Blog, Sweet Blog

Posts Tagged ‘transsexual

Mood: Wubba wubba wubba
Music: Carpenters-Superstar!


http://www.phys.ufl.edu/~klauder/images/chalkboard.jpg

Therefore, the problem of where I left my sandwich this morning has no solution within the set of complex polynomials and thus, cannot be solved. QED, y'all.



I think I’ve mentioned before how hard it is for us lovely trans-peeps to find El RomanceThe last post and adorable Jamie’s subsequent comment set me to pondering on how truly lucky I am.  It’s easy to forget your good fortune in the grind of life  and I was glad to have the chance to reflect on my happy state of affairs.

After a lot of  fond remembrance and some purring noises, the engineer that lives in my head started asking a bunch of annoying, engineer-y type questions.  How hard was it for me to meet someone, really?  Was it much harder than it is for other, cis-gendered women?  How much harder?  Is there a way to accurately quantify this experience in a rigorous, peer-reviewable fashion?  Have you ever noticed how I start a lot of my blogs with a lot of questions?  What’s up with that?  Is that a persistent trend or just something I’ll tire of in a few months?

Anyway, I’m sure this has been done somewhere else and with more skill and precision, but whatever.  This is my town and I’m just giving the people what they want…numbers and “science”! So, for what it’s worth, I offer you the following analysis and comparison of single Denver trans-girl dating in late 2009.

Approximate US population…308,000,000

If 50% are men…154,000,000

Approximate number of US men aged 25-44 (my dating range)…42,000,000

If 90% of them are straight or bisexual (using the “10% rule”¹)…37,800,000

How many of them live in Colorado (we’re about 7.7% of the US population)?…2,910,600

How many live in the Metro Denver area (about half)?…1,455,300

How many of those guys are “desirable”, e.g. not felons, not sex offenders, not homeless, not certifiably nuts, etc. (assuming 10% “undesirable”¹) ?…1,440,747

How many of those guys would date a transsexual (I have no idea, maybe 1 in 50¹)?…28,815

How many of those guys are the kind of guy who reads books, listens to good music, likes Art, is employed, doesn’t live at home, tolerates cats, isn’t a Republican, makes me laugh, is intelligent, isn’t into domestic violence, knows something about politics and current events, isn’t addicted to sports or Internet porn, isn’t already married/in a relationship/polyamorous, isn’t an alcoholic or drug addict, doesn’t drive a Hummer or monster truck, doesn’t like NASCAR, doesn’t care if I have tattoos, thinks I’m cute, and can take me out and buy me dinner every once in a while (ummm, 1 in 50 maybe¹)?…576

Chance I’ll meet one of these perfect guys on the streets of Denver? about 1 in 2500

Chance a cis-gendered woman with low standards will meet a guy on the streets of Denver? about 1 in 1

Chance a choosy, cis-gendered woman will meet a guy on the streets of Denver? 1 in 50

¹The data provided in these instances is a best-guess estimate, has not been verified, and should not be used as a basis for further academic research.  However, the author encourages ongoing, detailed collection of demographic data in the hopes that such data may one day support the suppositions contained herein.

To put it another way, it’s roughly two orders of magnitude or 50 times more difficult for me to find a suitable suitor compared to a straight, non-transsexual woman of Denver.  Yeesh, when you think about the odds, it almost seems like it’s not worth the bother.  Just kidding!  It’s all totally worth it and I highly recommend it.

So yeah, I’m lucky and I know it, clap your hands.  If you’re with someone, you should clap your hands as well.  If you’re not with someone and you want to be, go out there and find them!  The numbers say it’s far from impossible and not even as remote as winning the lottery or dying in a plane crash.  Chances are, you’re amazing and deserving of love and happiness, so go out there and get it!

Happa-happy Holidays!

p.s. For the record, I don’t believe that luck is a real thing.  However, I do believe that people can put themselves into a positive frame of mind where “lucky” things seem to happen…which is even better.

Mood: All stuffed up with nowhere to go
Music: Hüsker Dü-Standing in the Rain


Goddamn you, weird, Internet formatting! Ugh, I am positively plagued by strange formatting issues when I try to post things on the Internet and I am sick of it.  Like, if you read my posts with a reader or on Facebook, I’m sure the last post looked like an experiment in unreadable text art.  I tried to make it look like an actual script (they have very specific formatting guidelines, you know) but it came out looking like mental illness.  I’m sorry if it looks wonky, but I don’t feel like spending hours trying to fix it…or trying to do it right the first time.

If you’ll permit me a quick, manifesto-y aside…I also realize that I’m not doing myself any favors in the “building a brand” department.  Look, I know I’m chasing readers away with a pitchfork every time I put up some weird mix of music or comedy or diary posts.  It would be nice if I had an audience that followed my blog and paid me oodles of compliments and dollars (American), but I’ve never been one for wedging myself into some niche…I’m too big, uppity.

