Blog, Sweet Blog

Posts Tagged ‘support groups

Mood: Better
Music: Kraftwerk-Tans Europe Express

Wowser, that was a long post (and this isn’t much better).  I am very familiar with how brevity is the soul of wit and all, thanks Shakespeare.  But, apparently, I’m more of a “long form”-er.  Sorry.  I’ll try to edit some stories for length, but honestly, it’s not a priority.  If you don’t like it, don’t read my blog (please read my blog).  But if you ask me, you’re totally getting your money’s worth.

So, I know I came off like a major, judgmental bitch when I was talking about the meeting.  Sorry.  Let me explain.  Honestly, I was trying to recount how that meeting confirmed my expectations and use that as an illustration of things I don’t like about some people in the trans community.  Let me just say that I understand how we are all walking our own path and that there is no one right way to go through this experience.  Also, everyone has had a different experience than me.  Some trans people have survived incredible abuse and harassment and suffered unbelievable loss and daily humiliation.  All of these incredibly negative experiences can damage a person to the point of committing suicide or profoundly affect how they relate to others.   It may not seem like it, but I greatly appreciate that these meetings even exist and I think they can be tremendous resource for some people.  These women volunteered their time to help others in need and that is commendable.  Having said that…

In my mind, this meeting reinforced the stereotype that we’re all crazy and poorly socialized.  I hate to say it, but it seems like it’s true.  First of all, I hate this assumed intimacy that we’re supposed to have.  Unless, we’re pretty good friends, I don’t want to hear about your horrible surgery complications and I don’t want to tell you about mine.  Other people don’t do that.  I never hear about anything health-related when I go to professional engineering society meetings and it rarely comes up with my coworkers.  Speaking of, other than what I’ve already posted, I’m not going to share anything about being transsexual with my coworkers unless they ask.  Maybe I’m weird though.  So yeah, I understand that swapping medical information has more value among trans people, but let’s hold off a little bit.

Also, sharing so much of your personal story kind of stinks of crazy.  Let’s look at the model of the coworker again.  There are people I like at work and we have shared some personal details, but it is a very slow process.  We didn’t start with the heavy stuff but built up to it after some trust had been established.  With regard to the meeting, I’m not writing your biography so I don’t need to know that you’ve been in therapy since 11.  Instead of sharing so many personal details, maybe you could tell me what you like about therapy or, in general, how you think it has helped.  You know, share something that might benefit the rest of the group.

Regarding socialization…I’m certainly not an expert, but I don’t think it I’m out of line in saying that men and women behave differently.  If you’ll permit the sweeping generalization, I think men use their interactions to “measure” or compete with each other.  It seems to happen a lot.  Men brag about their sexual prowess, knowledge of fine wine, sports trivia, or whatever as a way to compete with and compare themselves to other men.  Also, it seems like men love to tell you what you should be doing and how you should be doing it.  Ok, I love good advice as much as the next person, but I’m not always in the mood.  So, if If you spend a lot of time telling me how you’re involved in soooo many organizations (more than is humanly possible) or what kind of makeup I should buy, then it kind of seems like you’re showing me the size of your penis.  And if you’re a transsexual woman, then that makes you seem poorly socialized.   Like I said, I know it’s not easy to undo years of damage, but try, for me. 🙂

Finally (and I’m almost done), if you work for, find love in, and primarily hang out with the trans community, how well are you doing with your assimilation into society?  How is that Real Life Experience going? The answer is not well.  Like I said, we all walk our own path and have our own ideas about what “woman” or “man” is, but hanging out in the trans or even LG “ghetto” for the rest of your life is a great way to stay marginalized.  To me, being transsexual, or even a transsexual woman, seem more like intermediate steps than an identity or goal…I’d much rather be seen as a woman someday and feel free to hang out with whoever I choose.

Ok, enough of my half-baked opinions!  Does anyone have any comments or questions?  Flaming death threats?

an introduction

Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

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November 2021