Blog, Sweet Blog

Posts Tagged ‘vomit

Mood: All of them
Music: De La Soul-Plug Tunin’

…I did it!   I’m really, really tired right now, but I just wanted to say that everything went well at work today.  Everyone I spoke to was really nice and supportive and it was just…kind of easy, you know?  I didn’t die or explode or get committed to an insane asylum.  Actually, it was kind of anticlimactic.  But I’ll take that over being humiliated and stabbed in the neck any day.  I’ll write more about the day later, but I’m going to go to bed early.  You can go to sleep too little cats.  You’ve done your job.

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Mood: Soooo good
Music: The Style Council-The Lodgers    (that’s right, what of it?)

Oh Fridays…I sure do love you.  You never have a lot of work for me, people seem nicer, and no one seems to be in much of a hurry.

So, I thought I’d catch y’all up on recent events in my life.  I hate to have this blog be so one-dimensional, but transition is like the biggest thing in my life right now.  I’ve been trying to keep it lively (remember that hilarious animal post yesterday?), but the occasional trans-post is going to get in there.  Sorry if it’s boring to you.

Ok, so last time, I was debating about whether to tell my boss or not and HR had not gotten back to me.  Well, that next Monday, HR guy called me and let me know he had rec’d my packet and needed some time to go through it.  In the cover letter to him, I had suggested maybe we should meet up as our next step.  He told me that he didn’t think he needed to meet with me just yet.  He said he would call me back in a day or two.  So that was nice, and he was very nice about everything.  I’m not sure if I explained this, but our HR person is actually from another organization and, because we’re so small, we contract with them for HR and other administrative things.  I’ve met him, but it’s not like we ever see each other or know each other.  While this is happening, my boss sets my review time for 1:30 on Wednesday.  The next day, the HR guy starts sending me all of these links and information via email.  I understand he was just trying to be sweet and supportive, but some of the information he sent me was of questionable value.

Him:  Do you know we have a diversity council on campus?

Me:    Oh right, I think I saw a poster in the cafeteria.

Him:  Oh that right! That’s a wonderful poster…so colorful.  You know, you can call them if you want.

Me:  Ok…

I didn’t call (it’s not like I need their advice on how to come out and I hardly ever feel like “celebrating diversity”), but I always thank him profusely for whatever nugget he sends me.  Finally, he tells me that there is another trans woman on campus (gasp) and that she would be willing to talk to me if I’d like.  The place I work is weird.  It’s very academic, in a way, and people always seem to be hyper-focused on their work.  Given the distribution of GLBT people in the general population, I had assumed there was at least one L, G, B, or T person on campus.  But I’d never met one and no one seemed to be flying their flag, so to speak.  So, the news that there was another T person on campus was kind of shocking.  Amway, he told me the woman’s name and said it would be alright if I contacted her.  Ok, I’m not sure how many people work here…but it’s in the thousands and we don’t really have a campus directory.  I wrote back and asked HR where she worked or if there was, you know, a way to contact her.  He sent me her extension!  Again, maybe it’s me or it’s a generational thing, but I’d rather not just call someone out of the blue.  I did some searching and found out her division and emial address.  I crafted the most vague, innocuous letter i could manage and sent it off…

Hi redacted,

I hope I have the right person 🙂 I got your name from redacted at redacted HR. He said you might be able to (or know someone who could ) help me out with a work transition I’m planning in the next month or so. If you’re the right person and you have some time this week, please let me know and we can set something up.

Regards,

redacted

I know, smooth right?  She sent me a reply and told me she was the one I was looking for.  We traded emails for a bit (she came out here at work about ten years ago and didn’t get fired, lives with a trans partner, etc.).  At one point, I told her I had a bunch of questions and she asked about them.  I sent her a final email with all of my questions…

Hey redacted,

Ugh, I just told my boss.  It went really well, but I kind of feel like throwing up.  Wow, 10 years ago…it seems like a lot has changed since then.  Do you think things have gotten any easier for trans people since then?  Awww, that’s so cool that you and your partner have been together for so long.  How did you meet?

Ok, so I have a lot of questions.  You don’t have to answer them in a big long email today…or answer them at all really.  I’m mostly interested in hearing about your experience and how you handled things at some point.  Yes, lunch sometime would be nice.  The only really good Mexican place I know of is redacted.