Then again, maybe I should, once and for all, devote myself to a single topic, like…

-what it’s like to be transsexual in the big, bad world, or

-my personal quest to transform simple words into comedy magic, or

-sharing my moment to moment feelings and inner monologue (lol, dialogue’s more like it).

I’ve actually given all of this quite a bit of thought.  Should I narrow my scope, give up, and try to build a long-tail audience?

No, I don’t think so.

I love accolades and money as much as the next, greedy, attention-starved girl, but I think I’m going to keep doing it like this for now.  I’ve never written for you (the collective you, you’re great) and I don’t intend to start.  I write for myself and the people I love.  Hopefully, one day, the rest of the world will figure out how awesome and interesting I am.  But, if they never do and you’re still reading, then it’s worth it.

So anyway, I was looking for how to format scripts this morning and I ran across this little nugget.  Like the rest of the Internet, I’m a tortured, wannabe artist/critic.  I even tried writing a screenplay once.  I got through the first scene and then quit, as you do.  I’d still kind of like to write a screenplay, or, you know, finish something, anything, but I doubt I’d finish this one.  Somehow, a story about two friends working their way through college as armed, downtown bus station security guards doesn’t seem as relevant to me now as it once did.  For what it’s worth…


My Never-To-Be-Finished, Untitled Movie

INT. DOWNTOWN DENVER BUS STATION SECURITY CHECKPOINT, 2 AM.

Doug and Charles are checking bags.


CHARLES

Next!

MEXICAN MAN shuffles forward.


CHARLES

Good morning, sir and welcome to Denver.  Do you have any knives, handguns, explosives, syringes, scissors,  bazookas, or live animals?


MEXICAN MAN

Que?


DOUG

Uh, I don’t think he speaks English.  Have fun.


CHARLES

No hable Ingles?

(MEXICAN MAN stares at him blankly)

Tiene usted alguna cuchillos, armas de fuego, explosivos, jeringas, tijeras, bazucas, ni con animales vivos?


MEXICAN MAN

Nope, just this bag of beef jerky.


CHARLES

Gracias Senòr, please move along.  Next in line please.


NERVOUS MAN

(Clutching a worn, dirty paper bag, stuttering)

E-evening, Officer


CHARLES

Good morning, sir.  Do you have any knives, handguns, explosives, syringes, scissors, bazookas, or live animals?


NERVOUS MAN

Ha!  Live animals…that’s funny.  Nope, no live animals.


CHARLES

I’m glad you enjoyed it, sir.  Would you happen to be carrying any of the other items I just mentioned?


NERVOUS MAN

Wha-what do you mean?


CHARLES

I mean, do you have anything on your person or in your bag that might be considered dangerous or illegal?


NERVOUS MAN

Dangerous or illegal?  Ummm…no.

(nervously looks around)

No?

(a little too loud)

No!  I don’t.


CHARLES

Would you mind opening your bag, sir?


NERVOUS MAN

You want to look in my bag?  This bag?


CHARLES

Yes sir, (under his breath) very badly.


NERVOUS MAN

Al…al…ok

(NERVOUS MAN sets the bag down and pushes it towards CHARLES)


CHARLES

(Charles opens the paper bag and pulls out a large black dildo and furry, pink handcuffs.  He holds them out so everyone in line can see them)

Do these belong to you sir?


NERVOUS MAN

(Sheepishly)

Those are…wow…um…


CHARLES

Sir?


NERVOUS MAN

Alright, fine!

(muttering)

Yes, of course they’re mine!

(turns to the group)

That’s right, everyone, you got me!  I’m the one.  I’m the big, freaky, weirdo with the big, black dildo and the furry, pink handcuffs and the value sized jar of industrial lube and the handmade photo retrospective of Jennifer Love Hewitt.   Lock up your children!

(An older woman is seen tightly embracing her granddaughter and shielding her eyes)

(turns back to CHARLES)

What?  Are these against the law now too…Mr. Thought Police?


CHARLES

Depends.  Where ya headed?


NERVOUS MAN

Uh…Los Angeles…it’s in California.


CHARLES

LA, hunh?

(Charles hesitates to build NERVOUS MAN’s suspense, hypnotically slapping the dildo against his left hand)

Nope, you should be fine.

(Charles drops the items back in the bag and pushes it towards the man)

NEXT!



FADE OUT

FADE IN, OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE

During the credits, Charles walks into the bus station bathroom to pee.  He is at the extreme right urinal.  Pan left to see a very old man all the way at the other end of the row of urinals…like 8 or 10…just finishing up.  The old man zips up and starts walking, drunkenly toward Charles and the exit.  The problem is, he walks so slowly and close to the urinals, that he trips the IR sensor on every one of them.  He only alters his course when he gets uncomfortably close to Charles…who is having trouble starting and hangs his head in shame and disgust.


an introduction





Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really me...it's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.

copyright

All content on Blog, Sweet Blog is copyrighted by me, Anna Hell. Unless otherwise noted, all photos, words, and content on this site are mine, created by me, and should not be used without my permission (or at least attributed and linked back). I try to embed links or quote original source material if I use another person's work.

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