Blog, Sweet Blog

Posts Tagged ‘sad

Mood: Cagey
Music: Camera Obscura-I Need All the Friends I Can Get



I sure wish my job was Internetting, because I’d be sooooo productive, all the time.  I should be cleaning (or otherwise getting ready for my sis to come over) right now, but I thought I’d share some of my recent Goodwill finds instead.

I went there in search of a flower vase or two, some picture frames, and scrap fabric for embroidering.  I ended up with that and a little bit more and spent like $50!  Et voila!

all the granny's in the house say yay-yeah!



Ok, so when exactly do you start turning into your mother/grandmother?  If I’m remembering my childhood correctly, my maternal grandmother had loads of these Hummel pictures around her house.  I liked them when I was little because they were kind of cute and, hey, if my grandmother liked them, they had to be awesome, right?  I grew up and left these in childhood because they were a bit too cutesy.   They had like five of these in the store that day.  Most of them were the ultra cute, Precious Moments-style drawings.  These two little darlings caught my eye because they’re so bleak and raw, like they were drawn sometime between the Great Depression and the rise of Nazi Germany.

found landscape art



This one caught my eye because it’s faded and a little sad, like somebody loved it in the early 70’s then gave up on it.  I have no idea where it’s from, but it could be Colorado somewhere.  I was talking to a friend of mine about this picture and I mentioned how I liked it because it seemed sad.  I realized I say that a lot about the art I like. You don’t have to have a D. Psy. to figure that one out, but I’m often drawn to the wistful and gloomy.  I realize that not a lot of other people are and I feel kind of weird citing that as a reason to like anything.

so many frames, just waiting to be filled



Did somebody mention frames?  I mainly bought these to fill with embroidery pieces that I have yet to finish, but I might also use them for general decorating.  The next piece I’m going to do (an embroidery of this) will be bigger than these, maybe 11″x14″, but these will be nice for a low commitment piece when I get tired of working on the big stuff.  Maybe this will finally find a home?

I did manage to find some fabric for embroidering and two vases, but they’re not really worth a picture.  Do you like thrift stores?  What do you like to shop for when you’re in one?

id somebody mention frames
Advertisements
Mood: 100% ugh
Music: Red Lorry Yellow Lorry-Hollow Eyes



So, it seems like everything in my life these days is turning into a big pile of stinky brown doody.  I feel like I’m just watching myself barely make it through each day and I’m not sure what to do about it all.  To make matters worse, I also don’t feel like blogging about it and that usually helps.

As compromise, let’s talk about my new camera.  As I said, I hadn’t taken many pictures since losing my camera in Washington D.C. (along with an entire, striking National Mall at Night photo set), and I wanted to replace it.  I ended up buying one of these

Canon PowerShot S90


It was pretty expensive for a compact, point and shoot, and I could have bought a nice, entry-level DLSR body for a few dollars more.  I chose my little camera for, what I think are, good reasons which I’ll discuss after the period and spaces.

First, there are the issues of cost and portability.  I think I’ve gotten a lot of good pictures from my pocket cameras and I’m loathe to lug around an expensive, high-maintenance image maker.

I also have a low opinion of photography as an art form.  Sorry.  I like taking pictures and I even try to make a lot of “arty” photos, but it’s easy for me and I feel like there’s very little skill involved.  Drawing is hard.  Painting takes years to master.  Sculpture, fiber arts, dance, and music composition are all very challenging and each involves some practiced technique.  For the most part, I feel like photography is just a way of curating life.  I also like to carry a camera around with me whenever I can and taking photos all the time makes the act of photography seem less special; more common, like a sketch.

There are exceptional photographic artists, of course, but I don’t regret not buying a DSLR.

It’s a nice little camera.  I can set the aperture, shutter speed, it has a lot of ISO settings, a video mode, it can shoot in RAW format, it has manual focus, it fits in the little pocket in my purse or bus bag, and it has a decent wide-angle lens.   So, win win, win, win, win, win, win, win, win!

