Blog, Sweet Blog

Posts Tagged ‘tired

Mood: Sickly and anxious
Music: The American Analog Set-Punk As Fuck

I have the under-the-weathers today, so I’m at home…hating it.  I’ll prolly be fine for tomorrow, but I think my rock and roll lifestyle is finally starting to catch up with me.  I’m still tired a lot and I still haven’t figured out how to balance taking care of myself with getting things done.  Right now, getting things done is winning by the slimmest of margins.

Oh sure, I could try the old, get plenty of sleep, eat right, and exercise routine, but come on people.  This is the year 2008 or something and I live in the United States of the Awesomericas!  Isn’t it high time we harnessed the power of pharmaceuticals or microchip technology or swine flu to maximize our personal productivity power…processes?!  Sorry, that was the fever talking.  I’m going to get more sleep and exercise, promise.

Here’s the fastest music lesson ever…The Spinanes, seriously…do it!

So yeah, I’m kind of ground-down and stretched to my breaking point, so I thought, “why not try Internet dating?”  I know, I’m as excited a you are.  Here is one of the brilliant ads I unleashed upon the world yesterday…

So, I have a problem.  I’m a pre-op, transsexual woman who would like to meet a nice, funny, intelligent, somewhat attractive, geek/punk/hipster/art-fag/nrrd, sane, employed guy who’s taller than me, around my age (+/- 10 years), not a cannibal or zombie, and who isn’t afraid to date a girl like me and this is the best idea I could come up with.  I know, right?  So doomed.

Still though, I’m an insufferable optimist (and stranger things have happened) so I’ve got to give this a try.  The website told me I had to tell you about myself (and used red letters, so it’s like, important), so…

1. The Hobbies – I like to do lots of things, but I’d be hard-pressed to call any of them “hobbies.”  I like to cook, hike, camp, make pretty pictures, bake, try making music, blog, ride my bike, take pictures, make movies, try new foods, go to shows, go to museums, shop for records (and shoes and clothes), and I think you get the point.  I don’t play Dungeons and Dragons, participate in Civil War reenactments, or ballroom dance with my cat…not that there’s anything wrong with that.

2. Goals! – These are all going to sound boring, but whatevs.  I plan to go back to school in the next year or so to finish my MSEE.  I’d like to do a lot more traveling everywhere, all the time.  I want to be better at my job and make lots more money.  I want to meet someone, settle down, and create a family with them, eventually. I want to have a fun summer, participate more in the arts community, keep losing weight, try some new restaurants, have sex reassignment surgery, learn how to silkscreen, ride down to that farmer’s market next Saturday, go camping and hiking a lot more, and etc.

3. Why I’m Awesome and Like a Snowflake –  You should have figured it out by now, but I have a lot in common with other people that are awesome 🙂  I’m intelligent and have a good sense of humor.  I’m mostly nice, employed, warm, modest (lol), somewhat attractive, a geeky riot grrl, an excellent cook, and not a zombie or cannibal…not that there’s anything wrong with that…oops, sorry, those are horrible.  I live and work full-time as a woman (and am fully accepted as one) and have for some time.  I’m not embarrassed of who I am, but I don’t feel like I need to share everything with the entire world.  I like going out to bars, clubs, shows, and galleries, but staying in to “watch movies” by “Jean Luc Goddard” is also nice.  And I’m fun.

4. Ah! Melody –  I should just send you the link to my last.fm page, but I don’t even know you yet.  Let’s just say I like “different” music and that I’m a music snob.  Meaning, we can’t be together if you have poor taste in music, sorry.  Some of my favorite bands are Sleater-Kinney, Cocteau Twins, Current 93, Motorhead, Pavement, Stereolab, and The Fall.

If you’re kind of like the guy I described and are interested in taking me out on an amazing date, you should send me an email and tell me all about yourself (or point me to your profile somewheres).  If I agree, we’ll email a couple of more times then talk on the phone and meet at some non-sketchy, public place.  Move it along if you want to swap hundreds of emails, can’t spell, won’t talk on the phone, or have no idea what “sketchy” means…and good luck!

Subtle, right?  I don’t see how it can fail or end up in a drunken potluck cry party knife fight quilting bee over international waters.

