Blog, Sweet Blog

Posts Tagged ‘tina fey

Mood: guh
Music: Camera Obscura-Country Mile

let's just pretend this is from a Joke Off segment from SNL's "Weekend Update"

I posted this on mah tumblr last night, but I’m having second thoughts about keeping it there.  I want that page to be different than this one…more visual, darker, dreamier.  I feel like the jokes have found a home here (in a wayward-home-for-lost-ideas sort of way) but words beyond poetry or lyrics seem alien over there.  I’m ok with that.  Maybe I’ll start a Molls-style tumblr at some point, but keeping it special and dark today feels right.  Until I get it figured it out, sorry for the cross posting.

Anyway…  Some of you may recall the recurring joke-off segment from the Tina Fey/Jimmy Fallon-era of Saturday Night Live‘s “Weekend Update.”  The premise was that the two would battle each other for who could tell the most jokes (not the funniest) on a topic in a certain time period.   I’m sure they wrote them ahead of time, but to me, it seemed like what it might be like to watch them pitching in a writer’s meeting.

I would love to make this a regular Blog, Sweet Blog segment, but, as I can’t recall any recurring segments on this blog, we’ll see how that goes.  The idea is that I’ll try to think up around five jokes in a short time (~15 minutes), then post them for your “entertainment.”  Feel free to chime in with your own jokes for this or any other topic.  Ugh, now that I’ve used the world’s longest, most unfunny setup to strangle the life out of this bit…

So, I’m in the middle of cleaning the house and I just got done with the main bathroom. It was so skeevy, it felt like the perfect topic for a joke-off, naturally.

My bathroom was so dirty…

-I seriously considered getting hooked on crystal meth to get the energy to finish cleaning.

-while I was cleaning, the executive producers of Hoarders called to pitch me a new show called Dirty, Dirty Slobs….because they wanted me to host…from my filthy bathroom…because it was so gross.

-the people that live in my head wouldn’t even go in there.

-a xxx fetish website emailed me a job offer. I had to tell them it wasn’t that kind of dirty.

-it made my mother cry.

-just writing this makes me want a to take a Silkwood shower.

Mood: la dee da
Music: Little House on the Prairie-“A Most Precious Gift”

tall, distinguished, famous...not pretty

Dear A

Mood: Happy like clams and Gilmore
Music: Dead Boys-Sonic Reducer

LOL…if you hear me say something funny or familiar, there’s a chance I heard it on the NBC show  30 Rock.  I love that show so much and it’s mostly because I love the show’s creator and star, Tina Fey.  Not love love, but I think she’s awesome and if I had to pick one person to pattern my life after, it would be her.  She’s smart, funny, beautiful, successful, talented, a there anything she can’t do?  Here’s a visual aid…

Adorable right?  Amway, the reason I used a line from 30 Rock as the title of a blog post is that I’m happy and I want to level a funny exclamation at the Intarwebs.  The reason I’m so happy?  Well, I just went and got myself a final decree of name change from the little old county court!!!  So yeah, it’s for real and official and awesome and everything.  The long, terrible nightmare of civil process servitude is over and I won…though, didn’t we all win, really?  I want to start changing everything right now, but I think I’ll wait a little bit.  It would be nice to have my new ID when I have my bank information changed over, but everything else can be changed whenever I feel like it.

Also, in other transition related news…my boss sent me a confirmation from our meeting and asked me to approve the events we had discussed.  So this means that my fist day back to work as Anna will be Wednesday, May 6th, 2009!!!  I will take vacation days on the Monday and Tuesday before then to get the rest of my paperwork changed over.  My boss, our director,  and HR will have an all-hands meeting that Monday to talk about me and let people air any issues that they might have before I come back.  I’ll get a new ID and all of my office stuff changed over during those three days and then that’s it.  Now I get to have my own stupid counter thing that all the web people seem to have.  Here’s mine…

*be sure to check back every day as it changes state from one day to the next!

Picking the counter was kind of difficult because a lot of them are just goofy.  For instance, this one is for, “Days until I trip out on mushrooms again”…

I call this one, “Days until I start therapy for my crippling addiction to gambling”…

Finally, this one is called, “Days until the gingerbread men kill me.”

So yeah, other than what I wrote for the caption, I think my counter is saying, “I like cats…a lot. But I think they’re lazy so I want to shoot lightning bolts at them so they’ll, you know, pick it up a little bit and stop sleeping so much.”   Obviously.

an introduction

Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.


All content on Blog, Sweet Blog is copyrighted by me, Anna Hell. Unless otherwise noted, all photos, words, and content on this site are mine, created by me, and should not be used without my permission (or at least attributed and linked back). I try to embed links or quote original source material if I use another person's work.

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January 2022