Blog, Sweet Blog

I hate you, dating site guys.

Posted on: Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Mood: Yay Springtime!
Music: Bauhaus-The Man With The X-Rays Eyes


party in the air by anna hell


So, like I said, I have encountered nought but a string of clueless, mouth breathing, dimwits on the Internet since John and I broke up.  Sorry, that sounds mean.  I meant to say, I’ve been meeting a lot of  quivering, lumpy, shit-for-brains, fucktards who don’t know the difference between a fuckin’ lady and wet towel-snapping their bro’s pasty, middle aged, wake-me-up-when-you’re-done-having-sex-with-me-you-boring-wanker ass online lately. What, too much?

It’s my own fault, really.  I assume that showing a straight guy any interest, pre-surgery, is a waste of time and will mostly end in tears.  So I sit and wait to pounce upon whichever gentleman of quality happens to stop by my online love shack. Sadly, very few suitable suitors do…stop by my shack, that is.

The less suitable suitors send me these dumb letters or try to instant message me.  I think this bit from my online dating profile clears up my feelings on both…

Send me a message if…

…actually, don’t instant message me at all, I kind of hate it. But feel free to send me a thoughtful, interesting letter if you think you’re not a dullard, have something in common with me, and aren’t going to waste my time.

Ok, that sounds harsh. I’m actually a nice girl, but you’d be surprised at the amount of people who are really into me right up until they read my profile or who are wholly incapable of expressing themselves with words. I like words. I like people who know how to use words. I really like wordy people who really like me 🙂

Keep that in mind.  I loathe instant messaging (there are exceptions) and I really like people who know their way around the words.  Here’s a recent letter…

Hi gorgeous….How are you today?

Yep, that was the whole letter.  I suddenly had a case of the bitchy regrets, so I sent a him a non-committal reply…

Fine, thanks.

To which he replied, a week later…

Hi gorgeous…Anna…

Such wordsmith… -ery? -ing? -inosis? I kind of wanted to mail him my panties with the words, “WILL YOU MARRY ME?” scrawled on the backside in gold glitter nail polish.  But then I thought of the children, and my mother.  Neither would approve.

I also get…

interesting story. wanna chat?

Not in the slightest, but I thank you for asking! And…

Very attractive. I read your profile and like it. I also like that you are bisexual. I think bisexual women make the best lovers. Would like to hear from you.

Hmm, where should I start.  No.  Gross?  What?  Really? Actually, that one had a sort of European, man-whore, bravado, charm to it.  But still, no.  Another?

Nice pic and profile, would be nice to get to know you. sorry i am not writing more at the moment, i have to crash lol, its really late 😦

Aww, thanks for writing, Sunshine.  Tell your Mom I said hi!

Another guy keyed in on my one line profile joke about working in a secret government lab, because all of us enginerds do. He was cute and had a very good profile, so I indulged him…

Him: was it the san dimas lab or were you out in NM? Not that I know anything 🙂

Me: No, not that one, but I have been to Los Alamos! I work for another, non-secret lab in Colorado 🙂 You profile reminds me of mine…long, interesting, wordy, partly in French…ok maybe not French, but complex and interesting.

Him: well you have to make yourself stand out somehow in this crazy world! So what were you up to at these labs of ours? I have no desire to ever be attached to any of these establishments but then again how else am I going to get cool stories to tell at the watering holes when I am old and decrepit? 🙂

Me: I went to Los Alamos as side trip during a Santa Fe vacation. I’m an engineer at a lab here. We do communications research.

Him: So did you have a TS security clearance?

Me: ???

I think he was trying to offer me a job or recruit me for…something.  Even though my profile says I’m looking for “new friends”, it’s a lie.  I’m really looking for my other half.  I’ll take friendship as a consolation prize or as the start of passionate love affair, but shooting the breeze about our national research infrastructure doesn’t seem like fun to me and those aren’t the kind of friends I’m looking for.

And finally, this guy…

Him:  Do you believe in in monogomy? I’m naive, I admit it!

Me:  I guess I believe in realistic monogamy. I don’t think humans are really programmed to be with one person for their entire lives, but I am still looking for a long-term, non-cheating relationship with a single person. Why, what do you believe?

Him:  Well, I’m heterosexual, so I just didn’t know if it’s easier for me to be monogamous than you as a person attracted to both sex’s. I guess I believe unlike you that it IS possible to be with one person your entire life…at least that’s what I hope for! (:

Me:  As far as I know, there is no correlation between sexuality and monogamy. Regardless, I’m trying to find that one person as well.

Him:  So what do [sic] like most/worst about dating? (:

Me: *click*

He should have known I’d had enough by my second response; I tend to drop the science and the big words when I get mad.  Then again, he prolly should have known not to assume that bisexuality is on par with worshiping the devil, genocide, and smothering puppies.

Hrrm, this is getting to be extra-long and, unfortunately, there’s more to share.  How’s about we meet back here next time?  We can talk about the “winkers” and online dating Do’s and Don’ts (ok, mostly Don’ts) next time!

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5 Responses to "I hate you, dating site guys."

sorry hun. I hope things get better and the icky people go away. You’re right. What a group of creeps and weirdos. I can’t say I’ve had much luck either, I’m afraid. It’s kinda old creaky and dusty down there anyhow.

I’m about ready for some sort of spinster commune. Just gals hangin’ out, rustlin’ things and dispensing of dirty, lowdown bushwackers. Can you tell I’ve been watching westerns lately? 😛 tarnation and such.

Aw, thanks, B. 🙂 Honestly, I don’t mind getting weird emails because they’re good for the blog. It would be nice if there was one prince amidst all those frogs though. *sigh* It’s just funny that guys think that’s a good approach to meeting the ladies. Like, I kind of want to teach a class to help them out. Just think, we could make millions!

Anna,

It’s no consolation and certainly doesn’t make things easier for us TG folk, but I’ve come to believe that sometimes patience and a focus on other pursuits can be a better attractor to others out in this wide universe. I guess it’s the old adage that often things come to you when you’re not looking?

Not to say that this strategy/philosophy has particularly worked for me just yet, but that’s ok. I’ve still got lots of work to do finding myself, improving my career, and the like. The rest will follow!

Peace,

Dana

Hey Dana!

Of course you’re right, letting love sneak up on you is often the best approach. But I feel like, since I’m pre-op, I need a little more help than everyone else; I’m not able to just date anyone I’d like to without having “the conversation.” Honestly, there’s still quite a bit of work I could do on myself before I felt truly “ready” to date, but I don’t feel bad about advertising a little.

The goal of the post was to share my frustrations with how guys conduct themselves online in a, hopefully, funny way. Rereading it, it seems like I’m a bitter old hag who will never find love because she has unnaturally high expectations and curses too much. For the record, I’m not…a bitter old hag. I had intended to do a followup post with some analysis, that might have softened it and made me seem less shrill, but oh well.

I’m sorry you broke up with your girlfriend. If it helps, you’re an a awesome girl and I’m sure you’ll find someone else when you’re ready. Oh, and I was going to ask why you hadn’t blogged in forever, then I saw your most recent post!

[…] Maybe I should be working on a I’m a nice girl, really, you guys cherry for the top of that dating piece I just did.  Of course, there’s always my ever changing feelings about stuff and things; […]

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Hi, I'm Anna and I love cheese!

This blog is a chronicle of my life and a catalog of happy ephemera. The About page has a little bit more information, but, remember, none of this is really me...it's just a supplement, a thumbnail sketch, a mostly anonymous Intarwebs placeholder. I'm way better/less wordy in person. :-)

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