So, it seems like you transitioned while at work here.  How was that?  What process did you go through or what was the sequence of events?  Did you stay in the same job and department?  Did you have any negative experiences?  In retrospect, would you have handled anything a different way?  How far along were you with HRT and electrolysis before transitioning at work?  How long did it take before your transition was not a big deal (if it ever was) any more?  What was the hardest thing to deal with those first few weeks?  Do you have any advice?  Is there anything I should watch out for?  How did you handle transition with your health insurance?  Would you say you’re more of a cat person or a dog person?  Ok, kidding.

Regards,

Anna

I know, cute right?  So I sent her that letter on March 24 and haven’t heard back from her sincewtf?  Ugh, seriously, that’s one of my biggest pet peeves…not answering a letter.  I kind of understand it though.  I guess this happens with LGB people too, but it seems like people are always wanting to hook us up.  And with trans people it harder…notice I just dove right into the personal questions?  That’s how we roll.  There’s very little, “Hi, how are you?  What’s your favorite color?”.  It’s mostly, “Hi, what sort of meds are you on?  Have you had surgery yet?  Tell me all about your horrible childhood”.  So, idk, maybe my letter got lost or she’s on a months-long cruise.  Whatevs, I’m not going to bother her.

So, I kind of gave away what happened next.  I CAME OUT TO MY BOSS!!!!!!!! Back up a little bit though.  Before my review meeting, I had asked HR if he had any advice on when I should tell my boss.  I was, you know, hoping for some of that pro HR advice…like something from a manual or something.  His answer was to tell my boss “whenever I felt comfortable.”  Thanks HR!  So I decided I’d prolly tell him at the end of the meeting if everything had gone well up until then.  So we’re going through my review and I’m totally freaking out and nervous.  My boss gave me a great review and the only negative-ish comment he had was that I need to start doing presentations and writing papers.  Which is totally valid.  I have specifically cloistered my self away for the last six months because…well, you know…I was scared, didn’t want people to know the old me very well, wanted to start making a name for myself using my new name, etc.   At the end of the meeting…

him:  is there anything else?

me: *visibly shaking*  Yes actually.  *hands him the packet*  So, I’m a transsexual and I’ve been working with HR to come up with a plan to…*simultaneously faints and      vomits*

Ok, jk, but I had a really hard time getting all of it out.  He was so cool and nice though!  He was smiling a bit as he asked me some questions.  He wanted to know why I had picked here and now to do this.  Which was a great question.  I thought about it for a second and told him that going through this is not easy.  You need to have a lot of money, feel mentally and emotionally ready, and feel like you have a good support system in place.  I told him that I really liked it here and I felt like it was home.  So I felt safe enough to go through this all with these people.  I also said that a lot of trans people get fired when they come out.  He told me that I didn’t have to worry about my job (awww, I wanted to cry when he said that).

The truth is, I prolly could have done this sooner (and I could have waited longer), but I do love it here.  This place does feel like home and these people do feel like my family.  Plus, they’re giving me enough money to accomplish my goals.  And, I am ready.  I think I’ve done the work and this feels like a good time.  So yeah, after I told him, I just wanted to either die or run from his office.  Before the end of it though, he sent HR an email requesting a meeting.  That meeting is this Monday!  I’m not sure what to expect, but I really think it will be a straightforward discussion of how I should start back to work as Anna.  At one point, the HR guy said there isn’t any legal problem with what I want to do and it’s just a matter of arranging everything.  Which is weird.  I had anticipated more problems, but I’ll take easy.  In the packet, I told them I thought starting back to work on the first Monday of May would be good.  I thought I’d take off a day or two before the weekend for paperwork and more shopping and they could use that time to tell everyone and get ready.  So, barring any last minute weirdness, May 4th should be my first day back!  I really can’t believe it’s almost here.

Finally, regarding my name change, I went to court (ulp, that’s a whole other post), paid my fees, and got the notice published.  So now, all I have to do is take back the proof of publication and pick up the final decree.  So, basically, my name change is done and I’m Anna Elizabeth redacted (lol) from now on.  I was looking at my paperwork last night, and it finally hit me that I have to start using that name now and that this is all for real and I hope to God that it works out. I’m happy about how everything is going, but I’m also nervous and still holding my breath.  There’s not really any going back now…and that’s ok.

Wow, longest post ever?


an introduction





Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really me...it's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

Oh, and if I wrote something about you and you thought it was mean or hurtful, I'm sorry. It's how I felt at the time, but probably isn't how I feel now. Chances are, I love you and I think you're awesome.

copyright

All content on Blog, Sweet Blog is copyrighted by me, Anna Hell. Unless otherwise noted, all photos, words, and content on this site are mine, created by me, and should not be used without my permission (or at least attributed and linked back). I try to embed links or quote original source material if I use another person's work.

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