Blog, Sweet Blog

my feelings, let me show you them

So…not in a great mood on this, our most made-up of holidays.  I broke up with John for reals last Monday.  I know, shocking, right?  How could such a precarious, ill-fated pairing not last forever?

We were only months into our relationship and we were still some time away from reaching any of the big relationship milestones (exchanging i love you‘s, meeting family members, etc.), but it’s still hard.  I think we always look into the mirror of intro-retrospection after a breakup.  Was it my fault?  What did I do wrong?  Am I unlovable?  In my heart, did I know this is where we’d end? For the record, the answers are: not really, dunno, no, and yes.  I also thought about my previous ex and filtered the horrendous, wrenching end of that relationship through the end of this one…which is soooo fun.

I’m not going to go into the sordid details of the breakup.  I don’t hate John and I’m not about to cast aspersions and sling the mud.  I think our end had more to do with us being at different places in our emotional lives than anything else.  He’s recovering from a five year old divorce and I’m still really new to all of this.

The actual end came shortly after our first serious fight.  It was about something silly and random but that trivial thing was the perfect illustration of everything that was wrong with us.  It all just fell apart from there.  I think it was a good place to part ways, but those almost accidental endings seem so jarring.

Despite what my embroidery says, I’m not all bitter and angry.  I’m lucky to have the love of my family and friends and I very much value their presence in my life.  Then again, things are pretty awful right now, so I feel like engaging in a little bitter, dark, vulgar embroidery is totally justified…at least for one day.  I’ll do something cuter tomorrow, promise 🙂

I just found this excellent reminder to help us keep it all in perspective…

All the heart-shaped boxes of chocolate goodness will be half off tomorrow. Treat yourself.

LOL, good one, Dottie.