I got it on Wednesday and have been busy catching up on taking horrible photos of Miss Kitty, to wit…


the gruffalumox



…and…

relaxed cat is relaxing


And let’s not forget the arty photos in which I offer a glimpse of my naked sorrow, dread, and misery cloaked within the guise of the abstract and mundane…




Mood: Kinda sad
Music: Made in Spain


My ex and I were still a couple and on vacation.  This time we were in Magic China in a guest house with a natural hot springs pool filled with three-foot-long Koi.  She was on the couch watching Magic Chinese television…gymnastics, I think.  I was in the pool trying to figure out how the fish could survive in such hot, briny water.  Then, I was sitting next to her on the couch.

“Are you going to be ok with this?”

She turned toward me and and blinked heavy tears from her amazing, blue eyes.

“If this is what you really want…”

And then I woke up.

I’ve had variations of this dream since we broke up last May.  And let’s be honest, by “broke up” I mean she moved out after months and months of my being intolerable and pushing her away.  It’s been well over a year and I still don’t feel any different about her.  Intellectually, post-transition, I know we’re wrong for each other.  And, I don’t think I would ever have another relationship with a woman again…but still. Most of the time I regret how things turned out and how I behaved and how I treated her and how she’s utterly absent from my life now.  I think about all of that and I wonder when I’ll stop feeling this way.

Are you getting old when your regrets and mistakes start winning?

In other news, congratulations Charles and Oyuna! I’m so happy for you two, again 🙂  Yes, I know that seemed like a psychotic segue, but my life isn’t all misery and regret.

Mood: Rock*A*Teens-What Took You So Long
Music: East River Pipe-So Much Hate

I’m having one of those Friday nights. Oh, who am I kidding? This is my stock Friday night. Leave work late, eat dinner, do nothing, try not to think about it too much, then call it a night until electrolysis tomorrow. And I hate it. The house is too quiet, my thoughts are too loud, and I keep listening to the same four songs.

What Took You So Long by Rock*A*Teens

So Much Hate by East River Pipe

You’re a Bigger Jerk Than Me by The Karl Hendricks Rock Band

Up With People (live) by Lambchop

No, they’re not happy songs, but they’re not depressing either…more somber and introspective…like me, tonight.  So, is there any problem Up With People can’t solve?  Is there a whiskey-soaked, 2 AM insight that that song can’t provide, every time?  I don’t believe there is.  Every time that song comes on, it’s a light breeze on a summer’s nap, slow motion Roman candles, that second drink, and floating on your back in the lake after a sauna, staring at the stars.   Up With People will bail you out of jail, any time, no questions asked.

You’re going to have to excuse this next part.  I’m not feeling that great.

So, people are bullshit.  If you’re able to glean one lesson from what I write, let it be this:  you’re going to die someday and you will die alone.  You can arrange a lifetime’s worth of friends and family around your soon-to-be-lifeless corpse, but nothing can change the fact that you’re going to take those last few steps alone.  So, you might as well make a peace with solitude.  I have.  I don’t like it but I don’t have any other choice right now.  I’m letters away from an unhinged, nightmare epic of self-pity and recrimination, so let’s just say that I feel like I’ve been trying to truly connect with people and, so far, it doesn’t seem to be working.  I’m still hopeful that it’ll work out and that I’ll find my niche, but what do I do until then?

And that was my Friday.  How was yours?


an introduction





Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really me...it's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.

copyright

All content on Blog, Sweet Blog is copyrighted by me, Anna Hell. Unless otherwise noted, all photos, words, and content on this site are mine, created by me, and should not be used without my permission (or at least attributed and linked back). I try to embed links or quote original source material if I use another person's work.

Click the button thing below to have a delicious li'l slice o' Anna cake* delivered to your emails inbox whenever I write something new!

*N.B. Anna cake contains neither Anna nor cake.

Join 3 other followers

sorted into tiny boxes

archives

i’ve been listening to…

favorite artists this week

flickr photos

mah numbas

  • 44,314 hits
December 2017
M T W T F S S
« Jul    
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031