After putting up the ad, I had a look at the kind of work my future husbands were putting up.  Would it surprise you to learn that the average guy’s ad is not as wordy?  Well, it surprised me to pieces.   In fact, it seems like the average guy’s ad is about four lines long and usually references sports in some way.  I asked Kaylee if I’d gone too far with my ad and she reminded me that they’re guys and that’s how they roll.  I keep forgetting that guys are not at all like me, so thanks Kaylee.  Of course, I’ll be posting all of the excruciating details of my dating failures for your reading pleasure.

In other news, my coolest stepsister Heidi called me out of the blue to talk about Jesus and baby squirrels (see, it runs in the family) and it made me the happy.  Heidi and I were born on the same day, in the same year, in different towns and half of our parents are married to each other.  So it’s got to be some kind of crime if we’re not friends from now on.

Mood: Like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays
Music: Misfits-Night of the Living Dead

I figured it’s been long enough since you read about my feelings, so a little recap is in order.  The short version (but we all know you come here for the long stuff) is that everything is still going well.  I had some first day jitters again on Monday, but the rest of the week was much better.

Wednesday, I had two meetings, which was a first since I’ve been back.  The first meeting was for an awards committee I volunteered for.  The committee was made up of people from outside my division.  Three of them were from other divisions and the last was from one of the other organizations here on campus.  So, the people from the other divisions had presumably been to the meeting and heard all about me.  The guy from the other organization had no idea, so it was an interesting experience.  And there were only five of us, so I had to like, speak up and offer my opinions about who I thought should get this award. Later that day, I had my semi-weekly editorial review board meeting.  And that went well too.  On Friday, my boss came up to my office to check in on me and make awkward small talk.  He’s funny.  He always shuts the door so as to maximize privacy, but our walls are so thin, my neighbor can actually hear my hair growing.  So he’s not turning my office into a cone of silence, but I appreciate his discretion.

Outside of work…I still feel uncomfortable a lot of the time.  It’s like I need to try harder because I don’t know the outside people.  I still get out and run errands, but it’s nowhere near as easy as it was, say two years ago.  That’s getting better too, but I’d like to move on already.

I was still really tired during the day for most of the week.  I’m still thinking this is due to the stress of always being “on” and the low-level worry that goes with it.  My sister made a good point the other day when she said that the exhaustion could be a way for my body to reset itself from months of soul-crushing stress and worry.  I was able to get through Friday without violently falling asleep at my desk, but it was hard to stay up much later than The McLaughlin Group (omg I love that show).  So, I’m going to try and listen to what my body is yelling at me and take it easy for the next n days.

So far I’ve managed to get to work (but not on time), feed myself, and run a very few errands whilst looking presentable, but that’s it.  The house was a total sty by the end of the week, I still have about 132 more errands to run, and I couldn’t figure out a way or find the energy to exercise at all.  I’m still driving to work as getting it together enough to take the bus still seems, mathematically speaking, like a nontrivial problem.  So that’s the goal for the weeks to come…try to figure out how to manage the rest of my life without having to dump everything on Saturday.  My electrologist suggested that I should try to do one small thing (like vacuum) per night during the week after work.  I’m going to try doing that.  It actually upsets me when I let the house go and it usually means something is broken in my life.

So yeah, no more dumping on Saturdays.  I have electrolysis most every Saturday morning and, up until now, I had been playing Miss Mopeypantsfeelsorryforherselfallday, because, you know electrolysis is awful.  But that has kind of lost its luster of late.  The weather is getting to be the awesome and I’m looking less and less like a hamburger-faced freak afterwards, so maybe I should just buy myself an apology doughnut on Saturdays and get on with the rest of my life.  I have a four day weekend (neener, neener) this week and I’m going to try and have a good time with it.

In other news,

Is your cat plotting to kill you?


an introduction





Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really me...it's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.

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All content on Blog, Sweet Blog is copyrighted by me, Anna Hell. Unless otherwise noted, all photos, words, and content on this site are mine, created by me, and should not be used without my permission (or at least attributed and linked back). I try to embed links or quote original source material if I use another person's work.

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