet Blog is copyrighted by me, Anna Hell. Unless otherwise noted, all photos, words, and content on this site are mine, created by me, and should not be used without my permission (or at least attributed and linked back). I try to embed links or quote original source material if I use another person's work.

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